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Wine Spockiodi
1999-08-25 21:24:24

Spocktail of the Week
Got tight last night on absinthe. Did knife tricks.
-- Ernest Hemingway


This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH!

Wine Spockiodi ("SPAH-kee-OH-dee") is an improvement on the old wino/hipster drink, wine spodi-odi, from the jazzbo beatnik days. Jack Kerouac and Charlie Parker used to go drink this stuff in bad juke joints on the outskirts of East St. Louis and then wake up in Seattle a few weeks later with unexplained surgical scars on their abdomens.

The magic of this drink is that it mixes two of the most horrendous liquids known to man -- cheap wine and cheap whiskey -- with a few crazy spices and a bit of Spockish magic to make for a SPECTACULAR SPOCKTAIL that will leave your houseguests begging for more.

I first had Wine Spockiodi with an old friend of mine from the Netherlands, GEERT VAN GROENIG. He's a bad Dutch Amiga hacker with an adam's apple and thin rimless glasses who spent most of his time on his last visit to San Francisco downloading techno MODs through my DSL line onto Syquest drives to take back to Rotterdam with him. Whenever he stays with me, I find bestiality porn mags underneath the furniture in every room for months to come. Stuck between the unpleasant pages of "The Horse Lovers' Journal" I found a recipe for Wine Spockiodi printed out on a dot matrix printer in 24-pt script font. It's that recipe I share with you now.


  • 4 oz cheap red wine (can be Burgundy, I prefer Beaujolais Nouveau)
  • 2 oz cheap Kentucky whiskey
  • a pinch of allspice
  • 1 oz brewed ma huang

Brew ma huang (ephedra, mormon tea, Indian tea) real strong. Let cool for 24 hours. Mix wine and whiskey and ma huang in a large glass. Sprinkle VERY LIGHTLY the allspice over the top of the glass -- you're looking for a "floating" effect. Drink ONLY with close friends, and WRITE YOUR NAME on your ARM with indelible marker before leaving the house.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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