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Weird Science

There is science that is good science and then there is Weird Science - we like Weird Science and so should you.

Pigdog Journal Articles

2023-08-16

How much force does it take to pull out nose hair?
Have you ever pulled out a nose hair and felt like part of your brain came with it? Have your eyes watered from the extreme pain? Did you wonder how much force it took? Would you pull out 50 more hairs afterwards, using precise measuring instruments, to determine the answer IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE? -- Baron Earl

2017-03-11

O'Reilly Auto's Site Now Sells Parts For Time Machines
I was browsing through the auto parts at OReillyAuto.com, when I stumbled across a listing for a flux capacitor. "Plutonium is required to properly operate," warns its description. It also adds that plutonium is "not Available at O'Reilly Auto Parts." -- El Destino

2017-01-20

Please Continue...
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. -- Baron Earl

2011-03-01

Canadian scientists theorize about pint glasses of neutron star superfluid extract
When Canadian scientists get all hot and bothered about a cooling neutron star in the constellation Cassiopeia, their thoughts quickly turn to glasses of superfluid. -- Baron Earl

2006-06-10

Gum arabic plus carbonated beverage == art
Anyone can dump a couple of Mentos into a 2-liter of Diet Coke for fun. It takes sheer genius to turn it into artistry. -- Michael Bakunin

2006-03-12

Deadly Robot Car Wreaks Havoc in Desert Rampage
In this shocking video, a fully autonomous armored assault vehicle is seen performing manouvers somewhere in the California desert. Or maybe it's just a 1982 Toyota Camry. Decide for yourself. -- LiquorPig

2004-06-15

Pain Killers Can Cause Frequent Headaches
Doctors from the Long Island Jewish Hospital found in a study that some people who take pain killers for headaches get headaches more frequently. -- Baron Earl

2003-01-02

Would You Like a Nice Slice of Pi, Boy?
This is about the damn funnest website I've come across all year. Granted, it's only the second of January, but it's still pretty damn fun in its way. -- The Compulsive Splicer

2002-04-04

He Is Smart And You Suck
Gianni Golfera has been captured by Italian scientists and is being studied so that the secret to his genetic mind superpowers can be harnessed. Okay, except for the part about capturing. -- Miles Standish

2002-04-03

Bruce Banner Beans
This whole genetically-modified food debate has been very difficult for me. On the one hand you have reactionary hippies pitching a fit, and I'm pretty used to agreeing with those people. But on the other hand you have mad wild-haired scientists violating the very laws of God and Earth, and I love those guys too! It's like if Gabrielle got into a fight with Agent Scully. How could I choose? -- Siduri

2001-12-03

That's "IT"?
Since firing the SF Comical as my newspaper two years ago, I've kicked over to the Internet as my main info source for the goings on in the real world. It's really good to be able to get a balanced viewpoint from multiple sources with just a few clicks. The place I usually start is on Top Stories at Yahoo. There, the neatly subdivided sections guide me through the global morass with relative ease. Over the last year and a half, there was this item in the Business and Technology sections entitled "Ginger" or "IT". -- Reverend CyberSatan

2001-05-11

Some Funny Shit
Apparently there just aren't enough whip-cream canisters in New Zealand to satisfy the N2O cravings of the countries bored teenagers and junkie dentists so scientists there have been forced to seek out a new source of laughing gas-- cow dung! -- Negative Nancy

2000-06-16

Gonzo ToothBrush Tech
21st century technology transforms the world of dental hygiene, as unsuspecting users find they've purchased not just an electic toothbrush -- but the InterPlak RTB2. -- El Destino

2000-06-05

Grab your Scooby Snacks!
Ghost hunters are alive and well and posting their pictures on the Squirreled Wide Web. -- The Compulsive Splicer

2000-05-26

You Do the Math
A group of the world's top mathematicians have decided that math is really, really hard. Some math anyway. So they've decided to do what dumb kids with too much money have always done, they're going to pay people like YOU to do their homework. -- Baron Earl

2000-05-01

Missing Parts of Planet Earth
Those crazy physicists have re-weighed the Earth and found it missing a few pounds -- 6,000,000,000,000,000 metric TONS to be exact!!! And I don't know about you, but that seems like a FUCK OF A LOT OF WEIGHT TO ME. -- JRoyale

2000-05-01

Last Chance for Catastrophe
Well, SURE, Y2K came and went like a gentle lamb. Everything is running along just hunky-dory, civilization didn't collapse, and no one is rioting in the streets, more or less. But don't despair! Survivalist leaders say there's ONE MORE CHANCE for total destruction! -- Mr. Bad

2000-03-27

Don't Think and Drive
We just can't do ANYTHING anymore. -- The Compulsive Splicer

2000-02-09

Ha! I Just Knew Something Bad Was Gonna Happen!
I knew it! I'm doomed to die an early painful death! I'm completely unsurprised by this -- in fact, I pretty much expected that things would turn out this way. The Mayo clinic has just released a report that pessimists die younger. OK, it doesn't actually mention pain, but I'm sure it'll be horrible. -- Negative Nancy

2000-01-20

WHOA, man! The moon is like TOTALLY TRIPPY!
The moon! It's like a big COOKIE that some intergalactic ANDRE THE GIANT took a big BITE out of! -- Tjames Madison

1999-12-21

Who Loves the Sun?
So, tonight around 11:45PM PST the winter solstice will occur. Beaujolais to that! And it's a full moon, too! Also Beaujolais! There's a bunch of other weird elliptic mathematical things going on, too, but who cares? Go enjoy the moon. -- Mr. Bad

1999-12-20

This May Explain Love
Some crazy wacked-out sadistic freaks at Johns Hopkins Hospital forced a bunch of poor smucks to hold their hands in buckets of freezing water until the pain became unbearable. Half the guinea-pigs were asked to fantasize about sex, the other half were got to day dream about something dull like walking to class. Turns out shock! thinking about launching your moisture seeking love missile can help lessen the pain of freezing cold water -- or the fact that your significant other is a big pain in your ass... -- Negative Nancy

1999-12-06

There's a new star in town...
Yup, some good-old fashioned New England astronomers picked out a naked-eye visible nova a few days back. So what if some guy in Portugal saw it first? Well, at least it's not a comet heading this way. -- The Compulsive Splicer

1999-11-10

Could We Get One in Human Size?
The British have come up with a way to get rid of slugs. This crazy limeys has built this machine that hunts down and kills slugs. So what makes this better than a tin of beer? It runs of the power it generates through the decay of its victims! -- Flesh

1999-10-12

Kill Baby 6 Billion!
So, by now you know that the 6 billionth person on planet Earth has been born some time today. And, you've also probably heard all the hand-wringing about the horrible things this child is going to do to the world. But no one has faced the hard facts and made the demand: We must kill Baby 6 Billion! -- Mr. Bad

1999-10-07

When Rigor Mortis Sets In
Ever wonder what happens after we die? How do cells die? What makes a stiff stiff? You can find out about how all this exciting stuff happens by reading this article. A chart summarizes a way to estimate the time of death. Decomposition is also charted out for the reader's convenience. -- Suru

1999-10-07

Wanna Play Quake For Real?
Spock Mountain Research Labs strives to bring you the best in modern hillbilly technology. But even we realize that you have to get out of the house now and then. And what better of a reason, than a chance to play Quake for real? -- Flesh

1999-10-02

Name that Bodily Function
Finally, a site for kids that Pigdog can endorse! -- Baron Earl

1999-10-01

Never Ask A Man To Do A Woman's Job
...because he'll find some way to work wing nuts and lag bolts into it... This years winner of the Annals of Improbably Reasearch Ig Noble Prize for Managed Health Care deserves some special attention. US Patent #3,216,423, entitled "APPARATUS FOR FACILITATING THE BIRTH OF A CHILD BY CENTRIGUGAL FORCE" may be one of the scariest things I have ever seen in all my years of reporting for Pigdog Journal. -- Negative Nancy

1999-09-21

He Said "Anus"
Astronomers have found three "weird" moons orbiting Uranus. You might want to have a doctor take a look at that, I'm sure some antibiotics wold clear it right up. One of those little pillow with the hole in the middle might make things more comfortable for you... are you eatting enough fiber? -- Negative Nancy

1999-08-18

Better Make that a Double Spocktail...
Sometime early this month an iceberg the size of our smallest state left Antarctica and headed north... which when you think about it is the only way it could go... -- JRoyale

1999-08-10

Enter the Seedy World of Rocket Belt Ownership
As any maiden-kidnapping, wax-moustache-twiddling blackguard will tell you, the secret to success is removing the powers of those who would be your undoing. Especially when Rocket Boy is involved. -- Miles Standish

1999-07-12

Pigdog Disco Jackets of the Future!!
Spock Mountain Research Labs' crack team of hillbilly scientists was given a very special assignment to "test-drive" a crazy new technology that only we could handle. Each volunteer was issued a lab coat OF THE FUTURE and sent out to party like it was 1999! -- Ms.BunnyPenny

1999-07-01

Study Says: Sniff Old Lady Armpits to Make You Feel REAL GOOD!!
Okay, so what kind of SICK scientists came up with a study like this one?? Don't these people have anything better to do?!! -- Ms.BunnyPenny

1999-06-11

Harvey Keitel's Life in Danger, Say Experts
According to a new study conducted by researchers at the University of Maryland, people who tend toward bouts of extreme anger, like actor Harvey Keitel, put themselves at risk of high blood pressure or even heart damage. -- Tjames Madison

1999-01-12

Australians Lick It Up
Once again the Australians lead the way in high tech alcoholic packing as the Boys Down Under have managed to freeze it into Popsicles. - or Icy Poles as the Aussies apparently call them. And although at only 6% ABV, necessitating the consumption of an entire box for a buzz, the Australian's climate obliges with millions of square miles of desert. -- JRoyale

1999-01-04

American Hooch Technology Catching Up!
Well, it would seem that my predictions as to the future strategic importance of alcohol in the technology arena are coming true. Manhattan Scientifics Inc. has finally perfected what the Canadians have had for decades: fuel-grade booze! -- Crackmonkey

1999-01-03

Light and Time and Bars
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! -- Patient Joab

1998-12-17

Revisionist Etymology
MAJ, holder of the Danny Cassalaro Chair in Revisionist Linguistics at Spock Mountain Research Labs, deconstructs the deep structure of SMRL's primary research pursuit. -- Negative Nancy

1998-11-22

Chocolate New Wonder Medicine
Can it really be true that everything we eat that tastes good is bad for us? I've often intuitively felt that things like beer, and pizza -- the soul food of programmers -- HAVE TO BE good for you. I have absolutely no proof for this position, but now the BBC is reporting that chocolate is the new health wonder drug, according to the latest research. Chocolate is a powerful immune system booster. Chocolate is just plain good medicine. So gobble some up right away. -- El Snatcher

1998-11-18

Mars Demands Pigs!!!!
Didn't know whether to file this under 'Pigs' or 'Science', but anyways: we have initial reports of PIG CLONING going on in Great Britain somewhere. Probably somewhere very boring and sanity-threatening, because this is an INSANE thing to do. England needs _no_ more pigs, for fuck's sake! Anyways, this was forwarded from some bad Extropians, who are a pretty disreputable lot, so I can't vouch for this 'BBS' news organization. Take it all with a grain of salt, eh? -- Mr. Bad

1998-11-16

Hot Surgical Voyeurism
Wonderful! Do you need to get some of that blecherous fat vacuumed off your bloated cheese pile ass? Well, thanks to the Internet, now you may be able to get one of those fun cosmetic surgery operations absolutely free! ONLINE SURGERY is offering free liposuction, breast augmentation, nose jobs, and face lifts to "eligible candidates." You wont mind having the operation broadcast LIVE via Real Video will you? Heh heh heh... Take a peek at the SURGICAL ARCHIVES, where you can view hot, goopy liposucking action!! Sponsored by DuPont. -- Flesh

1998-11-14

The Trephination Clinic Will Drill Your Brain Real Good!
"Today, we can offer more than just trepanning (cranial ventilation). Modern surgical techniques allow you to choose as much or as little brain modification to best suit your lifestyle -- from simple Trephination; to lobotomy; to complete decephalization. -- El Snatcher

1998-11-10

Orange You Glad You're Alive?
The San Francisco Bay Guardian is reporting on a Florida biochemist who's developed THC-bearing oranges. Since oranges are not illegal (yet), you could theoretically get high from your morning glass of Sunny Delight. Unfortunately the Bad Guys have come down on this guy and stopped him from distributing his orange seeds to dopeheads until they have time to make it illegal. -- Mr. Bad

Offsite links shared by staff writers

2004-11-16

2004-06-19

Hyberbaric Man-shredder -- Baron Earl

2004-04-17

Three-headed frog -- Baron Earl

2002-04-23

Cool Magnetic Brain Savant Shit
How magnetism will make us super smart! -- Siduri

2002-03-09

1001 things to do with liquid Nitrogen
Two cans of shaving cream can fill a car. Who knew? -- Miss Conduct

2001-11-02

2001-04-17

2001-02-23

The Earth takes a Leak -- Baron Earl

2000-11-01

Air Slammer, Road Jammer
It's a car that runs on air. No batteries or gas in there! -- Mr. Bad

2000-08-10

Roxx Like Spoxx in a Boxx
When you combine a web of wires with resin and a chip of something special, what do you have? No, not that! "Smart pebbles", aka cybeRox, the newest defenders of British shores. "Dumb as a box of rocks" now has a whole new meaning. -- Miner 99er

2000-06-16

2000-06-01

Automatic Butt Splicers! -- The Compulsive Splicer

2000-05-23

1999-08-17

1999-08-05

tiniest web server
The world's tiniest web server- built by Tiny Elvis. -- Flesh

1999-07-12

1999-05-27

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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