Pure and simple as a hammer to the forebrain

     

 

 

"Squeal like a pig." Just saying the line conjures up images of Hillbillies and Ned Beatty's sweaty pink face. It's a powerful image, jammed into the American psyche like a fat Hillbilly cock in a tiny city-dweller's anus. The image will just not go away, no matter how hard you try.
-- enigma

 

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Canadia -- Reported 1998-11-30 00:07 by Tjames Madison
oh canadia

Just in time for the holidays, Canadia, our delightful neighbor to the north, invites all patriotic North American continentals to do their Christmas shopping online at Canada's Shopping Mall, an apparently state-sponsored skinny dip (and what isn't state-sponsored in the Great White North?) into the murky waters of USA-style commerce.

Although Canada's best known exports are generally thought to be hovercrafts, circus peanuts and censorship, at Canada's Shopping Mall you'll find a tanatalizing selection of potential gifts for that very special person in your life. Who, for instance, could resist this charming little Royal Canadian Mounted Police Bear? Available in brown, black or white, and a steal at $19.99 CDN (approximately two bucks American), your children will delight to the prospect of a tree full of Officially Sanctioned Mountie Products under the tree at Christmastime!

"Discover Canada through a wide range of RCMP gift items," the page advises, and here at Canada's Shopping Mall, you'll find every variety of T-shirt, syrup decanter, and 100% suede RCMP baseball cap (complete with British crown monogram) to help you discover the "strength, spirit of adventure and pride of place associated with ... the close link between Canadians and the rugged landscape in which they live."

But if you're not interested in RCMP memorabilia and just want to show off your Canadian patriotism, that's OK too; the site features a huge assortment of Canadian flags and banners to hoist high come next Pierre Trudeau's Birthday Day. Americans: be sure to snap up plenty of the Maple Leaf lapel pins to be found here and stick them all over your clothes the next time you visit Europe! Europeans love Canadians, and at current exchange rates of 15,000 Canadian Dollars to One US Dollar, now has never been a better time to shop!

While you're here, make sure you check out the selection of humorous shirts, mugs and greeting cards based around bear butts and giant mosquitos; you'll never think of Canadians as dull and joyless again!

Check it out yourself!

 

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

iambic@pigdog.org


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