Crack Pipe -- by Pao Tzu
By Pao Tzu
Pigdog Staff Writer
The U.S. has been good at attacking easy targets this year. We
already attacked Afghanistan "secret bases" to thwart their
supposed involvement in the Kenya bombings... easy targets. Does
anybody really believe that these bases were "secret"? Maybe to
most folks, but to the U.S. intelligence cronies who set those
bases up in the first place, the locations were quite easy to find.
Who do you think taught Afghanistan how to sell heroin so good?
The CIA? Oh yeah, it was them...
Then we bombed a Sudanese milk factory, or did we do that first?
Same day, in any case. So we bombed their "secret" biochemical
weapons facility. How did we know it was a bio-bomb factory?
Could we have possibly been hooking them up with the technology so
that we could add more VX-gas to our stockpile? Maybe.
OK, now we want to "inspect" Iraq's "weapon caches." So we can be
sure that they get rid of all their nuclear and biological
weapons. Huh. Wait, how do we know they even have them? The only
thing they ever demonstrated was their mustard gas supply. Hell,
I could make that stuff. Everybody in the world has had that
kinda gas for the last half century. Does that have anything to
do with Sudanese baby milk factories? Could the U.S. possibly
have been hooking up Sudan to produce chemmy bombs to hook Iraq up
with to use with all of those neat armaments the U.S. gave Iraq to
kill Iranians? Um, didn't the CIA assassinate the democratically
elected leader of Iran?
Oh, oh, I forgot, Saddam Hussein is obviously insane because his
name rhymes with insane and George Bush called him a madman on TV.
I still don't understand, wasn't he supposed to be our bro?
Wasn't he supposed to use all those biological weapons on the
Iranians? Maybe he couldn't dust the whole lot of them. So we put
a trade embargo on Iraq for their inhumanity and violation of
Soon we'll be buying scuds off the Russians to corner the market
just in case Iraq runs out. I'm in. You could make a pretty
penny selling scuds.
And our president uses some cunt as a humidor. Whose mother saves
a dress with a big cum stain on it. Doesn't she know about Didi-7?
OK, so Pakistan has nukes, India has nukes, we have nukes, east
Africa has plastique, Clinton has an ugly dog, Israel has a
million spy planes, Afghanistan has "secret" bases, Sudan has
"secret" weapons facilities, Iraq has "secret" weapons
what is everybody worried about? Saddam Hussein isn't going to
stick no cigars nowhere, there's a trade embargo, he can't even
get cigars. Is this still about B.P.? They're all right, they
give you a free lottery ticket with a full tank of gas. Besides,
there's still Venezuela. If they get a leader who tries to raise
the price of oil, just kill him. No problem. they have plenty of
cigars in Costa Rica.
Oh, but Britain are the paranoid ones. They probably think
America has been wheeling and dealing behind their backs. They
want in on the goods. U.S. can take a stand, no way Britain. But
America knows from experience that shooting Brits will just turn
into a habit, so we'll pretend to wage war on some dictator.
But we have to be on the watch, Iraq might nuke Kuwait. Oooh,
Kuwait. If they got taken out, what would happen to the CIA's
white slave trade?