Build Date: Tue Oct 22 17:50:29 2024 UTC
Spock would use Linux.
-- Johnnie Royale
Cyberbillies
The new breed of hillbilly. Now with 20% more RoR in every bite!
Pigdog Journal Articles
2006-09-09
Went to one of the only really enjoyable outdoor concerts I can remember (maybe I didn't enjoy it enough). The finest in dirty hillbilly music: The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup. For those ignorants, Cross Canadian Ragweed is a horrendous allergan in Texas, and it's also a band. In a great show of humility, CCR was the worst major act in their line up. Fortunately, they have talented friends.
2002-04-29
Punk rock. Hillbillies. From Brazil. I'm not exactly sure what else needs to be said here.
2001-02-15
Elvis had a vision during a cross-country road trip in 1964. Driving to Hollywood from his Tennessee Graceland mansion, Elvis looked into the clouds and saw the face of Stalin.
2000-03-28
It's like skunkbait for Massively Cool Dudes with Awesome Mini Trucks and way bitchin' mullets, an instant portal into the pinhead dimension and an easy mark for "Calvin Pissing on..." sticker collecters. It, like, totally, like, sums up the total, like, way you approach your life: NO FEAR, DUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
2000-03-22
Man, it's a well-known fact that booming techno-techno is the official music of Bad People of the Future and shit. Like, when diamond-crystal symbiots land on PLANET Q13 in the Booga Galaxy and shit, it's obvious that they will be playing some dope-ass goa on their 12-dimensional CD player and stuff. But, at the same time, these cyberbillies are giving techno a run for its money, what with all their "old-timey" music. Beaujolais for that!
2000-02-21
The appalling state of education in this country never ceases to amaze me. Only recently in an informal office poll did I learn that NO ONE has heard of the greatest of rulers: Cletus Porcinus, the Slack-Jawed Emperor of Rome.
2000-01-20
Dear holy FUCKANAUTS! Max Baer, the big lughead who played JETHRO BODINE in the hit series "Beverly Hillbillies" is building him a GIGANTIC CASINO in the sick, bitter little dessicated city of Reno, Nevada. It's gonna be TOTALLY SIDEWAYS! With BLACKJACK and HILLBILLIES! Gah!
2000-01-12
I have never been a big proponent of e-commerce in any way, shape or form. OK, well, actually, I like buying gray-market drugs on the Internet. And cyberporn. But besides, that, e-commerce blows. At least, that's what I thought until I saw StillLife.com. COOLIO BOOZE STILLS!
1999-12-20
You know how Hamster Dance showed up one day, probably in your inbox with a note attached that said "DOOD U HAV GOT 2 CHEK THIS OUT!!!11"? And then you looked at it and felt nothing but pity and contempt for people who thought it was, like, really funny? And THEN, like 8 million dumbasses all over the world thought it would be even FUNNIER to replace "dancing hamster" with "dancing other thing," like Herve Villichaize, so now there are 8 MILLION DANCING WHATEVER PAGES ON THE WORLD WIDE SQUIRREL? Are you following me? OK. Those people have to stop what they're doing. Right now.
1999-12-13
Yall liss'n here. evary now an' then a true cyberbilly will havta atten' an occasion in his best clothes. summa these events will requar wearin a tie. So what kin' of tie will say "I'm a cyberbilly an' proud of it"? One covard in infectious diseases! Ya reckon?
1999-10-28
So tha folks saw yr tappin' away at the codin' box, and reckoned you'd make more possum hides if you threw all yr meager belongins' on tha truck and hauled yr ass to Sili-kon Valleee. And they were right: you've made out better than Cotton Eye Joe! But, as the old song goes, you got what you wanted but lost what ya had.
1999-08-25
Fella, yo' eatin' enough meat? ah's gonna tale yo' about Meathenge. Thays got this hyar hillbilly fella named of a Mr. Biggles. See, thet fella likes t'burn meats up on whutevah grill yo' an' me an' he kin git fired up. It's real fine now. Especially, he liken them pigs. An' nobody kin stop him! Fry mah hide!
1999-08-17
Say your name is Jed Sanders. You've got a webpage, but you ain't got nuthin' t' put on it. You tryed to drawer sum, but th' pencil kep snappin' on yer monitor. Whut you gonna do?
1999-08-16
One of the bloodiest chapters in the history of the United States is the feud between the Hatfields and McCoys. Innocent lives on both sides were needlessly lost, in what turned out to be mostly due to a greedy lawyer with an eye for real estate. But when you find yourself being pelted with lemons, you should try to make some lemonade, which is what the people of Pikeville, KY did. On the very grounds where this infamous chapter of was written, they now hold Hillbilly Days!
1999-08-10
Check out these FREAKS who call people up on the phone and pretend to be RETARDED HILLBILLIES (Why didn't I think of that??). My sides hurt from laughing so hard. These are some bad, bad people.
1999-06-29
Picture this: it's a benefit concert. It stars Lynyrd Skynyrd. It's a memorial for Columbine massacre victims. It will be beamed live to all Wal-Mart stores in the country. You can pinch yourself, but you won't wake up; once you start screaming, you might not be able to stop... in the Twilight Zone.
1999-06-29
Here's something you don't get enough of on the web; a whole site apparently devoted to the sorts of "inspirational" stories and poems you normally find in the back pages of TRUE STORY magazine and the intermittent Ann Landers column on a day when Ann is feeling really lazy.
1999-06-25
There's a bunch of people up in the hills of Vermont who build their own telescopes so they can look at the stars. If that's not genuine cyberbilly, I don't know what is.
1999-06-21
Defending Boise as "Mayberry for computer geeks," noted Boise personality "Lego-Man" recently purchased a 1969 BMW his brother spotted "sitting out in the farmer's back forty."
1999-05-11
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement.
1998-11-13
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert.
Offsite links shared by staff writers
2002-02-05
2001-12-03
2001-03-06
2000-07-28
2000-01-21
1999-12-26
1999-11-17
Want to learn to make dead flesh all black and smoky, with the vital juices gooshing around inside? Then you should view this Cyberbilly meat-maker tutorial!
1999-11-08
1999-07-08
Hey! It's that place with the bumper stickers. I wonder if The Mystery Spot has a Web site.
1999-06-24
1999-06-08
Crazy-ass Japanese cyberbillies create cheap knockoff ROBOT DOGS in imitation of Spock Mountain Research Labs!
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
