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You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-- Frank Zappa

Damn Ay-leens

Learn about Ay-leens before they kidnap you and eat your brain.

Pigdog Journal Articles

2023-08-11

Cattle mutilations are up again
Six cattle died mysteriously in Texas, with their tongues removed, the hide around one side of their mouths gone and no blood spilled. In two cases, the animals' genitalia and anuses had been removed with a circular cut that the sheriff's office said had been made with the "same precision as the cuts noted around the jaw lines of each cow." This is obviously the work of aliens from another planet. -- Baron Earl

2011-03-02

UFO over Brazil causes cameraman to take shaky, out-of-focus pictures
The damn ay-leens are at it again, using their mind-rays to cause a cameraman to forget everything he knows about operating a video camera -- how to focus, how to hold the camera steady, how to frame his subject. -- Baron Earl

2002-08-20

Chupacabra VS. Muhnochwa!
Chupacabra may have been the unexplained demonic alien creature for the 90s, but I was starting to think the whole thing had gotten a little old. The recent appearance of the Muhnochwa or "face-scratching creature" in Uttar Pradesh, India, is like a breath of fresh air on the stagnant cryptozoological scene. -- Negative Nancy

2002-08-15

Goatsucker Unemployed in Argentina
Known throughout Central and South America as the "Chupacabra", they suck the blood from living goats, draining them dry and leaving them dead. Times are hard everywhere, and the downturn in the Argentine economy left one goatsucker with no choice but to apply for unemployment benefits. -- Baron Earl

2001-03-10

Sen. John Glenn Reveals the Truth about UFOs
"Back in those glory days, I was very uncomfortable when they asked us to say things we didn't want to say and deny other things. Some people asked, you know, were you alone out there? We never gave the real answer, and yet we see things out there, strange things, but we know what we saw out there. And we couldn't really say anything. The bosses were really afraid of this, they were afraid of the War of the Worlds type stuff, and about panic in the streets. So, we had to keep quiet. And now we only see these things in our nightmares or maybe in the movies, and some of them are pretty close to being the truth." - Senator John Glenn on NBC Tuesday, March 6, 2001. -- Baron Earl

2000-07-28

Stop Alien Abductions!
You know the aliens are coming to get you, and you want to know what you can do to stop them? Here's a website that explains a method to defeat alien abductions that's EVEN MORE EFFECTIVE than wrapping your head in aluminum foil. -- Baron Earl

2000-03-10

Aliens Frame Man For Burglary
A 37-year-old Iowan man was transported 180 miles by aliens who flung him threw a house window and then abandoned him, bleeding and confused, to be found by local police. I'm guessing they were using some sort of space/time continuum warping technology, but I'm still waiting for confirmation. The police, in typical non-believer fashion, claim the man was high on methamphetamines and charged him with second-degree burglary. -- Negative Nancy

2000-01-12

Real Aliens Found And They're In Space!
The American Astronomical Society, which I've never heard of but it sounds like an impressive name, reported HUGE MONSTER ALIENS located on other stars. Well, um, that is, the Infrared Space Observatory showed that it's pretty easy for organic molecules to form around other stars. -- Miles Standish

2000-01-08

Ay-leens As Seen On TV!
Ay-leens aren't satisfied anymore with the occasional documentary on the Discovery Channel or The Learning Channel, now they want their own channel -- and they're getting it. Behold! EnigmaTV is born! -- enigma

1999-12-10

Giant Space Turd Smashes into Australian Reservoir
A strange object from outer space hurtled into a reservoir in Guyra, Australia, and left a 40-centimeter-diameter tunnel in its wake, prompting scores of superstitious Aussie girly men to run around screaming about "little green men from Mars." -- Tjames Madison

1999-11-05

Alien Baby Rushed to Hospital!
OK, so no one really thought it was an Alien, they actually thought it was a human foetus. But it was actually an Alien! OK, it was actually a plastic alien toy. But it was really gross!! No one can say it wasn't really gross! It was slimy and metallic and had big ears, it's also expected to be one of this Xmass's biggest hits! And have I mentioned the British are really weird? -- Negative Nancy

1999-06-22

Buddhist Priest has PROOF of ETI
Yeah, there's scads of UFO nuts out there, but this one's a Buddhist priest, and she's got proof! All that and a letter from the Vice-President. -- The Compulsive Splicer

1999-06-22

Those aren't aliens... those are Communists.
Flying Saucers! Government Spies! Commie traitors! Giant killer bees! Romance! Adventure! This one's got 'em all, babie.

Okay, I was kidding about the giant killer bees. -- The Compulsive Splicer

1999-06-12

Ay-leens Infiltrate Livermore Labs!!!
Un-fucking-believable. Not only has the U.S. Gov't allowed those sneaky Chinese to make off with all of our national secrets - but now they are installing an Ay-leen starship in the heart of one of our most high tech and sooper-secret weapons labs. -- JRoyale

1999-06-05

Sugar Aliens On The Run!!!
As all you E.T. hunters know by now, Seti@home has just started sending chunks of radio telescope space data out to home computers to scan for messages. -- Patient Joab

1999-05-25

Free Stickers from the STW Alien Resistance Movement
If you too are getting fed up with aliens (especially the Zeta Reticulans, AKA "grays") and all of this kidnapping, perverse reproduction experimentation, mutilation of livestock, and skulking about in flying saucers all the time, now you can fight back with FREE stickers, and other alien resistance stuff! -- El Snatcher

1999-05-14

Use Your Home Computer to Hunt, Kill Ay-leens
The SETI@Home project is finally up and running. You, too, can help LOCATE aliens across the galaxy. Scientists will use this information to destroy their nests with pinpoint accuracy! "I want to kill bugs, sir!" -- Mr. Bad

1998-11-11

Alien Attacks Dog!!!
There's a new report of a case of a man who was walking his dog in the woods when suddenly an alien popped out, and viciously killed and mutilated his dog. The man became OUTRAGED, and bashed the alien to death with a large tree branch. MIBs were involved... some mysterious deaths... and the alien body got stolen along the way. But not before the man managed to snap some fantastic pictures of the gruesome remains of the alien and its flying saucer!!! He even managed to record its death scream! -- El Snatcher

1998-11-09

A Couple of Alien Quickies...
Some quick ALIEN RELATED stories: First, someone keeps pestering our UFO researchers in this country. A UFO researcher named Michael Unam was run off the road by a mysterious truck while collecting data on the Devil's Highway, Route 666. -- El Snatcher

1998-11-06

SETI Makes First Contact?
You may or may not have heard the buzz about alien signals coming from EQ Pegasi... In a nutshell, an engineer named Paul Dore who bootlegged time on a SETI-style radio telescope discovered special alien signals coming from something in the direction of the star system known as EQ Pegasi. -- El Snatcher

1998-10-05

Insurance Against Aliens
Finally, an insurance company is offering an insurance policy against alien abduction. -- El Snatcher

Offsite links shared by staff writers

2019-02-15

2011-03-24

2011-03-20

UFO over Oswego -- Baron Earl

2011-03-12

2011-03-07

2011-03-03

2004-09-14

2003-01-15

New Moons Over Neptune
A moon soon for everyone. -- Miss Conduct

2002-11-15

Satan on Mars? -- Baron Earl

2001-07-24

E.T. Phone Here -- JRoyale

2001-06-20

2001-06-06

Aliens stole my pants -- El Destino

2001-02-13

2000-12-08

The Joys of Reptoid Sex -- El Snatcher

2000-07-17

The Wars of Mars -- Baron Earl

2000-07-17

Tom Corbett, Space Cadet -- Baron Earl

2000-06-27

2000-04-11

The Franlin Mint's new 'Roswell Incident Official Eyewitness Sculpture'!!!!!!!!
The Franklin Mint's new 'Roswell Incident Official Eyewitness Sculpture'!!!!!!!! -- El Snatcher

2000-03-10

Mission to Mars
NASA scoffs at 'Face on Mars' theory, then helps Disney develop "Mission to Mars," a 120-million-dollar blockbuster about the coverup of a massive humanoid face on the Red Planet. -- El Snatcher

2000-01-12

Out of the Gray
Check it out! Everything you never wanted to know about ay-leens! Expecially that they look like My Pretty Pony! -- Mr. Bad

1999-12-09

Ay-leens stole my PANTS! -- Patient Joab

1999-08-17

Was There A Real Fox Mulder?
X-Files version of history is backed by CIA report-- But how come only British papers are covering the story? -- Negative Nancy

1999-07-15

www.abductee.net -- El Snatcher

1999-06-30

The United Nuwaubian Nation of Moors Settles Dispute in Georgia
United Nuwaubian Nation of Moors Settles Dispute in Georgia -- Negative Nancy

1999-06-08

1999-06-03

1999-05-23

Join the Pigdog SETI@home team
If you're doing SETI@home, you've GOT to join the Pigdog Journal team! -- Mr. Bad

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