Build Date: Sun Dec 14 11:30:32 2025 UTC
What is it with you Americans and your sodomy?
-- Evil Swiss Steve
| It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Canadia -- Reported 1998-11-30 00:07 by Tjames Madison | |
|
Just in time for the holidays, Canadia, our delightful neighbor to the north, invites all patriotic North American continentals to do their Christmas shopping online at Canada's Shopping Mall, an apparently state-sponsored skinny dip (and what isn't state-sponsored in the Great White North?) into the murky waters of USA-style commerce. Although Canada's best known exports are generally thought to be hovercrafts, circus peanuts and censorship, at Canada's Shopping Mall you'll find a tanatalizing selection of potential gifts for that very special person in your life. Who, for instance, could resist this charming little Royal Canadian Mounted Police Bear? Available in brown, black or white, and a steal at $19.99 CDN (approximately two bucks American), your children will delight to the prospect of a tree full of Officially Sanctioned Mountie Products under the tree at Christmastime! "Discover Canada through a wide range of RCMP gift items," the page advises, and here at Canada's Shopping Mall, you'll find every variety of T-shirt, syrup decanter, and 100% suede RCMP baseball cap (complete with British crown monogram) to help you discover the "strength, spirit of adventure and pride of place associated with ... the close link between Canadians and the rugged landscape in which they live." But if you're not interested in RCMP memorabilia and just want to show off your Canadian patriotism, that's OK too; the site features a huge assortment of Canadian flags and banners to hoist high come next Pierre Trudeau's Birthday Day. Americans: be sure to snap up plenty of the Maple Leaf lapel pins to be found here and stick them all over your clothes the next time you visit Europe! Europeans love Canadians, and at current exchange rates of 15,000 Canadian Dollars to One US Dollar, now has never been a better time to shop! While you're here, make sure you check out the selection of humorous shirts, mugs and greeting cards based around bear butts and giant mosquitos; you'll never think of Canadians as dull and joyless again! |
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help. (More...)
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
