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Betel Balm -- Reported 1999-03-15 20:49 by Pao Tzu

You do it just right, baby

Fig. 1.Betel nut looks nothing like this.

Disclaimer: As always, doing anything I say is likely impractical and illegal.

Areca catechu: AKA betel nut or betel palm; a shinny neck member of the palmaceae family with arecoline containing nuts used as an intoxicant in places such as Guam.

The Chinese government is attemping to crack down on the cultivation of betel nut (see for yourself). People from Guam, which is under control of the USA, come to Florida and/or California as the climate best suits betel nut cultivation. For Guamese to grow betel nut in these places is easy. As a result, it is now widely cultivated in these areas, and A.catechu palms are commonly sold in nurseries.

As you have read from the Chinese government's report on betel nut crackdowns, it can easily become an epidemic. In Taiwan, betel nuts are the #2 most valueable crop. Rice still holds #1. Most, if not all Southeast Asian countries have merchants peddling them on the streets.

The nut sold by Southeast Asian A.catechu peddlers is meant to be inserted in the mouth and the sucked, knawed, licked, and otherwise saliva soaked to release the powerful stimulant arecoline. The arecoline forms more rapidly with the addition of lime, a mineral one might find in a deep hole.

Ok, so you want to start your own betel nut farm right? Hectares of tall and skinny palm trees yielding tons of betel nuts a year? For climate, as already stated, somewhere in Palmaceae country like California. They can either be purchased live for between $20 and $40 for a small tree or grown straight from seed. Terilized seeds from a group of start plants will tend to increase adaptability of the seeds in furthur generations to your particular microclimate.

Dig a big hole in the ground with a good shovel. Now fill the hole with regular compost. Fill a smaller inner hole full of softer compost. Put your seed in the smaller hole.

This can be illustrated as such:


TOP

  XXXXXXXXX
 XXX^^^^^XXX
XXX^^^*^^^XXX
 XXX^^^^^^XX
  XXXXXXXXX

SIDE

^^^^^^^^XXXX
*^^^^XXXXX
XXXXXXX
XXXXX

Water it a little every day when it is small and a little more every other day when it is tall. Get the seeds and dig an even deeper hole to get a good supply of lime.

Now put a little bit of lime with a betel nut wrapped in a leaflet and suck away at these until your gums fall out and you develop mouth cancer.

 

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

punchbowl@pigdog.org


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