Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested,
mother-approved!
The magic of this spocktail is that repeated use leaves you in a state of
STINKING DRUNKITUDE that you are physically incapable of sleeping off. The
delicious spliciness of the ginger beer combines with the herbal blechiness of
the smart drugs to ward off the faint of heart from this robust and adventurous
spocktail.
The name originates in the fact that the ginger beer brand sounds an awful lot
like "Cock and Balls" to folks who like to snigger about that kind of thing.
PLUS! the near-hallucinatory effect is reminiscent of a 2-ton wrecking ball
arcing at high speed through the mossy brick wall of your brain. PLUS! I like to
name things after Spock.
I first had a Spock's Balls with Flesh and Johnny Royale at a warehouse party in
San Pedro in 1994. We were hunkered down in the foreman's tiny office up on the
catwalk, trying to get the hell out. In an irrational fit of pique, Johnny had
used a gigantic portable hand drill on a Barracuda belonging to some Samoans
that had cut us off in the parking lot. I was worried somewhat about the obese,
flower-shirted Polynesians lumbering about like postmodern Gypsy bears in the
flashing lights below, Xed out of their woolly gourds. They didn't seem to know
yet about the violation of their machine, but they were still evincing
aggressive behavior, such as ramming their heads through the corrugated aluminum
walls of the warehouse. I was nervous.
Flesh mixed up 2 rounds of Spock's Balls while we tried to think. Johnny pointed
out that we could climb up one more level of catwalks and leave through a
skylight in the roof. Spock's Balls lower your inhibitions for such reckless
schemes, but the drink also inhibits your gross motor capacity for executing
them. I still have a really bad limp from the fall, and only two toes on my left
foot. A Samoan drove me cheerfully to the hospital in his maimed convertible,
gleefully burbling about the 18 months he lived in Ibiza. I didn't put forward
any theories about who had fucked with his car.
Chill the Everclear in a highball glass 1/4-filled with ice. Add the ginger
beer. Carefully open the Metabolift (TM) capsule and empty the powder into the
drink (a Leatherman can be helpful in extracting the Metabolift if it is dryish
and sticks to the gel cap). Stir carefully and serve.
