| There couldn't be a society of people who didn't dream. They'd be dead in two weeks. -- William S. Burroughs |
|
[So, about TWO YEARS ago, a Pigdog contributor sent in a
topical parody song about the Our First Time Web site.
The site, which turned out to be a hoax, purported to be a live streaming Webcast by
two Southern California teenage virgins, intended to educate people about sex and
gar gar gar.
At the time, I didn't think the song was very Pigdog,
and frankly I thought it was a horrible idea to publish the
thing at all. But Pigdog Journal is if nothing else dedicated
to hit-mongering
giving people the news they want at a price they deserve. In a
relative bind, I relegated the article to the deep dark
recesses of Pooniedog,
Pigdog's strange and horrible porno site.
I hoped the damn thing would disappear, but as it turned
out, our anonymous contributor had his finger on the
loathesome pulse of the Internet. [The man is good.] For some
reason, "The Ballad of Mike and Diane" has been a spectacular
hit-getter for two years running. It's consistently been one of the most-viewed
pages on pigdog.org over all that time, even long after "Our
First Time" is pretty much a meaningless saying that brings
blank stares from most Innurnet users.
So, in a belated salute and an apology to our a.c., I'm
pulling up The Ballad from the unseemly depths of the farm
leagues to the harsh and bitter light of Pigdog Journal
proper. Welcome to Pigdog, Mike and Diane! And thanks for the
hits, Oh Anonymous One! -- Mr. Bad]
The Ballad of Mike and Diane
To the tune of John Cougar's "Jack and Diane"...
A little ditty
about Mike and Diane.
Two American kids growing up
with a new LAN.
Mikey's gonna be a porn page power.
Diane's got her own domain where she's gonna get deflowered.
Checking out their e-mail, deciding what to read.
Mikey says "Hey Diane, we need a real-time picture feed.
People on the web will clog up our line
If we get a spy-cam and then do it on-line."
Oh yeah, hype goes on
Long after the thrill of balling is gone.
Oh yeah, hype goes on
Long after the thrill of balling is gone.
Mikey sits back, collects his thoughts for the moment
Towels off his groin and checks his usage log.
"Well now, Diane, we got a million fools to watch us."
Diane says "Mikey, you make me feel like a hog."
Oh yeah, hype goes on
Long after the thrill of balling is gone.
Oh yeah, hype goes on
Long after the thrill of balling is gone.
So let em fuck.
Let em pole...
Let their counter climb till they
reach their goal:
your fifteen minutes
the way that you choose.
Changes come around real soon
make you yesterday's news
[See also Bye, Bye, America
Online]
[Oh, and if you want more info on Mike and Diane, see Yahoo!'s coverage.]
ozzyluvr@pigdog.org
The Mastered Puppets
by Flesh
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out
the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since
the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash
in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their
bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced,
uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various
commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've
become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits
makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just
one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid
Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the
band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their
lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
A Different Shade of Clone
by Pao Tzu
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial
variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum.
A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
by El Snatcher
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the
weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the
strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the
forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should
all be super grateful that this system exists.
(More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
by JRoyale
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
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