Build Date: Tue Oct 22 17:50:31 2024 UTC
I took a Career Guidance test in high school. I checked off that I hated everything, but that working outside was tolerable. The computer software suggested that I become a Postal Carrier.
-- Baron Earl
Mocking Parade
Celebrities that we laugh at.
Pigdog Journal Articles
2022-03-14
If you're not satisfied with spamming every friend and follower with daily updates of your Wordle score, now you can annoy and irritate everyone you meet in real life as well with a 3D printed Wordle score you can wear around your neck.
2008-01-21
On Friday President Bush announced an economic stimulus plan. The plan was short on details, vague on implementation, fuzzy about who would be helped, but sharply targeted when it came to how many taxpayer dollars should be spent -- about one percent of the nation's GDP -- somewhere between $140 and $150 billion dollars.
2004-06-26
The last installment in a three-part series of TV shows we'd actually watch if anyone would produce them. Are you listening Hollywood?
2004-06-14
The second in a three-part series of TV shows we'd actually watch, if anyone in TV-land would put down their coke-straw long enough to do something original.
2004-06-02
The first in a three-part series of TV shows we'd actually watch, if anyone had the balls to put them on the air.
2003-01-29
Well, gentle readers, we've just sat through George II's State of the Union address. Instead of getting stinkers with the State of the Union Address Drinking Game, I have generously and foolishly stayed sober, the better to crank out this article in a timely fashion. OK, really I just forgot to go to the package store before they closed.
2002-10-12
I recently went and saw the movie Barbershop. For those of you who don't know, it's a PG-rated comedy about a barbershop in Chicago's South Side run by Ice Cube. It's not going to win any Academy Awards, but it's fairly funny and it has some good performances. It also pissed off Jesse Jackson, who asked producers to delete scenes from the film's future videotape, DVD, and cable releases. The scenes Jackson wants removed question the "sacred" status of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks and Jesse Jackson himself.
2002-06-20
With the dot-com economy in the toilet, companies far and wide are taking advantage of the availability of cheap labor willing to do just about anything to keep the groceries coming in. Just how far down can they push the salaries of the graphic artists, the programmers, the ad copy writers of the world? Can you believe that they're hoping you'll work for FREE?
2002-01-21
"This is Deborah with the Nielsen TV ratings service," the cheery voice on the phone said. Viewers across America were about to be represented by a degenerate freak like me...
2002-01-03
Americans are enthralled with the heroic tales of Our Men and Women in Uniform coming in from Afghanistan -- swashbuckling stories of torturing Al Qaeda prisoners, clearing smuggling routes for heroin cartels, and carpet-bombing orphanages and hospitals into smokey piles of gristle and cinderblocks. But it's important to remember that there's other American Heroes -- heroes who have answered the call of homeland security and stayed right here in the USA, ready at any time to shoot themselves in the ass in defense of Freedom.
2001-06-08
Does corporate stupidity know no bounds? Recently, AOL Time-Warner purchased Business 2.0, one of those hype-filled new economy rags, to add to its already overgrown, festering pile of fly-fattening media properties.
2000-11-09
So, you've probably seen in the conventional news that the Presidential election is incredibly, painfully close, with one state's electoral votes making the whole difference for the free world. You probably bought a newspaper to get more information, and you're probably watching news shows more, and buying their sponsor's products. That's because you're a total sucker.
2000-05-04
Today on the radio I heard Lars Ulrich, Metallica's drummer, state that people who used Napster just wanted free music, and that music should only be available to those who pay for it. It was then that I realized that not only did Metallica not understand the Internet, but THEY HAVE NEVER HEARD OF RADIO STATIONS!
2000-01-23
It's ADVERTISING! Using JAVUR! How cool is that!?! They even call it JAVERTISING, which I have to say is the coolio name of the century.
2000-01-21
Ewww! It sounds like a bad dream, Michael Jackson licking your faces while Elvis rubs the little King all over your back! Man, I just hope it was Elvis the younger years and he didn't just eat one of those crazy deep fried PBJ & ham sandwiches!
1999-12-13
Har har har! I don't know who I hate more -- Stupid Slashdot-dot-org or stupid Suck-dot-com! The cool part is that they hate EACH OTHER! Haw! I'm glad to see them gnawing at one other's THROATS like belligerent DRUNKS at a VEGAS BUFFET!
1999-12-10
Actor Kirk Douglas, celebrating his 427th birthday by reaffirming his Jewish heritage with a second Bar Mitzvah, attracted a huge turnout of Hollywood scum, vermin and hangers-on to a Los Angeles synagogue yesterday.
1999-11-05
The verdict is in -- the mainstream press has finally figured out that Windows is a bug-infested, crash-prone, piece of junk operating system.
1999-08-21
Check out the BIG NEWS: some stupid flouncy British pop star is getting married to some other stupid poncy British celebrity. Again. And once again, the BBC have decided this is front page news.
1999-01-09
Cranks attack Parade Magazine! Which side are you rooting for?
Offsite links shared by staff writers
2023-10-08
2005-11-08
2001-08-12
2001-06-16
2001-02-23
2001-01-11
2000-12-11
2000-12-06
2000-11-20
Cuntfest 2000! "Thank you. Thank you for calling me a cunt."
2000-10-08
Your ultimate resource for information about Stephen Hawking the gangsta rapper.
2000-09-16
2000-06-11
2000-04-05
2000-04-01
2000-03-11
1999-06-11
1999-05-29
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
