This week's list: The Ogre Juggernaut Comments on Mr. Bad's
latest [sic] list
Editor's Note: This week we're honored to have a
special celebrity guest columnist, Tjames Madison, provide a
rebuttal to Mr. Bad's previous column, Totally Hot Chicks I Want to Get All Freaky
Editor's Additional Note To The Ladies: Mr. Tjames does not always
look like a degenerate desert FREAK. I just picked this image because he
looks so evil in it.
Yeah, I guess so. But she's apparently dopey. And once she made that
"Party Girl" movie, it was just a question of when the incessant
overexposure would catch up to her. And now it's 1999, and this is like
picking Cheryl Ladd in 1985.
Had to look her up. What is your problem? She has enormous teeth.
"Cookie (the daughter from "Blondie")"
Not bad, but I go with the daughter from "Hagar the Horrible".
You're such a suck-up.
Ooh, the smoky look. The smoky pseudo-Keaney waify look, without having
to deal with the fact that she's Winona Ryder. The "look at me, I
mentioned someone suitably obscure" look you're making right now.
Plus a free lifetime supply of Campbell's Soup!
The TV witch or the porn star?
"Lady Miss Kier"
Yeah, maybe in 1994, I guess.
Awwwwwwww. That is just so cuuuuuute.
Hey, it's your list.
Well-trained psychologists can cure this problem.
Is this some Star Track thing? NERD!
"Me'shell Ndege'Ocello or whatever"
See Collette, Toni.
"The dark-haired, leather-clad singer from AWD"
Oh yeah? Well the cute one in Luscious Jackson! You know what one I'm
"Marilyn vos Savant"
Brrrrrr. Better wear a thermal condom.
"Hi, my name is Mister Bad, and I just think up names at random and
write them down."
"The Star*Kist Tuna mermaid"
Ariel from "The Little Mermaid"
Only if she's wearing cateye glasses.
Thank you. I will send you the bill for my therapy.
Nerd II: The Quickening
While I appreciate the originality involved in picking nobody's favorite
Spice Girl, how about just NOT PICKING Spice Girls?
She's a lesbian, you know.
FINALLY, we agree on someone.
"This totally babe girl from my high school who I had a painfully
secret crush on and I still many years later have erotic dreams
(cont.) "...and now I stalk her on the net and I know where she works so
I'm gonna go hang around there next week and look at her when she comes
while I hide behind some stuff."
"The Solid Gold Dancers"
The Fly Girls from "In Living Color"
"KTVU Anchorwoman Diane Dwyer"
You could not be more disgusting.
There's two we agree on.