Build Date: Fri Mar 29 09:20:24 2024 UTC
You want a FUCKING QUOTE on the Quote Page?!? Dickwad.
-- JRoyale
Pigdog Journal Quote Daturbase
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. -- Anonymous
"Pussyfoot" is a really weird word, if you think about it too long. -- Mr. Bad
I think you're less of a freak than you want to be but more of a freak than you want to admit to your mom. -- Tjames Madison
(if this is a hallucination i'm enjoying it immensely.) -- rotten elf
It's not an adult feature unless, at the end, someone's gooey. Arcing ropes of jism hitting chins-- that is an adult feature. -- Bill Hicks
I pledge upon the altar of Spock eternal hostility against every form of tyrrany over the mind of man. -- Tjames Madison
I think I need to either get another nickname or drink more. -- Liquor Pig
The more I think about religion and people and everything that we have and have done, the more I'm convinced we're just monkeys with sticks. -- Ragboy
The scarcity of public booze fountains is a major sore point with me. -- Johnnie Royale
No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket take the ride. -- HST
Isn't it wonderful that, despite our differences, we're united in our mutual love of beer? -- Mr. Bad
Goddamn all you people to hell. Thom Stark, you stole my Dog Name. -- Ratsnatcher
Finns are a subset of drunks... -- Johnnie Royale
The Octopus is gonna get you sooner or later. -- El Snatcher
I have seen the violence inherent in the system, and it's ME. -- Negative Nancy
Thirty-fifth Street. Home Sweet Home. Mosquito population...zero. -- Doctor Murdock
I'd like a bumper sticker that says "Pillage Globally, Profit Locally." -- Trevor 'Fuckhead' Johnson
Sorry to be such an annoying prick. -- Paul Vortex
Blackhawks are just big, dumb troop carriers, like flying AC Transit buses. -- Tjames Madison
Mankind is basically a battlefield... a dark cellar in which a well-bred spinster lady and a sex crazed monkey are forever engaged in mortal combat, the struggle being refereed by a rather nervous bank clerk. -- D. Bannister
I wonder if every city press club has an adjoining whiskey-soaked flophouse? -- Mr. Bad
There is a very good chance now that the most powerful nation in the world is about to become an irrational killing machine, and I don't think it will know how to stop once it gets started. -- Tjames Madison
It is 100% proven that BSD has a better mascot. -- Ratsnatcher
All the yelling for peace is murder on my hangover -- Johnny Royale
Ahh, what's the point in trying to explain it to you? It's simpler to just say FUCK YOU. -- H.R. Pufenstuf
I discovered some time back that those bubble-wrap envelopes will hold liquor. Bitch to seal, though. -- Crackmonkey
I actually don't give a fuck why they hate us. -- Tjames Madison
If someone like Karl Rove had wanted to neutralize the most creative, intelligent, and passionate members of his opposition, he'd have a hard time coming up with a better tool than Burning Man. Exile them to the wilderness, give them a culture in which alpha status requires months of focus and resource-consumptive preparation, provide them with metric tons of psychotropic confusicants, and then... ignore them. It's a pretty safe bet that they won't be out registering voters, or doing anything that might actually threaten electoral change, when they have an art car to build. -- John Perry Barlow
You have come a long way from the Bloodthirsty, Beady-eyed news Hawk that you were in days of yore. Maybe you should try reading something besides those goddamn motorcycle magazines -- or one of these days you'll find hair growing in your palms. -- HST
WE WILL ARGUE ABOUT X-WINDOWS UNTIL THE PYRAMIDS ARE 3 FEET HIGH! -- Ratsnatcher
Got tight last night on absinthe. Did knife tricks. -- Ernest Hemingway
I think that I'm no longer treading water, but being swept downstream. -- Juggler Vain
I thought you were registered under the USDA "Soil Bank" program. Like, by law, you have to let the job fields lay fallow. -- Mr. Bad
Joey Ramone is DEAD! Don't you UNDERSTAND? Nothing you say can possibly matter now. -- Tjames Madison
I like this gun. -- Master Squid
Quit being so NANCY. Next you'll be drinking Amstel Light. -- Ratsnatcher
Madness has no purpose. Or reason. But it may have a goal. -- Spock
The day is my enemy. The night is my friend. -- Ella Fitzgerald
Heh heh heh. Say what you want about me, Dixie Buttmunch, but OS/2 is dead, dead, dead like Jackie G. and no amount of Evan-baiting is going to bring it back. -- Mr. Bad
People who read PDJ should expect to be lied to. Dangerous, irresponsible lies at that. Fuck the rules. -- Lenny Tuberose
Guinness at 6:30 AM! Delicious! -- Ratsnatcher
We need more maniacs. -- Ratsnatcher
Once you accept the Bozo that is within yourself, you can accept the Bozo that is within us ALL. And they all had the best Christmas ever. -- Tjames Madison
Perhaps you should shut your idiot facehole before more idiot falls out. -- Mr. Bad
Little do people know that one day the Busey Clan will rise up and dominate the earth. -- Roby
Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. -- HST
Hehehehe. Funny you should mention nitrous tonight... -- Johnnie Royale
Ah, looks like it's about time to turn human misery into fat piles of cash. -- S. Dallas, Esq.
Vulcans never bluff. -- Spock
I keep getting voicemail messages from an Imperial droid calling from Hoth. -- Baron Earl
It's all about balance ...and sleep. Only I forgot what the sleep part is really like. -- Bad Pixie
I imagine I can last until the absinthe runs out; then, I'm afraid, I'll have to work. -- HST
Never trust a man in a blue trenchcoat; never drive a car when you're dead. -- Tom Waits
did the body take her meds? -- maj
oh man i'm starting to miss Cambodia. -- rotten elf
Now, I'm no artist, but I'm crazy, and I know how to burn stuff up and talk like a redneck. -- Tjames Madison
If you want a stable environment, you're already dead. And boring, to boot. -- Mr. Bad
If bodybuilding is an art, some of the people on this list would qualify as surrealists. -- Quaker State Tapioca Rupture
Well, my dad grew up below the poverty line - so I got a lot of stories about walking to school in a blizzard, up hill; both ways - sounds pretty horrible... so I want to avoid having to live in a neighborhood like that. -- Johnnie Royale
If I ever need to get rescued by a group of toddlers and a man with a yellow purse whose only extraction plan is to quickly eat Tootsie Rolls, just let me explode with the god damn plane. -- Sean Baby
You're just trying to smear me by associating me with crazy reptoid conspiracists. You big smearer. -- RatSnatcher
NO LUBRICATION, BLOOD IS TRIVIAL. -- Doctor Murdock
Quit quipping at me. You're just mad because I reduced you to gurgling epithets in the aliens debate. -- Ratsnatcher
Liquor is God's holiest gift to us. -- Joseph S. Barrera III
Universal Studios is about as much fun as getting a summons. -- Tjames Madison
i'm sorry for using quasi-real names and being gory. -- Sylvia
The future is like walking down some unlit corridor, and it gets darker and darker as you move into it. -- Jack Valenti
Usenet is like junior high school, except it's not as well-lit and it's full of Dutch people. -- Tjames Madison
I think every motorcycle bar should be just packed with delicate little unescorted girls. And all bars should also serve ham. -- Mr. Bad
how do you love someone who has peoples' heads chopped off? -- rotten elf
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls. -- Ross Levy
I must have eaten some really stupid people's brains. -- Downer Cow
Blogs are to Wikis as masturbation is to anonymous group sex. -- Master Squid
There is nothing wrong with belt AND suspenders when it comes to security. Your position assumes that the belt is near perfect, and that you've got nothing worth looking at if your pants fall down anyway. -- MasterSquid
No more Task Force Smiths! -- The Compulsive Splicer
I've been taking calcium/magnesium to stop my butthole from spasming... it works. -- Paul Vortex
Coors Light is not a beer... it is crime against humanity. -- Johnnie Royale
Silly grownup, speed is for kids. -- Juggler Vain
In case any of you decide to off yourself, may I please have your head? -- Head Freezin' Gene
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. -- HST
Variety is the spice of life. Cable television is the Spice Girl of Life. -- Baron Earl
We don't need brow sweating ogres like you coming on here, in a frenzy of chicken lust and cocaine jitters, attacking everyone like some kind of 400 pound, hopped up Truman Capote. -- Ratsnatcher
Btw, I'm stinkin' drunk, and its great!! YEHAW! -- Ms. Bunnypenny
I don't think one has to be very evolved to find a job in Idaho. -- Head Freezin' Gene
You say that like Hawaiian Punch and Vodka is a bad thing. -- Johnnie Royale
I hear that Boris is cracking down on Russian hillbilly moonshine... -- Ratsnatcher
I think there's more to it than meets the eye. Marimba is part of an organized plot of some kind. -- Ratsnatcher
Morality has no place in America. We are a capitalist society. -- Slashdot Reader
KERRIST. THIS PLANET IS OVERDUE FOR A TOTAL WIPE. -- Head Freezin' Gene
I really shouldn't have gone to the game as I had so much work to do around the house, but it was nice to actually see the sun - it is yellow you know. -- Johnnie Royale
Strapping a corpse onto a motorcycle is real gross, even if it is the decaying corpse of your father. -- Ratsnatcher
Divide people up in terms of are they assholes, creeps, or walking corpses. -- Flesh
[It] was quite a trip, I went to the fractals at the end of time - and back. -- ICBINJ
I'm a lazy, drunken hillbilly with a heart full of hate. -- HST
Also, when I was your age, we walked ten miles each way to school in smog as thick as pipe smoke, wearing respirators, through mudslides, while being chased by serial killers. And we LIKED it that way. -- Tjames Madison
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Henny Youngman
You can put the liquor in the girl, but you cannot put the girl in the liquor. -- Allegra
The sun is my enemy. -- Johnnie Royale
I've been told that I had a great time. -- Donkey Hotey
Jesus, at least get a thesaurus, or a dictionary that includes the "big" words or something. -- Johnnie Royale
One wonders how prior generations survived and flourished without the Internet and alt.binaries.clits. -- Johnnie Royale
When putting someone into a killfile, one should do it without hesitation, and without bringing attention to the fact. Killfiling someone and telling them beforehand is on par with running around with your fingers in your ears while screaming LALALALALALA -- Poindexter Fortran
[I'm] too dumb to live, too damn lucky to die. -- Mr. Bad
Don't be dissin' on my wine, you potatoe drinkin' head-freezer. -- Ratsnatcher
I say we nuke Canadia 'til it glows. -- Johnnie Royale
I want my invisible jet, just like Wonder Woman. Does that make me gay? -- Dag
I know it would like suck and all for everybody else, but I am sorry, I would like to be responsible for crashing the universe. I can just see myself saying "Oooppss, I didn't mean to do that.... say you guys should have made this like idiot proof." -- Johnnie Royale
Fear is the enemy and anarchy is our supply line! -- Mr. Bad
We talked about fucking your mom in her last agonizing moments. I hope she died a painful death. -- Flesh
We're basically twelve angry men and a couple of chicks... -- Johnnie Royale
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. Because when you wake up, that's as good as you're going to feel all day. -- Frank Sinatra
There's a fucking guy played by Jeremy Irons who builds a trebuchet to launch clones to the moon. ISN'T THAT ENOUGH? -- frankenspock
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, That's as good as they're going to feel all day. -- Frank Sinatra
I didn't eat any shit. I slung it back at ya like an angry mandrill. -- h.r. taffs
Any discussion that isn't about drinking, me or me drinking isn't interesting in the least. -- Johnnie Royale
Oh right, like your opinions are any better then anybody else's. -- Johnnie Royale
Clinton said he tried marijuana and didn't inhale - what does that tell you? Brownies or hash cakes? -- Bill Hicks
you can't spell "death" without "DEA". -- Juggler Vain
Expensive tequila means you just pay more for your evil. -- Johnnie Royale
Pigdog is its own mobile amusement park - just add alcohol and stand back. -- Johnnie Royale
It'd be interesting to tally how many different laws you'd be breaking by importing a 15-year-old sex slave. -- Mr. Bad
Sheep, calf, pig; whatever semi-living meat is wandering around, the British will eat it. -- Tjames Madison
I ahte being a drunk tyypisty... -- Peter
I removed acroread to please vrms. -- Don Marti
I realize Webvan is going to fold any second, but do you realize they are giving away FREE HAM!?! -- Quaker State Tapioca Rupture
Attach an applet to everything. Over load the front page like a Mexican fruit truck! -- Flesh
Fuck! I just realized, you people all hate me. -- Ratsnatcher
Man! I didn't even know they _had_ retarded monkey whorehouses. Cool! -- Mr. Bad
Of course, it is always easier to whine... Goodness knows we prove that on Pigdog-l every Goddamn Day. -- Johnnie Royale
I hate this keyboard...as soon as I send this message - one piece becomes many. -- Johnnie Royale
You misspelled Freud, and you didn't understand the original joke. Go sit in the corner. -- Tjames Madison
Occam's razor sez: I'll cut you. -- Eugen*
My fits of Joy are soiled by relentless flashbacks and ghosts too foul to name -- HST
We are not interesting people when sober, believe me. -- Mr. Bad
It's my experience that it's better to blow the monkeys AFTER you give them a nice, warm enema. -- Tjames Madison
PS: Don't let him freeze your head while you're still alive. -- Snatcher
Canadia should be dissolved and given to the Tongans. -- Master Squid
fuck you very much with a gun. -- rotten elf
Remember, safety third. -- Johnnie Royale
We've gotta get out of here. I have The Fear. -- Dr. Gonzo
Hey... where did TJames go? -- Master Squid
Fear of the Tenderloin ranks up there with fear of the monsters under your bed. -- The Compulsive Splicer
I just successfully generated over 25000 web pages -- each page containing one or more BAD IDEAS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! With this I will RULE THE WORLD! -- enigma
We 1) are loud, 2) break things, 3) set things on fire. -- Mr. Bad
The "S" stands for "Super-Evil"! -- ESP
In 20 years we'll all be driving around in electric flying cars anyway. -- Tjames Madison
In this field I am a little short on ignorance, but I've got a surplus of apathy. -- The Compulsive Splicer
RoR, man... deli meat and black, black blood -- Doctor Murdock
Bad People drink bad beer. -- HST
It Never Got Weird Enough For Me -- HST
I'm pretty sure that the FAA prohibits planes from flying into skyscrapers. -- Johnnie Royale
Wikis are a piece of hippie technology, based on good intentions and sharing and happy goodness and mom and apple pie but, as in every hippie technology, the actual implementation sucks. -- Kiko
I'm skeptical of the premise that there is any such thing as a good musical. -- The Compulsive Splicer
I've always wanted to take acid at Disneyland. I'd get a set of mouse-ears with "Satan" embroidered on the hat-part, and wear them with a big, stupid, evil grin on my face. Then I'd go ride Mr. Toad's Wild Ride again and again, even though it isn't there anymore. -- Enigma
I got depressed cause my motherboard keeps giving me a Blue Screen of Death (BSOD) and so I decided to drink Guinness. -- Johnnie Royale
Moral: Never use Windows. -- Ratsnatcher
One of the great things about aging is that you don't have to hang out with or see the people you had sex with as a teenager. With incest you don't have that luxury. -- Enigma
I think you're a hypocrite for calling me a hypocrite for calling you a hypocrite. -- Mr. Bad
Why should ANYONE around here feel in awe of "Fight Club?" Fuck "Fight Club." -- Mr. Bad
I think I need to develop a new character flaw or two. -- Johnnie Royale
A rich person once sent me some porn, as a kind of thank you. Lemme tell you, rich people's porn is different from the porn the rest of us get. -- Patient Joab
It takes a nation of mandrills to keep us down. -- Tjames Madison
I want my suitcase of pornography and sexual paraphernalia back. -- Mr. Bad
It's true people can get away with playing with my head more easily than with most people's. This fact will just have to clunk along. -- Sylvia
I NEED TO CALM DOWN NOW, AND TO MAKE A PLAN. YES. I NEED TO SIT DOWN, AND TO MAKE A PLAN. NOW. -- Head Freezin' Gene
Godamn these voices in my head! -- Kip Kinkel
Maybe you could drip a little more sarcasm. You would be like the queen in ALIENS, with so much dripping. -- Ratsnatcher
You can't drink in parks around here; so I don't even know how to get to the parks. They might be nice, but I'll never know. -- S. Dallas, Esq.
Did somebody step on a duck? -- Rodney Dangerfield
Any REAL CREED has to mention Spock or it really isn't much of a CREED now, is it? -- Johnnie Royale
But then again I wasn't dripping in blood. Well, not a lot. -- Flesh
Argg!!!!! I just spilled beer all over my mail server! -- Ratsnatcher
I am allegedly drunk. -- Tjames Madison
In conclusion, you're all gay and I hate rock and roll. -- Mr. Bad
I wonder how the engineering would change if the racecars had to race through peanut butter and the cars had to be made entirely out of wicker. -- Mr. Bad
My problem with spontaneous human combustion is that never seems to happen to the "right" people. -- Johnnie Royale
Next dead man float I'm gonna have is gonna have a piece of Mr. Bad floating in it. -- Johnny Royale
Messing up a flamenco guitarist's performance is one of life's greatest pleasures. -- Baron Earl
I HATE those pills. They turn my dick orange. -- Donkey Hotey
i want a machine gun. i want whoever is doing this to me to stand in front of it and suck it. -- rotten elf
I took a Career Guidance test in high school. I checked off that I hated everything, but that working outside was tolerable. The computer software suggested that I become a Postal Carrier. -- Baron Earl
I read this book once called "The Baghdad Blogger"... I thought it was gonna be some Jack the Ripper thing... turned out to be some guy who liked Portishead. The sort of guy you'd go for a pint with, but would prefer not to read a bloody book about. -- Zippy
Hehe. RTFM, baby -- Crackmonkey
I feel tingly and clued in! Let's do a website and build robots! -- Tjames Madison
This made me laugh so hard that gin came squirting out of my nose. Oddly enough, I was drinking lemonade at the time. -- doctor obnox son of a bitch
What you do in the light is reflected in the dark. Leave some doors open before you cross over. -- Anon
I'm getting out of Concord while the speed addicts on my block are still relatively few. -- Master Squid
Besides, the NRA are a bunch of liberal commie pinkos. -- Master Squid
I think a man is as big as what makes him mad. -- Reno Smith
Listen to your inner SPOCK! -- Head Freezin' Gene
Jeez, man. Why're you so eldritch tonight? -- Crackmonkey
Somebody needs to open up a whole warehouse full of bitch-slap on those jerks.. -- That One
God I hope I never have to stop drinking - even after I die. -- Johnnie Royale
I'd rather talk to moron than a zealot. -- Johnnie Royale
Geez, yr one to talk. Your liver is being given tortures that were last seen in Spanish dungeons during the Inquisition. -- Flesh
Oh, definitely fuck with SVNC. -- Pao Tzu
I never met a deadline that I liked. -- Frankenstein Jones
TWIST AWAY those GATES of STEEEL! -- Devo
Ha ha! Flesh! You can't go back and change what I wrote! That's pathetic!! -- Wendolonia
You say potato... I say fuck you. -- Johnnie Royale
Bandwidth doesn't matter. -- Pao-Tzu
Who the fuck cares who gets the parades? -- Johnnie Royale
This is the INTERNET, man. It was *built* by the AV crew. -- Mr. Bad
I am a cur without honor. -- Mr. Bad
If Zach dropped a bottle of $69 dollar liquor, I think I would kill him. -- Johnnie Royale
i don't need meds, i just need pretty pigments. -- rotten elf
I dance in my sleep, and fly; waking, I am clumsy and earthbound. -- Juggler Vain
A one gigabyte hard drive. I'll never delete a file again! -- Doctor Murdock, in 1994
I am Spock. -- Leonard Nimoy
I hate you non-smokers with all of my little black fucking heart, you obnoxious, self-righteous, whining little fucks, my biggest fear, if I quit smoking, is that I'll become one of you. -- Bill Hicks
Point? What point? Who's got the point? Taco BOING! -- Tjames Madison
We had a fine jug band. -- Tjames Madison
Please, folks, ASCII art is INTERLOGICAL POOPERY! Do not steal it, or you are a STEALER!!!!1! -- Mr. Bad
I for one am perpetually about three minutes away from taking to the street with Molotov cocktails. -- Siduri
Beer is Civilization. -- Jeff Gerstmann
We prefer to be the annoyance rather than the annoyed. -- Mr. Bad
We’re living in a parallel universe. Unfortunately it’s the one where Spock grows a beard. -- Baron Earl
As Americans, we reserve the right to mispronounce, misspell, fuck, or kill anything that crosses our path. This is why the French can't stand us. -- The Compulsive Splicer
No surgery could hide the sparkle of brilliant nuck clone mastermind evil that you have in your eyes. -- Mr. Bad
I am the Radiskull. I'll kill you one by one. -- Radiskull
I hate you all. Suck my gooey wad of hate. -- Mr. Bad
Nature is a lazy Mother. -- Anonymous
Subtlety is not one of my virtues. -- Johnnie Royale
I'll condescend to you all I want, bee-yatch. If you don't want to be condescended to, don't act like a putz. -- Mr. Bad
Does anyone know how to set someone on fire over the Internet? -- Mr. Bad
I've left enough things hanging that they can't afford to fire me. -- Mr. Bad
I sorta want to kill you real bad right now. -- Tjames Madison
It's the black bile and evil venom that gives me the strength to keep on living. -- Bad Pixie
I'd be more than happy to see the Democrats eat a big shit pie this November. -- Mr. Bad
Getting reasoned consensus is for pussies. -- Mr. Bad
He made a CD of nothing but midget porn...he found it all on the Internet... -- Dr. Murdock
I applaud your obvious intoxication but I have no fucking idea what you are ranting on about. -- Johnnie Royale
Man, what a shitty week I am having... grumpy doesn't even begin to describe my mood. Chachi, say something stupid so I can yell at you. -- Johnnie Royale
Black magic operates most effectively in preconscious, marginal areas. Casual curses are the most effective. -- William S. Burroughs
Check's in the mail. Don't cash it until the year 2002. -- Tjames Madison
If everyone jumped off the Empire State building, it wouldn't hurt after a while. -- Abby
Don't hate me because I'm the golden child. -- Special Ed
I wonder what kind of damage Larry Ellison could do, if he started doing meth. -- Flesh
Oh good; more stupid. We were running low. -- S. Dallas, Esq.
But then cops REALLY CAME and they SHUT DOWN THE FUTURE so we had to stumble out into the past and look for busses. We gave up and started looking for BATHROOMS. -- Crackmonkey
Discussions about Java are good and natural and embody everything that is clean and good about the world. -- Ratsnatcher
i know this sounds insane, but my EX boyfirend really IS bill gates, and i'm presently refusing to fuck lots of other people as well. -- rotten elf
It's sort of like Moore's law or something -- every new alpha-geek Linux distribution will have a logo that's twice as lame as the logo for the last alpha-geek distribution. -- El Snatcher
What is needed is not censorship, but rather increasingly educated senses of perspective and critical judgement. -- rotten elf
The only questions worth asking today are whether humans are going to have any emotions tomorrow, and what the quality of life will be if the answer is no. -- Lester Bangs
The angels got the voices but the devil's got the rock and roll -- Richard O'Brien
Guinness is Pigdog and Pigdog is Guinness. -- Johnnie Royale
If I could give up Linux and masturbation, I'd probably gain 30 working hours in a week. -- The Compulsive Splicer
Run with the RATS, get RABIES and DIE. -- Mr. Bad
Please leave my undergarments out of this discussion. -- Daisy
I would disarm the entire world, because it would be cool to see people have massive battles using only their teeth and nails. Those of us who floss regularly would soon rule the earth! -- Mr. Bad
I don't care what any of these eggheads say about estrogenic whatzahoozits. I'm willing to sing soprano and have a huge quivering hairy vagina in the middle of my chest if it means I get to have JUSTONE MORE GODDAMN BEER. -- Mr. Bad
In your culture, popularity may be achieved by bizarre beings and in strange ways. -- Spock
If that's all there is, my friend, then let's keep dancing. Let's break out the booze and have a ball. If that's all there is. -- Peggy Lee
Cope or Die -- Johnnie Royale
Evan lives in a world of discriminating junkies... -- Negative Nancy
Has anyone ever told you you're sexy when you get all passive-agressive? -- The Compulsive Splicer
It's funny and Spockish, and it would make all the robots break when they see it! And then you would be king and you could make Harry Mudd go to hell. -- ESP
I _could_ do that. But that would require work. And I'd rather sit and complain. -- Yosemite Sam
I am a Pyramids on Mars expert, not a swing expert! -- El Snatcher
When I'm interested in a truth, it's really a truth truth, one hundred per cent. And that's a terrible kind of truth to be interested in -- Lenny Bruce
With the truth so dull and depressing, the only working alternative is wild bursts of madness and filigree. -- HST
I liked Jesus Christ Superstar. Especially when the tanks showed up. -- frankenspock
In the future, as to not create any more controversy, I will limit my affection and genuine liking of people to a "High Five" or a head butt. -- Amy
I'm here to stupid myself to death. -- Bonehead
Your atomic vector plotter seem to have ran out of strong Darjeeling, and starts picking up crosstalk from alternative reality branches. -- Head Freezin' Gene
Extropians don't have souls, so no moonbase for you. -- Johnnie Royale
Them is not hip to Us yet. -- Tjames Madison
You know, I really feel bad for you Mac people. Sort of. I mean, it was your choice. -- Tjames Madison
It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet. -- G.W. Bush, Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000
If you are sober you should be trying to get drunk. -- Johnnie Royale
What do you know about girls anyway, Gene? Ones with their heads still attached? -- H. R. Pufenstuf
It's raining out now. I'd go out and run naked except that I'm in Oakland and I'd probably be arrested. -- The Compulsive Splicer
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -- Dean Martin
When it comes to Darwinism, what the hell does fairness have to do with it. Evolution is inherently unfair. -- Johnnie Royale
Parse does not the above. -- Doctor Obnox
Pigdog is a wretched hive of vulgarity and gizmo-phallocentricity. -- Chachi
Knowing what a bunch of capitalistic swine you guys are, I'd bet you'd rent that guy the inflatable sheep by the hour. -- Johnnie Royale
If your 87 year old Aunt Edna all of a sudden started handing out fresh tabs of acid, would you complain about how embarrasing and un-hip Edna is with her rocking chair and Alzheimers n' all, or would you just shut up and enjoy this unexpected bounty... -- Patient Joab
I wish I was drunk, so I wouldn't have to think of tomorrow. -- Head Freezin' Gene
I see a REAL BAD HANGOVER in your IMMEDIATE FUTURE. -- Head Freezin' Gene
OK. What part of "Blah blah, blah BLAH blah" did you people not understand? -- P a u l
I trust you as far as Stephen Hawking can throw you. -- Flesh
This is Pigdog, so the door is always open... whatever the hell that means. -- Johnnie Royale
d00d! You missed the best part! Turns out that fat chick was actually BUGS BUNNY! -- Mr. Bad
As far as I can tell, my salary is for useful programming, and the options are for total lines of code. Which given the current stock price, seems fair and just for everyone. -- Joe
Hey, I take exception to that! I don't say "Wooo." I say, "Wooohahahah! WOOOOHahahHAHAHAH!!!!!" -- Ratsnatcher
There would be a fucking miracle of god if that's what it took to ruin my day -- Negative Nancy
Her skin was soft, like a decomposing body. I mean that in a good way. -- El Destino
Don't hit the atmosphere. It'll only make it whine. -- Binky
I am Leonard Nimoy -- Spock
I no longer have a soul, having bartered it long ago for dashing good looks and a handful of super-powers. -- Lenny Tuberose
btw, i thought it would be obvious but i DO NOT LIKE TORTURE. -- Sylvia
Last night I was at Denny's in Emeryville, and security guards wearing big uniforms, leather gloves, batons, and sidearms (45's maybe) seated us!! They weren't just standing around like normal security guards, they were the hosts. -- Ratsnatcher
I think I better dance now. -- Tom Jones
Not buying it. Very sloppy. Extremely relaxed thinking. -- Tjames
Natural Selection, do your stuff. -- Flesh
It's like coming back to your hometown to see the town hall's clock still stopped at 10:04. Isn't it reassuring? -- Sneakums
Fun FIRST. Cultural statements second. -- Thom 'Starky' Stark
I like my brains fried. -- Downer Cow
GIVE UP. YOUR BODY IS DECOMPOSING AS YOU READ THIS MESSAGE. THE PROCESS IS IRREVERSIBLE! -- Tjames Madison
The fear was most excellent, but the loathing could use some improvement. -- Head Freezin' Gene
Mississippi should teach their high school kids not to get in cars piloted by huge, sweaty, satan-worshipping freaks on mescaline. -- Ratsnatcher
The fucking press even can't spell 'OS'. -- Head Freezin' Gene
Who needs brain cells? -- Bakunin
I had a beer at lunch. -- Dick Cheney
I really hate having to explain my jokes. -- Johnnie Royale
Arguing on Pigdog is like the Special Olympics: even if you win, you're still a retard. -- Quaker State Tapioca Rupture
i don't want challenge, i want DEBIAN -- elise
I encourage you to drink wine and examine your motives for being such an aggressive and angry skeptic. -- Ratsnatcher
This is a problem for which a chemical solution exists. -- Johnnie Royale
I get the feeling that the Pentagon is the sort of place where after terrorists attack it, you just push over the corpses who have toppled onto your desk and get back to work. -- Tjames Madison
Real world programming borders on the criminal, which is outside your thought domain. -- Master Squid
You've been smoking too much pot and reading too much RAW, Mr. Hagbard Celine Dion. -- Ratsnatcher
Isn't there a special realtime version of Linux just for robots? -- Ratsnatcher
Thanks for all the hard work you folks are conducting at SMRL. It has enhanced and certainly shortened my life. -- Yehat
I always use the Ed Asner test for my personal beliefs. That is, if I accidentally agree with Ed Asner, I go back and check my math. -- S. Dallas, Esq.
If I get drunk enough I will peel a skin strip from your arm, shoulder-to-wrist with an Oxo brand vegi peeler, and then crumple it up in a ball and wipe my ass with it. -- Snatcher
Oh man, I think I drank some of that with Dr. Biggles many, many years ago when he had more internal organs. -- Ratsnatcher
I have enough hard alcohol in the house right now to get 5th SS Panzer Division tanked or the entire Senate (including those young cute female pages that Strom and Kennedy like) ripped. But I guess I can always use some more. -- Johnnie Royale
I think I've learned everything I know worth knowing from "Quincy." -- Mr. Bad
i just threw all my schitzo medication in the garbage where it belongs. -- rotten elf
In another way, it's really cool. I don't know what that other way is, except it involves being really drunk. -- Mr. Bad
Beer drinking don't do half the harm of love making. -- Pigdog Proverb
And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good.Then God said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much light." -- Unknown
I disappear in a puff of logic! -- Doctor Murdock
You know, these beers are only the beginning... -- El Snatcher
Which is worse, a garden-variety moron or a zealot? -- Johnnie Royale
Coherence is for pussies! -- Patient Joab
Psychedelics are almost irrelevant in a town where you can wander into a casino any time of the day or night and witness the crucifiction of a gorilla... -- HST
I hate the Man just about as much as he hates me. -- Johnnie Royale
You are wrong, mister arrogant big dumbass theory guy. -- X
Living on beer, American Spirits and Sobe. -- Mr. Bad
sodium pentothol is yummy -- Sylvia
Is the tech economy down because we're all fucking around on the Internet during work hours, or are we fucking around on the Internet during work hours because the tech economy is down? This is one of those chicken/egg questions that keeps me up at night. -- Master Squid
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. -- Homer Simpson
You obviously never tried to fuck a primate who hasn't seen his glass pipe in a while. -- 'gene
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. -- W.C. Fields
Pigdog Journal: The Weapons Grade Handbook for Bad People of the Future -- The Compulsive Splicer
The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer -- Some drunk Egyptian 2200 B.C.
Is that my blood? -- P a u l
Anyone who doesn't walk lockstep arm-in-arm with YOUR way of loving your government, you label as some sort of NATO spy. -- Tjames Madison
The ricochet from a Mountie shooting himself in the foot can be devastating you know. -- Lenny Tuberose
Something. YOU KNOW I HAVE A POINT YOU BASTARD!!!@!+++ATH+++NO CARRIER -- Mr. Bad
There are half-eaten animals lying on the sidewalks! -- Head Freezin' Gene
if you post one more fucking "airliner-shot-down-by-missle" story, I'll tie you up in a device like Paul Snider tied Dorothy Stratten into, grease you up, and personally wheel you into the Lone Star on a beer bust night. -- Flesh
Wow! Cool. You're writing from the future. Is there still beer? -- Miss Conduct
I should just stay drunk all the time. -- Johnnie Royale
i may outwardly seem like an antiquated mushball, but actually i have superpowers that allow me to control heartstrings and electrical cicuitousness. -- rotten elf
When 900 years drunk you be... look this good you will not. -- Johnnie "Yoda" Royale
I got Unix in my kitchen, bay-bee! WHOO HOO! -- Arkuat
He had a very sort of, a strangely very attractive sort of pungent sort of gamey, sort of a venison or a lamb sausage... and a little bit of rosemary with a touch of ranch dressing. -- James Spader, discussing the aroma of William Shatner
What do you drink, those little things called "pints"? -- Master Squid
We're not doing our job if we're just pissing off Canadians. -- Mr. Bad
No one wants to eat after the faeries have slobbered all over the cookies. I do not avoid faeries, Mandrake, but I do deny them my vital essence. -- The Compulsive Splicer
Kansas City scares me. -- mediavore
"Fritos." "Cheetos." "Doritos." Can't you SEE?!? Wake UP, America! -- Mr. Bad
Hey baby, wanna take a ride in... um... your own car? -- The Compulsive Splicer
I corrupted their offspring with various hallicinogenic drugs and cheap rum. -- Flesh
Fuck you-all. There are no innocent bystanders. -- Crackmonkey
A person not on a speed bender will have enough common sense to avoid using dynamite in disputes over neighborhood lighting issues. -- Johnnie Royale
Yorgo the barman had a friend drive us to Zeitgeist where there was THE TAMALE LADY and I had tamales and chocolate and Guinness and rum and YOU ALL MISSED OUT ON THE GREATEST FUCKING NIGHT IN SAN FRANCISCO EVER AND I LAUGH AT ALL YOUR MISFORTUNES! That is, until tomorrow morning, at which point I will likely be in heavy Regret Mode. -- Crackmonkey
If your faith allows you to believe that Donald Trump is a God-fearing Christian and Barack Obama wasn't, your faith is white supremacy. -- Keith Boykin
Gentle Reader, The Word will leap on you with leopard man iron claws, it will cut off fingers and toes like an opportunist land crab, it will coil round your thighs like a bushmaster and inject a shot glass of rancid ectoplasm. -- WSB
To me, Pigdog is all about Universal Love, and how it frequently requires semiautomatic weapons and very, very large guard dogs. -- Jeff Gerstmann
It is to sigh. -- P a u l
A doctor friend told me that in twenty years he never saw a vegetarian patient with disease, only trauma (gunshot wounds, for example). -- Trevor "Fuckhead" Johnson
there's a way to govern with reduced emissions of sucky tyranny... -- Juggler Vain
i should probably reiterate that this whole thing is probably a delusion. if it continues in my head i may write a spy novel. -- Sylvia
To the civilized nations of the world, America is the bully that eveyone wants on their team when choosing for a game of football, but no one wants their sister to marry. -- Lenny Shirose
Gazillionaires don't worry about peons. -- Johnnie Royale
...she asked me point blank if I considered myself a Buddhist or a Christian. I said I was bisectual. -- Splicer
That’s not an ape, it’s Ron Jeremy. -- Master Squid
Old punks don't die-- they just get really really annoying -- Negative Nancy
Of what need is comedy if there is beer? -- Head Freezin' Gene
We don't set the bar very high on Pigdog as it tends to exclude the short people from getting drinks. -- Johnnie Royale
There is no beer in space. That really pisses me off. -- Johnnie Royale
Mutations are the engine of evolution. -- Mr. Bad
We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. -- HST
The wind can blow me. -- Miss Conduct
If there's one thing Christianity is all about, it's sexy names. -- Crackmonkey
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it. -- Groucho Marx
Most of the time "ugly" is a state of mind. To surpass that state of mind, you have to encourage the ugly person to reach beyond their ugliness - this is what the liquor is for. If that doesn't work, you'll need to look very hard for the inner beauty of the ugly person - this is what the paper bag is for. -- MLP
With respect to the no-dancing prohibitions, I strongly recommend that you see the documentary film "Footloose." -- Mr. Bad
[Pigdog] is bigger than you. There is no "I" in "TEAM", just as there is no "YOU" in Pigdog. -- Master Squid
I've been on the Atkins diet for nearly a year now and I'm regular as a clock. -- Thom Stark
Can I rub my kooch on your head? -- Liquor Pig's Las Vegas Stripper
Some of us taste liquid death and like it. -- Liquor Pig
I love America so much that I want to fuck it. -- Miss Conduct
We'll all be a lot happier once you acquire a clue. -- Thom 'Starky' Stark
Too bad they don't let you wander around a museum with a big cup of beer and a foot long hotdog like you can at the ballpark. -- Johnnie Royale
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. -- Kaiser Wilhelm
YOU SHOULD TRY THE NEW DRUGS! -- rotten elf
if EVERYONE were insane, i might have more fun. -- rotten elf
I am not a speed freak, godamnit! -- Pao-Tzu
... when the space-aliens find our crap in space, and see that it's full of Forth, they won't be messing with us... 'cause they'll recognise a bad-ass os when they see one. -- Juggler Vain
Tanks don't kill terrorists. They don't really discriminate. -- Ragboy
Three words: LITERALIST FUCKHEAD DONUTS. You've been eating too many and you have literalist fuckhead jelly all over your literalist fuckhead face. -- Mr. Bad
You're a no-goodnik, and you've always been a no-goodnik, Lenny Shirose. -- Frankenstein Jones
We like boobies -- Johnnie Royale
But you are a fucking idiot. -- Reficul
Lynx is still cool, especially at work -- Bakunin
Calling Pigdog a "Weblog" is like calling Charlie Manson a folk singer. -- Patient Joab
Do you really think this is a WISE thing for you to be doing? -- enigma
I am against R. U. Sirius. Did I say that already? Down with R. U. Sirius. -- El Snatcher
The Weird get isolated and destroyed by white blood cells in the Disney bloodstream pretty quick. -- Mr. Bad
The joke's on you! I *have* no head! -- Sneakums
Last night I had a bottle of sake, a pint of Guinness, a martini, and a glass of wine. And this morning I feel fine! Sometimes the hangover gods just give you a free pass. -- Siduri
What? Now I need a REASON to yell at people? -- Tjames Madison
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. -- William Butler Yeats
When I thought something was cool, you suggested that I hook my testicles up to electricity. -- Uncle Pedro
Beer is the best part of using a computer. -- Mr. Bad
Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth? I doubt it, but I still keep trying. -- Head Freezin' Gene
Oh wow! Hooray! -- Siduri
Zach is happy and Zach doesn't worry about Alabama schoolgirls. That is because Zach has a secret - he drinks a lot and never leaves the house. -- Johnnie Royale
For those of you who don't think you are bad, all I can say is: you're bad. -- Ratsnatcher
Okay, I'm a humble coding monkey who wants to grow jungles in the Virgo Cluster. So sue me. -- Arkuat
We'd only have the wake cause we are always looking for an excuse to drink. -- Johnnie Royale
We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it. -- Bill Hicks
I pretty much like anything that has a penis. -- Miss Conduct
No amount of lubricant can help bad cradit up the ass -- h.r.taffs
You're a mouth-breathing windows user. -- Gank
The Library of Short Russian Novels is the smallest library ever. -- Master Squid
I guess my main point is: less lectures, more riots. -- Mr. Bad
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs I see through you. -- Bill Hicks
I realized at some point that I would have to give up either drinking or driving. It was a very easy decision to make. The next day somebody offered me 1000 dollars for my car. I spent it on food and drinks. -- Ocha Ha
There are physical limits to depravity. -- Head Freezin' Gene
Rule 1: The world is not fair.
Rule 2: The world does not care. -- Negative Nancy
I've learned not to argue with Science, especially when it has two fists up my ass. -- Siduri
I'll get drunk and see if the error can be replicated. -- ICBINJ
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. -- August Strindberg
I don't really think I would enjoy puking up raw tuna -- I'm just exaggerting for comic effect. -- Daisy
I take my hillbilly hat off to you. -- Ratsnatcher
A reasonable doubt for a reasonable fee -- Dr. Gonzo
He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving `normally. -- HST
THE INTERNET IS A CURSE!!!!!!!!! wrought down upon my head like a plague of locusts. -- The Compulsive Splicer
I don't let ASS CANCER keep me from seeing a good gig. -- El Snatcher
I need a smoke -- Juggler Vain
If I see a van full of clowns driving down the Five that morning, I'm running them off the road. -- Flesh
I believe the most current term is "suspect." -- Mr. Bad
when you are insane your mechanism for being able to tell when you are insane is impaired. -- Sylvia
I am not Leonard Nimoy -- Spock
Your web site is a disgrace to all mankind. -- Allison (from Canadia)
Taking powerful narcotics is very bad for your typing. -- Thom Stark
Real men read directly from the mail spool with cat. -- Ratsnatcher
What a fucking night. No more tequila. Ever. -- Paul
I live in a tiny, mysterious third-world country that is very far away and filled with meat golems. It is called 'Colorado'. -- Tjames Madison
Real happiness, in politics, is a wide-open hammer shot on some poor bastard who knows he's been trapped, but can't flee. -- HST
consensus is impossible among thinking people. -- Sylvia
Grad students are the burger flippers of science. -- Johnnie Royale
Last time a girl flirted with me like that on IRC, I ended up in Chicago. -- Johnnie Royale
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. -- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway
I'm gonna use this Model M until it drives all my coworkers INSANE. -- Mr. Bad
I am completely drunk ... Surprise, Surprise, Surprise... -- Johnnie Royale
This is becoming depressingly much like trying to explain sex to a eunuch.. -- Thom 'Starky' Stark
Klebold was a patsy. -- Miles Standish
Let's stop using money and go explore space together. -- S. Dallas, Esq.
Bourbon contains phytoestrogens. You will grow big hooters if you keep drinking it. -- Trevor
I only need 4GB to list all of my faults. Tho' I have to use tiny fonts to fit it all in. -- Johnnie Royale
Fast ants are carrying the packets. -- Yosemite Sam
Hope is not a method -- Splicer's High School Sex Ed Teacher
Seeing your baby's face each morning would only be a cruel reminder of the nice person you used to be. -- Mr. Bad
You big dumb dogshit eating hillbilly! -- Ratsnatcher
Tell me some more truisms, I need the sleep. -- Master Squid
Vodka recipes and bragging about german X do not bad people make. -- Winter Mute
Killfiles are lame. They're like bestiality, man -- if you absolutely must indulge, for God's sake, don't make a big fucking public deal about it. -- Mr. Bad
This I can promise you: bearded women lying on their backs and pulling their anuses open is as low as I go. -- Mr. Bad
I'm attacking you because it's FUN, dumbshit! -- Tjames Madison
Cunts are right up there with World Peace and 4.5 cubic liter normally aspirated V8 stockblock engines in my book. -- Tjames
I like throwing stones in glass houses. -- Johnnie Royale
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -- Rita Rudner
hhahaha! That made me spill beer on my keyboard. -- Ratsnatcher
The problem: El Nino, of course. -- Ratsnatcher
we are being too nice. i miss nastiness and perversion. -- rotten elf
Now I not only have no point, I have no answer. -- S. Dallas, Esq.
You're going to turn the [mailing] list into a three-day ignorance swap meet on tax policy. I think I'll head out of town for the weekend. -- S. Dallas, Esq.
Bad people of the Future don't go to bed, they pass out. -- Johnny Royale
Journalists are only interested in buffets and vacations, which is not a bad ideal, really, but doesn't make them any more qualified to put stuff before the public record than you or I. -- Tjames Madison
Football is like fishing. Drinking by another name. -- P a u l
i'd rather be in a straightjacket than have to take this shit. -- rotten elf
dude. OpenBSD r00lZ. -- Arkuat
The first mistake of Art is to assume that it's serious. -- Lester Bangs
Travel maddens the broads. -- Mr. Bad
I DON'T. Buy the tomatoes with. The stems. On them. They don't. Degrade. They go. Down the sink. And into the WATER. Then. They get lodged in the throats of little. OTTERS. -- Christopher Walken
You big dumb dogshit-eating extropian! -- Ratsnatcher
Manic Depression is so 1995, man. -- Tjames Madison
I like to watch things rot. -- Tjames Madison
Who knew I could write something longer than a smug one liner. -- Donkey Hotey
Religion is worse than TV. -- Johnnie Royale
Nobody runs any real applications anyway. The whole purpose of personal computing is to tinker with shit. Everybody else (who isn't tinkering) is only using their Pentium Professionals as glorified typewriters. Applications, ha ha ha. -- Ratsnatcher
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober. -- William Butler Yeats
I stand by my misinformed assumptions. -- Mr. Bad
Personally I think it is a shitty suggestion... and since this is America... I don't have to justify my reasons. -- Johnnie Royale
Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat. -- Bullwinkle Moose
I know it's terribly outre to imply that the constitution and its amendments might actually mean what they say. I apologize. I'm just a simple man. -- P A U L
Do you ever just punch domain names into Netscape and hope something comes up? -- Mr. Bad
Your persona is the crime, and your life appears to be the punishment. -- Lionheart
Identity is what Pigdog slaps on you with a white-hot branding iron -- Flesh
Give me more anarchy clowns. -- Tjames Madison
They wouldn't be heroes if they were infallible, in fact they wouldn't be heroes if they weren't miserable wretched dogs, the pariahs of the earth, besides which the only reason to build up an idol is to tear it down again. -- Lester Bangs
Aargh! It makes me want to crack skulls! -- Daisy
Never trust a German to give you advice on what operating system you should use. Just remember what operating system they tried to get the world to use last time. -- Flesh
Don't take any guff from these swine! -- HST
The 9/16 wrench: simple in form, near universal in function, and missingfrom every goddamn toolbox I've ever owned, borrowed or stolen. -- gomonk
GIVE to Radiskull! -- Radiskull
Freaks also need to be divided into two categories, the really scary freaks and the just sorta cute & cuddly freaks. -- Lisa Scovel
I know all about riding unicycles, as I went to circus school. -- Ratsnatcher
oh God there are huge bats flying around in here... -- Ratsnatcher
The sun is my enemy. It must be extinguished. -- Flesh
Well, sorry. I guess we can't ALL be super cool Russian forth hacker/extropian/pretend scientists like you. -- Ratsnatcher
i thought maybe i should clearly state that i was kidding about the clones. -- Sylvia
I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our moneyed corporations, which dare already to challenge our government to a trial of strength and bid defiance to the laws of the country. -- Thomas Jefferson, 1814
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. -- Humphrey Bogart
The gift of life is sticky -- Negative Nancy
I've been working on my resume for 10 solid years, but when it gets done, it will be exquisite. -- Ratsnatcher
My Finn side usually wins any arguments concerning alcohol. -- Johnnie Royale
Learn to love the wanker that is you, and perhaps one day you'll achieve true enlightnment and people will invite you to parties and such. -- Tjames Madison
I'd rather shake it with a shoggoth. -- Kat
I am not Spock. -- Leonard Nimoy
As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so. -- Dr. Gonzo
How the fuck did PBS swing a deal with Marvel to get fucking *SpiderMan* on a hippy freak commie show like The Electric Company? -- Mr. Bad
I'm a Fundamentalist Agnostic; I don't know whether God exists or not AND NEITHER DO YOU. -- ICBINJ
I woke up at 9:00 PM yesterday, so I'm going to save my bottles of stout for this afternoon when I watch Columbo. I'm really into Columbo now. -- Ratsnatcher
Pigdog knows how lonesome the heart gits. -- Patient Joab
We should start a petition demanding that Donald Trump’s official portrait be painted by Ralph Steadman. -- The Compulsive Splicer
I'm opting out for no particular reason than to just be difficult. -- Johnnie Royale
Kids! Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your home. -- Neil Gaiman
Scientists that live in glass labs, surrounded by fragile beakers of highly toxic materials, shouldn't throw frozen heads. -- Johnnie Royale
Both porn and Mars seems to get you guys all hot and bothered. -- Johnnie Royale
I am all like Rasputin and shit. They call me the Ogre Juggernaut... -- Tjames Madison
'Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul'? Deal! -- Miles Standish
You kids have no idea what it was like watching porn on eight-millimetre film... !without a projector. -- Juggler Vain
Never tell me what you hate. -- Johnnie Royale
Our Man Zach: genial, Guinness-swilling Schweinhund since ere pig met dog -- Thom 'Starky' Stark
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Henny Youngman
Who needs a soul when you've got American Express? -- Baron Earl
All the cool kids play D&D. Don't they? -- Siduri
Too bad they don't have an anti-psychosis keyboard. I figure, once my wrists start talking to me, it's time to retire. -- Mr. Bad
the only good question is a rhetorical question -- Juggler Vain
It seems I've fallen into a pit of booze and can't get up -- Johnnie Royale
When The Going Gets Weird, The Weird Turn Pro -- HST
Unemployment check came. Break out the Velveeta! -- Tjames Madison
Does this mean you're gonna want your porno collection back? -- Johnnie Royale
As your attorney... I advise you to get drunk. As a drunk... I advise to go for it. -- Johnnie Royale
Cunts are a Good Thing. -- Head-freezin' Gene
Who's the leader of the pig that's made for dog and me? -- Tjames Madison
Evil is cool. -- Miss Conduct
Behind every pathetic worthless loser of a man is a woman who figured his sorry ass out and stabbed him in the back. -- The Compulsive Splicer
Not even a vulcan can know the unknown. -- Spock
Just to recap: Hacking mainframes => Good. Hacking children's heads off => Bad. -- Negative Nancy
"It's for the children" has now been supplanted by "we're at war against terrorism." -- The Compulsive Splicer
If only Jake Busey knew how much we appreciated his art, I'm sure he'd drop everything and join us. -- Johnnie Royale
SMS is great if you have nothing to say and like to pay ten cents a message for the privilege of doing so. -- Sean Neakums
Electricity is the invisible glue that holds techno music together. -- El Snatcher
I think that they should teach drinking in junior high and stop making it a college level course. -- Johnnie Royale
OFF THE PIGS -- HST
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. -- Benjamin Franklin
I've got some bad news for non-smokers: Non-smokers die every day. -- Bill Hicks
Fuq, okay, so I'm writing this little report while pretty goddamn drunk off of all teh shit that we drank tonight. -- Crackmonkey
Any magazine without double penetration is a waste of time. -- Mr. Bad
We commit more sacrilege before breakfast than most people do all day. -- Mr. Bad
I've got a bottle of Swathmore Vinyards Merlot from South Africa sitting here that I could open right now. But I'm saving it, see. That's how much control I have. -- Ratsnatcher
The only way to stop having corrupt politicians is to stop voting for them. -- Johnnie Royale
This is a very efficient way to tell your liver "fuck you! I don't fucking like you!" To tell the truth, I'm afraid to stand up. I'm mildly buzzed, but judging by the level of whiskey in the jar when I stand up I am going to be sitting right back down again. -- H.R. Taffs
I don't have any interest in Texas Tower since I'm not on a killing rampage. -- Mr. Bad
Squirrels are responsible for that. -- Donkey Hotey
Maybe it's the Geekhive Effect. -- Kakao Chouva
Thanks for the free diagnoses, but I prefer my doctors to have more than two brain cells to rub to together. Some minimum education beyond grade school would be nice too. -- Ratsnatcher
If Microsoft products drag korporate Amerika into the sewer, so much the better. -- Arkuat
I hate Feinstein, okay? And I don't vote with my cunt. -- Siduri
You are hereby absolved of the curse, my son. Go ye and fornicate freely. -- That One
Goddamn Fox News online is impossible to read through all the ads. They are fucking their own readers SO HARD. -- Master Squid
Isn't a Germanic Extropian childern's book an oxymoron? Just saying. -- Johnnie Royale
Yippity-fuck, let's get stinkers. -- Mr. Bad
Wasting somebody else's time strikes me as the height of rudeness. -- Bill Gates
Always do sober what you promised you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -- Ernest Hemmingway
If you space out your little rants a bit more, you'd probably get bigger laughs. -- Crackmonkey
Guess what I brought back from Europe: _GRAPE_ flavored Mentos! They're crazy! -- ICBINJ
God bless the drunks and the children, and the United States of America. -- Mark Twain
If you find yourself smoking through a hole in your neck, it's time to quit. -- Bill Hicks
Scotch - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine. -- Unknown
I must be getting old, because I don't think I could handle the masses of middle America thronging about me on anything but a nominal dose. -- Bakunin
Fuck vision. -- Head Freezin' Gene
I know better, because I'm American, and I pledge upon the altar of Spock eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. -- Tjames Madison
Don't ever accuse me of been sensible. EVER. -- Johnnie Royale
At its best New Wave/punk represents a fundamental and age-old Utopian dream: that if you give people the license to be as outrageous as they want in absolutely any fashion they can dream up, they'll be creative about it, and do something good besides. -- Lester Bangs
We need to do something monstrous before we die. -- HST
Isn't there something somebody could be bickering about right now? -- Tjames Madison
well, even the fringe needs a fringe -- rotten elf
Cuomo has gone down, just like he wanted his interns to. -- The Compulsive Splicer
Speaking of fuckheads, what happened to Trevor Johnson? -- Arkuat
I like my brains mushy, not crisp, with a liberal helping of gravy over it. -- Head Freezin' Gene
Everything wants to be Free. -- Ragboy
Oh crappity-crap. I spend all that time filling in all the questions, and now I guess they sent my report off to the fake email address I entered on the first page. -- P A U L
Guinness, deep thick nutrient soup of the soul. -- Mr. Bad
I'll do my best! Don't expect too much! -- Paul Vortex
Where are the myths? Who's writing the new epics? Where's the adventure? -- Enigma
Snort the dried blood of Keith Richards! -- Binky
I need some screwtop wine and an Algerian whore. -- Mr. Bad
I suggest you get very very drunk. -- Johnnie Royale
Look outside, there are freshly slaughtered pigs bleeding in the snow, just like always. -- Enigma
One man said it was getting towards the long days and the short nights now. T'other one said THIS warn't one of the short ones, he reckoned. And then they laughed, and he said it over again, and they laughed again... -- Mark Twain
There must be better things I can spend my time doing...like rampantly masturbating or something. -- Paul Vortex
Lithium and Depakote and Neurontin work better. But I'll admit, drinking is more fun. -- Joe
I really should drink more, but I just don't have the energy... -- Johnnie Royale
The laughable extreme confirms the rule. -- Mr. Bad
Why is American beer served cold? So you can distinguish it from urine. -- David Moulton
It's not Gonzo journalism until you're eating rubber tires to the tune of "Flight of the Bumblebees." -- Miles Standish
There is nothing quite like cutting a hole in a dead quail and fucking it. -- Benjamin Franklin
You're so pretty, they should put your head in a box. -- Johnnie Royale
The chance that anyone has a bomb on a plane is very, very small. The chance that TWO people are carrying bombs is infinitessimally small. That's why I always carry a bomb with me when I fly. It improves my odds of surviving the flight without getting blown to bits. -- enigma
If you think fertilized eggs are people but refugee kids aren't, you're going to have to stop pretending your concerns are religious. -- LOLGOP
The TV business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. -- HST
A cow is about as close to a plant as you can get for a mammal. -- Master Squid
I don't translate well into meat-space. -- Negative Nancy
All great quotes should end with 'my ass' -- Bubba Barnett
On two concert I'm should've collective photo, but such small fat bald-headed technologist be insane. -- Boris, as quoted by Henry Rollins
I stand behind my irresponsible journalism! -- Mr. Bad
Suck Satan's cock. Put that big scaly pecker down your gullet. Drink that black worm jism. Drink it! Fill your little bellies. -- Bill Hicks
I quit drinking, and then I lost my car, and my house, my girlfriend and my job and my self respect. Now I'm homeless, unemployed, riding public transpo, broke, unloved and suicidally depressed, but you know what? today I don't have to drink. -- Splicer
Enzymes! -- Binky
The future of e-zines may be in ratbag ventures such as Pigdog Journal. -- Richard Poe (Canadian)
if there's a blind monk somewhere going around saying he was ordered to teach Pol Pot's concubine how to love, i know him. -- rotten elf
I'd like to see a play about Trotsky, Einstein and Magic Johnson, and they use a time machine to fight crime throughout history. -- Tjames Madison
I have no body hair, three nipples and a short tail. Is this going to hurt me in the swimsuit event? -- Lenny the Nice
Did you know I did a google search the other day for 'alcoholic programmers' and nothing came back??? Who are they trying to kid? -- Mr. Bad
Some of us figured out in the 1950s that blacklists were a bad idea. Some of us have that lesson still ahead of us. -- John Gilmore
Oops. Up too late. Sarcastic . . . grumpy . . . Must find brain and eat it . . -- Downer Cow
Better seek treatment before you start imagining that Marilyn Monroe is your mom. -- Master Squid
She looks really unhappy. Maybe she should be on Pigdog. -- Johnnie Royale
Flesh takes pictures (as do we all) with his mind. Somes folks' albums make tedious company, but his...make me hungry for pizza. -- Juggler Vain
Your ideas about the Immaculate Conception are as wrong as your ideas about gun control. -- X
I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. -- HST
I think God would have written the universe in a higher level language than Assembler. -- Johnnie Royale
he [Pol Pot] told everyone i was being treated well becuase he would have his chefs prepare special exotic dishes, BUT THERE WAS NO WATER IN THEM. -- rotten elf
Don’t you just hate it, when you mean to take a sleeping pill, and you drop acid instead? -- Flesh
i like the bears. they are pretty. i fed them licorice jelly-beans. -- rotten elf
Meg said I could kiss her ankle if I crawled all the way across the floor on the knuckles of my toes. And I did. -- Doctor Murdock
You'll never catch me wearing a shirt that says "COKE" or "NIKE" in 400pt point across my chest unless I am changing the oil in my car. -- Johnnie Royale
THIS seems nuts to me. -- rotten elf
Of course people in AA have a place with Pigdog. They’re our perma-designated drivers! -- Flesh
I'm worse than a faggot! I'm half a faggot! -- Reverend Cybersatan
Your meat is negative meat, not good meat. -- Doctor Murdock
I am geeked, hear my freaked. -- Sween
Slackers can change this country -- Michael Moore
I'm on speed now. It's nice. -- Head-Freezin' Gene
When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do. Kick over the table. -- Dean Martin
Somewhere people are plotting against you and I am probably among them. -- Doctor Murdock
Goddamn swamp dwelling, WebTV-using, OS/2 licking, dogshit gobbling hillbilly motherfucker!! -- Ratsnatcher
Mississippi children need to be learning blues guitar not fractions. -- S. Dallas, Esq.
I am become GAR, destroyer of worlds! -- Baron Earl
Anyone who capitalizes Punk Rock or Artist, even inside the privacy of their own brain, should be fucking shot. -- The Compulsive Splicer
Only punks beat women and kick their dogs -- HST
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? -- Tee Mans
Spock would use Linux. -- Johnnie Royale
You can turn your back on a person, but, never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye. -- HST
I thought about buying a Miata once. Actually, two Miata's. One for each butt cheek. -- Master Squid
My new favorite radio station for tonight is Energy 103.4 in Berlin. -- Ratsnatcher
Maximum strength opiates barely dull the buzzsaw katzenjammering in my head... -- Ratsnatcher
Pigdog is dead. Long live Pigdog. -- P A U L
isn't there a zen sect that considers immersing oneself in sensual pleasures to be a path to nirvana ? -- rotten elf
i am actually worried that somehow i've accidentally had test-tube babies with people i am possibly genetically RELATED to. hypothetically, would this be a problem? -- rotten elf
Don't eat the Yak soup - it's not really Yak. -- Johnnie Royale
You let yourself get sober. Rookie move. -- Johnnie Royale
All Bad People of the Future had shitty lives as Miserable People of the Past. -- Johnnie Royale
The latest craze sweeping my apartment is two-fisted coffee and beer drinking. I call it "Boffeer". -- Mr. Bad
No, you don't understand, Michael. I *do* always have to be an ass. It's all I have left. -- Tjames Madison
Any kid that isn't smart enough to disable Cybersitter doesn't deserve to get porn. -- enigma
I never thought Freedom was cheap -- Ralph "Sonny" Barger
My favorite Star Track is the one where Bilbo killed the Klingons with his magic sword. -- Mr. Bad
What have you done for us lately? Face it Chachi, you're a one ladder wonder and you're as stale as a two week old cod fish. -- Johnnie Royale
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. -- Frank Zappa
The US national anthem started out as a song about getting drunk and fucking. -- Gustafson
I'm not a pyro. I don't like to watch things burn. I like to watch them explode. -- Baron Earl
I don't waste much time trying to tell one monkey from another. -- enigma
Situationist. Heh heh heh heh heh. Damn, doesn't the _idea_ of being a "Situationist" just crack you up? -- Mr. Bad
I luv Barcelona almost as much as I love beer. -- Negative Nancy
For too long our culture has said, "If it feels good, do it." Now America is embracing a new ethic and a new creed: "Let's roll." Let's roll a big fat joint America, and SMOKE IT. -- President George W. Bush
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by an endless series of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary. -- H.L. Mencken
No one ever wins an argument with the village idiot. -- Flesh
Damn right we live in a dangerous society. Who would want it otherwise? -- enigma
Journalism is fun. There's a lot of drinking involved. -- Baron Earl
The market will solve everything for a given meaning of "solve" . -- The Compulsive Splicer
I demand that a girl has brains before I fuck them out. -- Paul Vortex
I sense an excellent opportunity to get senselessly drunk. -- Head-freezin' Gene
The church is near, but the road is slippery. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully. -- Russian proverb
Anne Coulter is a character of a parody of a comic book villain. There's no Godwin Law on the intertubes for invoking Coulter, but there should be. -- Johnny Royale
Linux means never having to delete your love mail. -- Don Marti
Oh, oh, oh, the despair. Will I ever be kewl in Master Squid's eyes! -- Patient Joab
Sometimes you just have to say, "Let it go..it's Chinatown.." -- Thom 'Starky' Stark
All of the Hansons should be strapped into a Sod-O-Matic. -- Head Freezin' Gene
My grandmother is made out of titanium. -- Binky
Circus Circus is what the world would be doing every Saturday night if the Nazis had won the war. -- HST
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -- Ernest Hemingway
Pol Pot himself was not that bad, all the time. but the other 4 of Pol Pot himself was not that bad, all the time. but the other 4 of him were TOTALLY EVIL. -- rotten elf
XModem is NOT allowed! -- Doctor Murdock
You say that like being an asshole on Pigdog-l is a bad thing. -- Johnnie Royale
All these worlds are yours. Except for Neptune. That one is Arkuat's. -- Head-Freezin' Gene
I wish you were a Pez dispenser so I could eat candy out of your neck. -- Gar's Sister
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. -- Winston Churchill
Van Morrison would have arranged this song much tighter! -- Arkuat
Hot Girl-Girl Action keeps me sober one day at a time. -- The Compulsive Splicer
Esperanto discrimination once again rears its ugly head... -- Benjamin Coates
Can you subpoena the elements? -- Head Freezin' Gene
Isaac Asimov's still dead, right? He would have probably just used an analogy involving Tinker Toys and slices of individually wrapped cheese and I would be perfectly content. -- Tjames Madison
If nothing else, we can always set a bad example. -- Enigma
You don't need to try and get on my bad side, you're already there. -- Johnny Royale
Beer is life, life is beer. -- Johnnie Royale
I never said I was cool. -- Ratsnatcher
There couldn't be a society of people who didn't dream. They'd be dead in two weeks. -- William S. Burroughs
You are about 95% full of shit. -- Bad Ben Franklin
i am now a bitch with a five pound cunt. i am proud. -- rotten elf
Mommy, why does that bad man of the future have a Spock dildo up his butt? -- Ben Franklin
"Let's roll" was the last thing heard over a air-to-ground phone connection, said by one passenger to another, before the passengers attempted to retake the fourth hijacked aircraft on 9-11. Instead of gaining control of the aircraft and thwarting the hijackers, they succeeded in crashing the plane into the ground and killing everyone aboard, including themselves. A fitting motto if there ever was one. -- Baron Earl (referring to George W. Bush's new national motto)
All I ask is that everyone else in the world be as mediocre as me. Is that so wrong? -- Mr. Bad
I want a picture of my ass to travel to a comet and then back to Earth and then get put in a museum. -- Mr. Bad
I have a portfolio of meat pictures. -- Mr. Biggles
You don't have to be on the clog-dancing team to get clogs, folks! -- Mr. Bad
Lawyers don't show up in photographs (or mirrors). Why do you think we have to use artists' renderings of trials? -- S Dallas, Esq
put down the patchouli -- Donkey Hotey
It is weird to feel normal -- Sylvia
Maybe it's the something young inside us all that embraces the ever-enticing brew of hops and fellowship, a nation of glorious crackpots with their booze-fueled dreams -- El Destino
I hate to be a one issue voter, but the first candidate that promises public booze fountains gets my vote. -- Johnnie Royale
Frames don't kill web sites... designers kill web sites. -- Master Squid
Don't condescend to me, frat boy. -- Thom 'Starky' Stark
I'm really pissed at NASA.... I'm also really drunk. -- Johnnie Royale
OLE... yuck. "Hey Jed, this here Word document gots a VIDEO in it!" -- Tjames Madison
I get real mean when I'm sober. -- P A U L
Work's a sucker's game. I'm looking into opportunities in the BANK ROBBERY sector of the economy. -- Mr. Bad
Yeah, that was big news MONTHS AGO. -- Crack Monkey
In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity. -- HST
When I saw George Perry over there drinking sake and playing Connect Four, I thought "Now THERE'S a man who uses a non-standard video driver!" -- Binky
If you don't have political opinions, I will personally break down your door and curbstomp you. -- Miles Standish
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. -- Michelle Mastrolacasa
Don't tell me how to do my research! I'll prattle all I want. -- Bonehead
Spock isn't pretend! Spock is FOR REAL! -- O
Echo chamber gonna echo. -- P a u l
I'm an optimistic realist, not a nihilist. Death is a permanent problem after a temporary solution. -- Mr. Bad
Use the Force Scotty, beam me up! -- Gandalf
I guess that leaves killing Hare Krishnas as the only vice I've got left. Funny, because no one's been on me to kick that habit. -- Bill Hicks
This is the problem with today's generation of computer geeks. Nobody remembers how to go to Radio Shack and buy 500 blinking LEDs for four dollars. -- P A U L
I have a ring of Jesus fire that guides my decisions. -- Chief Elgin
I sense our will to conquer being eaten away. And without that we are nothing. -- Z'nox leader
I know what a cat thinks. A cat thinks, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Shut up and open that can of food." And, "Everything is mine." -- Miss Conduct
Physics is the operating system, Chemistry is the programming language, and Biology is the development environment. -- The Compulsive Splicer
Wine is but a single broth, ale is meat, drink and cloth. -- Pigdog Proverb
I've got a Ph.D., Pimpin' Hos Degree! -- Pimpin' Ken
My bowels are as strong as any man's! I bet yours give out at about 10 Guinnesses. -- Ratsnatcher
I love pornography. One of my biggest fears in life is that I'm gonna die and my parents are going to clean out my apartment and find that porno wing I've been adding onto for years. -- Bill Hicks
TV rots your brain. -- Johnnie Royale
Personally, I wouldn't fly all the way to Dimension Q to save Hawkman's useless ass, but that's just me. -- Mr. Bad
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. -- Unknown
I'm a self-important, ignorant drunk who avoids organized religions like the plague. -- Johnnie Royale
I could walk the half block to work and get crazy speed there, but that involves putting pants on. -- Mediavore
Give me your nipples! -- Doctor Murdock
Beret-wearing, Citroen-driving, tofu-eating, espresso-drinking, electronica-listening, Ass-of-the-Man-kissing, Utne-reading, playa-hating whiteboy FREAK. -- Tjames
It's the fucking Web. Don't expect documentation. -- Mr. Bad
My Sunday bartender has a full beautiful beard and a lovely singing voice, but he's shit for conversation. -- Arkuat
Ah, a sense of peace washes my soul as I stare out the window and watch the retarded gardeners pass before me. -- GodTodd
Fuck, now I'm drinking at work. This can't be any good, oh no. -- Head Freezin' Gene
There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded animal. -- Captain Kirk
When we get to legitimate threats of physical violence... you'll know that we are starting phase two. -- Johnnie Royale
Innocence is for suckers. -- Tina the Troubled Teenager
"Role models." Harharharharhar. -- Tjames Madison
I think we should fucking nuke Canadia. Especially the French part of Canadia. -- Johnnie Royale
Life's too short to go out with RenFaire people. -- Mr. Bad
Your life is at the crossroads of pleasant ennui and sheer terror. -- Mr. Bad
In a nutshell: We love you. Take some drugs. -- H. R. Pufenstuf
Down with the Fucking Man, d00d. -- Johnnie Royale
Please don't hurt me! -- Nick Moffit
I don't care to belong to any social organization which would accept me as a member -- Groucho Marx
Most immortality blueprints are vampiric, directly or covertly... -- WSB
This shit r0xs like socks in a box. -- P a u l
Can't we just admit we're ALL fuckheads with astoundingly stupid opinions from time to time? -- Tjames Madison
I hate the French! Give back our weirdo hillbilly television, you goddamn Frogs! -- Tjames Madison
i am so drunk i think Santa is CUTE. -- rotten elf
The ultimate sin of any performer is contempt for the audience. -- Lester Bangs
My mommy was busy selling pez to gutterpunks on University Way trying to convince them it was crack. -- Gank
I hope some Arch-Angel Waitress in a tight fitting cocktail dress, with a small nose and really big tat tats, smacks you in the head for sucking down those LFPs and not tipping. -- Johnnie Royale
I fucking hate sunrises. -- Negative Nancy
You're just mad because you're up in Washington and have to import wine from a good state, like California. We eat like kings here. -- Ratsnatcher
Just be glad that someone is willing to pay for you to learn how to freeze heads. -- Johnnie Royale
Head-freezin' is my business and business is good. -- Gene
Hold the conference in France: you can drink alcohol publicly, even near a school, you can piss on the street, you can argue with cops, you can teach Darwin's theory of evolution and you can have sex in public places. -- Stephane Bortzmeyer
I'm just going to lay down, drink a couple of shots of Canadian Whiskey and accept the fact that I'm this week's official Pigdog nuclear missile target. -- Flesh
I'm a lot taller than I look. -- Juggler Vain
I hope you had an orgasm, because you just lost your balloon. -- Scott
The OpenBSD client is faster than Rosie O'Donnell going for a donut. -- Ratsnatcher
Everyone knows the DEA has the best Christmas office parties... -- Geoff We@sel
I think if people are obliged to live without the satisfying and soul-enhancing qualities of WORK, they should be given something else in return, like LUXURIOUS SLOTH. -- Mr. Bad
Disneyland is like an airport: a fascist subdomain of the general ecosphere. -- Mr. Bad
It may be just an opinion, but it's mine. -- Miss Conduct
This made me laugh so hard that gin came squirting out of my nose. Oddly enough, I was drinking lemonade at the time. -- doctor obnox son of a bitch
Berkeley is a place where you can be branded a "fascist" for supporting the "wrong" kind of rent control. -- X
You know its people like you who make the middle east mad. -- PDJ Reader "Not an American"
Hey, Tjames, pull my virtual finger. -- Johnnie Royale
After the first glass [of absinthe] you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world. -- Oscar Wilde
Subliminal messages inserted into Muzak may not work, but they've cranked them up at a couple of local stores in my area. I walk in the door and my head starts to buzz and my skin starts to crawl. Then again, maybe that's just my reaction to American consumer culture. -- Baron Earl
I had some creepy sweet pale beer that tasted like shit. I hate that kind of stuff. I wonder why I do that to myself. Maybe it's a self-loathing thing. -- Mr. Bad
The fact that you are arguing with yourself is far more interesting. -- Master Squid
Oh, yeah, ok, that well teach me to read pigdog after several Guinnesses.... Err... ok, so I lied... it won't teach me anything -- Johnnie Royale
You can begin with good smart people and an unbound optimism and in no time at all, everything can disintegrate. Threats and blows can fly; men once tame and meek can bloody the faces of friend and stranger. It's pretty fucking cool. -- Mr. Bad
Nothing exists until or unless it is observed. An artist is making something exist by observing it. And his hope for other people is that they will also make it exist by observing it. I call it "creative observation." Creative viewing. -- William S. Burroughs
Porn dogs sniffin the wind for something violent that they can do -- Underworld
I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plow through this shit one more time. -- Bill Hicks
I applaud the coming apocalypse. -- Mr. Bad
Everything was working fine an hour ago, and I didn't break the Internet, honest. -- Tjames Madison
You're still mad because I nailed you. 'GAR GAR (unprovoked unrelated personal attack) GAR GAR you suck etc.' -- H. R. Pufenstuf
Maybe if you didn't keep the Internet under that leaky sink of yours, we'd be a little better off. -- Mr. Bad
Wow, this is like a tip you get from Martha Stewart... -- Johnnie Royale
I prefer the more politically correct term, "Gun Nut." -- Squid
What? I don't speak your crazy moon language! -- Crackmonkey
I wish I had a chicken here right now so I could pull the head off as an object lesson to his evil little chicken friends. Fuckers. -- Lenny the Nice
But that was pretty cool how Steven Segal faxed for help using his Newton on that hijacked train in "Under Siege 2." You never know when you might need something less conspicous than a laptop. -- Ratsnatcher
My husband has never battered me, but then again, I've never given him a reason to. -- Montana Gov. Judy Martz, Jan. 16, 2001
MARKETS ARE DRIVEN BY EMOTIONS. AND EMOTIONS CAN BE ENGINEERED. -- Commander Zai of etoy
Fuck this town. Fuck the internet. Fuck it all... -- Manny
I saw the sunrise over Tokyo one morning-- it hurt. -- Negative Nancy
Would there be room for people as cynical as us amongst you warm-hearted individuals? -- Lee
Walt Disney was profoundly EVIL. -- Tjames Madison
Work is the curse of the drinking class. -- Oscar Wilde
Your cyborg arms will always be too short to box with God, Gene. -- Tjames
Well boys, I know where the edge is and you ain't on it... you retards you. -- Johnnie Royale
I hate things I can fuck up. -- Negative Nancy
As a writer, I kick your flabby ass to China and back. Your articles are rolling over and BEGGING my articles not to tear through their soft underbellies and slurp up their intestines like so much spaghetti. Your articles call my articles "sir." Your articles pull their dripping assholes WIDE for my articles' slightest pleasure. -- Siduri
The only way to settle this is with a bear-fight cage match. -- Donkey Hotey
Hey, sexy mama: wanna kill all humans? -- Bender
Sauron was just sort of like Moses, except with an attitude and Orcs instead of the Jews. -- Tjames Madison
I don't let cops and judges tell me what I ought to think democracy is. -- Dashiell Hammett
Everybody has to call me "Bluto" from now on. -- Mr. Bad
Unix is meant to be A MONSTROSITY. -- Ratsnatcher
So the founder of Men's Wearhouse, Dennis Peron, and the bassist for The Who walk into a bar. They get a frog and two spiders stoned. And then there is a mandrill. -- Mr. Bad
You're all locked into some big ANTI-FUN ZONE and I will have NO PART OF IT. -- Tjames Madison
I'M AT THE POINT OF SLAUGHTERING A FEW LOCAL TELCO PEOPLE, LIKE THE SOFTBELLIED SLOBBERING CLUELESS PIGS THAT THEY ARE. -- Head Freezin' Gene
Beaujolais, baby! -- Ratsnatcher
I speak five languages. But it doesn't matter, because nobody understands what the hell I'm talking about. -- Charo
I spent about three hours tonight reading the journals of the Donner Party for no real good reason, except to think, "Hey, wouldn't it suck to be in the Donner Party?" -- Tjames Madison
I always get goosebumps when I hear Terrence & Phillip sing "Oh Canadia." -- Vulpes
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. -- Catherine Zandonella
Ordinarily, I'd be happy to piss on you, but then some dog might think I owned you. -- Reverend Cybersatan
"Squeal like a pig." Just saying the line conjures up images of Hillbillies and Ned Beatty's sweaty pink face. It's a powerful image, jammed into the American psyche like a fat Hillbilly cock in a tiny city-dweller's anus. The image will just not go away, no matter how hard you try. -- enigma
Slim-Fast bars are pretty good if you dip them in batter and deep-fry them. -- h.r.taffs
I don't create the legend... merely report it. -- Spock
Fuck yeah. Tell it like it is. -- LiquorPig
Bill Gates is such an idiot he had initials burned into my ass. -- rotten elf
To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support Group -- Unknown
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers [when what I really want is absinthe and lots of sex]." -- Pablo Picasso
We must pioneer the next step after telecommuting: TELEBARHOPPING. -- The Compulsive Splicer
Bad things happen when you drop a four pack of Guinness on the ground when you are trying to remove it from the car. -- Johnnie Royale
Perfectly legal explosions are just NO FUN. -- Master Squid
I suspect you're being purposefully dense in order to make some sort of obscure point. -- enigma
I'm not smug. I just have a list of people I want to see dead. -- Head-freezin' Gene
People are waiting in line just to kill your dog. -- Doctor Murdock
Use your words people. Use your words, cause they're all you have. -- Miss Conduct
when i was froo-froo in the noggin, i used to hear from people in Nirvananet and i thought they were dead and i was talking with ghosts or angels. i just read about nirvananet on the web and it all seems quite different. -- Sylvia
Sid gets 10 points for accuracy and 10 for style. But I bet the French judge only gives her 8. -- Lenny from Canadia
God damn it, this is Pigdog... proud home of Literalist Fuckhead Pills - (now made with Angst BTW) - so we take everything very seriously and without humor - you shithead you. Now go away. -- Johnnie Royale
I'm going to Ibiza to cook up some Evil. What are you doing? -- Baron Earl
What is it with you Americans and your sodomy? -- Evil Swiss Steve
[My vote] is not wasted. I am standing up and saying you can NOT deceive me. Perhaps others will notice and join me. -- Johnnie Royale
EVERYTHING IS BETTER IN THE ASS. Cocaine, wine, coffee, nitrous (supposedly quite dangerous), sushi, "Little Mermaid" DVDs, cat food, Forth: EVERYTHING is better if you put it in your ass. Everything! -- The Mighty Silverback
Rich powerful people, famous people, spies, political people, ALL have "clones". (Royals do not, except for Hirohito, but his was really obvious.) -- rotten elf
Blech, secession is such a treasonous act. -- Master Squid
BLACK mustard seeds. little jar. oof. -- rotten elf
T O P S T O R I E S
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
Health and Human Services officials spend a year on pot
After a yearlong, comprehensive, thorough, complete investigation into the effects of marijuana usage, Health and Human Services (HHS) officials recommended that it be moved from Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act to Schedule III, meaning that the HHS no longer considers cannabis to be a drug with high abuse potential and no medical value. (More...)
If you've ever wondered what actual bullshit looks like, just check the back side of Lee Meyers' decommissioned police cruiser. Lee chopped the top of the passenger side of the car off so he could take his full-grown Watusi bull, named Howdy Doody, for joy rides around his home town of Neligh, Nebraska. Since the car doesn't have bathroom facilities Howdy Doody just craps all over the back and side of the car whenever he feels the need to let one go. (More...)
Self-righteous assholes block highway to Burning Man
A group of self-righteous assholes converted exactly zero people to their cause by blocking the highway to Burning Man this week. The group, which used a flimsy trailer, some lengths of chain, and a few folding chairs to block the road, put up signs including "Burners of the World Unite," but none of the burners stopped in traffic wanted to unite with them for anything. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
A Treatise Prepared for the Gallup Organization on the Symbolism of the Scarab
Well dahlings, the response to my new tarot column has been quite overwhelming. I got three whole pieces of mail requesting my arcane insight. One asked why blogs suck so much, and one was a completely incomprehensible tale of bears shitting random numbers in the woods — I am fairly certain it was a cryptographic allegory. Howsomever, only ONE of the inquiries was accompanied by a crisp ten-dollar bill, and so it's the Gallup Organization that will this week reap the benefit of my wicked pack of cards. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
You need to make a fruity tropical drink and you have no recipe? Here's a mix recently tested by Pigdog's crack bevertology team that's made with ingredients available from most any grocery store. It tastes sweet, fruity, and is perfect for guzzling on the last hot days of summer. (More...)