Pure and simple as a hammer to the forebrain

     

 

 

SMS is great if you have nothing to say and like to pay ten cents a message for the privilege of doing so.
-- Sean Neakums

 

Letters to Pigdog -- Reported 1998-01-17 by Mr. Bad

Dutch Treat

From: "J.Timmermans" <roti@worldonline.nl>
To: barfback@pigdog.org
Subject: What the fuck????

What the fuck do you mean by saying 'dutch people are evil'or something. Like you stinky Americans are so sweet and never do nasty things. You oughtta know how many Amreicans come to Holland to smoke weed or how do you call it ,Reefer???? Just because we in a way tollerate softdrugs so there won't be any mob or gangsters, making money and killing people. I'm sure this is happening everywhere in Holland. Anyway, Hippies were smoking weed, and the whole Love-generation was one happy, peacefull world to live in. Even at Lowlands, a music-festival in the Netherlands, there were fucking 45000+ people smoking weed, and what do you know?? Not a single fight or riot, or nasty things like that. Everyone was accepting each other. Could the world be better than that big 3-days event???? I hope "'ve convinced you in your opinion about the Netherlands, and if not, dan ben jij het grootst koppig stuk vreten, of gewoon vet conservatief. Stomme drol!!!!!!!

Mr. Bad replies: "\/\/hatEVER! Don't ever write to us again, you degenerate FREAK-O! If you're gonna try and convince me that a country whose economy is based on legalized bestiality porn and cheap heroin is not populated ENTIRELY BY BAD PEOPLE, well, save your cheesy breath, because I'M NOT BUYING IT.

"Really sneaky sending us an encoded message, by the way! We ran it through Babelfish, and your little spiel basically translates to: 'I am a big Dutch asshole! I love windmills, kiddy porn, and buggering cows!' Pretty sneaky, Sis.

"Anyways, we've got nothing against pot decriminalization in your country. We just want to see the supply of Literalist Fuckhead Pills put under stricter control."


Wil Shipley is a Hypocritical Ass

From: Mark & Renee Calabrese <calabres@interaccess.com>
To: el.destino@pigdog.org
Subject: rollins-shipley

don't even THINK of stopping this! fantastic stuff that puts this very public and not very convincing attempt to "not impinge the character of my ex" very much in context. keep it up!


I Love the Great Taste of Pigdog

From: Symon Michael <symon@slip.net>
To: mr.big@pigdog.org
Subject: Pigdog T-shirts?

Howdy:

I'd like to purchase a pigdog shirt, if they exist. I love the logo and I'd be happy to send you come cash if you have any clothing with the pigdog logo on it.

Barring that, I will wait exactly one month, then copy 'pj-logo.gif' and enlarge it, run to Office Depot and purchase some HP iron-on transfer paper, print out my own and just do it myself.

Eh?

Mr. Bad responds: "First off, I have no idea who you're talking to. No 'Big' here.

"Second, we're actually working on a line of merchandizable Pigdog Journal products. No shit! T-shirts, hats, stickers, the works. So chill your balls and we'll get it to you soon.

"Lastly, don't even THINK about infringing on Pigdog's intellectual property and trademarks and copyright and shit by making your own T-shirts. We have an ATTACK DOG LAWYER. He's a disreputable shyster who's from Alabama and wears white suits and Colonel Sanders ties and drinks too much rye whiskey. Just for the hell of it!

"We wanted to get the Robert DeNiro character from "Cape Fear", who's this crazy Pentecostal hillbilly with lots of jailhouse tattoos and shit, but he's just a movie character, so we can't hire him. DAMN!!!! Anyways, our lawyer will come GIVE YOU HELL if you even think about damaging our copyright. So drop that ultimatum RIGHT NOW, and BACK AWAY WITH YOUR HANDS UP!!!"


Wil Shipley is a Hypocritical Ass, pt. II

From: Fem4ForM@aol.com
To: el.destino@pigdog.org
Subject: rollins/shipley

man, LOOOONNNNGGGG overdue!!!! excellent commentary on a pseudo-drama my husband and i have been following for some time. please keep the updates coming! great work and do keep it up, despite what the critics say. hell, if the guy's gonna air his invective against his ex, disguised as a "journal to help him through the hard times" (that, oops, must have accidentally been linked to his ex's journal where her last entry somehow disappeared), then he takes a chance.

bang!


Spreadin' the Love

From: Tom Catalano <Tom_Catalano@Mail.Tax.CO.Santa-Clara.CA.US>
To: barfback@pigdog.org
Subject: Spock Mountain Porch Sitting Rules Playa Activities!

Ola pointy-eared mountaineers! Senor Spanky here. How in the Wide, Wide World of Sports are you hyper-whiskey slingin' porch jockeys? I can't begin to thank you for allowing me the pleasure of sitting under the finest awning on the playa! Your amiablity, which was matched by your hospitality, made your porch my home away from home when Senor Spanky's became a nightmare. And your Hyper-Whiskey gave me the courage to bartend another 16 or 17 hours! You swell folks are always welcome at my bar, where the drinks for you will always be on the house! I'm not quite sure where y'all hail from, but all you need do to reach me is to e-mail me at: tomcatastropho@hotmail.com

Get back to me when y'all get this message, ya hear!

Your amigo and ad hoc bartender,
Spanky aka TomCat


Naaahhhh... It COULDN'T Be, Could It?

From: Kim Rollins <address@withheld.from.you>
To: el.destino@pigdog.org
Subject: I'm not sure whether to giggle or sharpen my hatchet.

What an odd person you are.

--KR

 

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

vwbugger@pigdog.org


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