Confessions of an Amateur Pornographer
Porn Pet Peeves
Last Gasps of the Dying
Becoming XXX
Interview with a Stripper
Jed Sanders, America's Favorite
Literary "Pullout"
The Danny Letters
The Media is the Mess
Ultimate Sex Links
If Life Were Like Porn
The Spawning Pigdog
In the Thick of Things
Random Shit

Confessions of an Amateur Pornographer

By Anonymous

Click here for more hot S&M action!

The pull of the BBS world was increasing. Soon I was seeking out real live partners in chat rooms to live out S&M-oriented fantasies.

Rule #1: learn the commands before seeking a sex partner. Sending private messages to candidates in a crowded chat room seemed like a good idea...

/msg Goddess_LilWill you live out my S&M fantasies with me?
[No response.]

After an hour of unsuccessful messages, I decided to try it one one last time....

/msg mistress_morganaI'm a submissive little maggot. Will you dominate me?

Then I had a horrible thought, and had to test the theory. I typed this into the chat room:

/msg mistress_morganaDoes mistress_morgana see these messages, or do everybody.

"every body".
"We all do."
"You sick fuck."

I didn't have a direct connection to the Internet, but local BBSes downloaded traffic from the Internet sex newsgroups. And with the impulse to read sex stories came the impulse to write them. I wistfully penned a story about saying goodbye in an airport cocktail lounge.

(It was just like my goodbye to the woman from Kansas City -- except it ended in turbulent sex, and involved a cock harness...)

Soon, I was a flaming libertarian, venting outrage that local ISPs refused to carry (Best of all, I found a nude photograph of Kennedy in!)

I continued writing the dirty stories, modelling the plots after feverish geek fantasies. (One was called simply "Catfight!") But meanwhile, I was learning the QBasic language that came with DOS, and soon I was creating my masterwork: a sex text adventure.

In these post-Web days, text sex adventures are a lost art-form -- but throughout the late 80s and early 90s, horny, geeky PC users were creating home-grown programs, sometimes with primitive animation or musical accompaniments. One AOL user created a Gilligan's Island game where each character was represented by an ASCII symbol. ("@" was the professor, "!" was Gilligan...)

d00d, you don't even want to know.

But they weren't dirty enough; not kinky enough. (Although a game called "Bad Bad" involved escorting an underaged girlfriend out of her father's house...) For me, do-it-yourself multimedia pornography was the last frontier. I began writing code...

Ironically, years later I had a girlfriend who was extremely kinky. Through bizarre role-playing sex games, I got to live out my witch fantasies. Once I tried to tell her about the stories I had written.

"It was called 'Catfight!'..." I began.

"Shut up," she said.
This chick's into water sports. But in private moments, I still poured unfulfilled fantasies into computer code. The text sex adventure grew. 40K. 80K. 120K. 160K. Nearly a quarter of a megabyte of geek fantasies. Water sports, Catholic school girls, Lorena Bobbitt -- I wasn't even sure if some of it was legal...

Unfortunately, it became too large to compile. A lesson in geek hubris was learned. I'd tried to write the greatest sex text adventure ever -- but it could only be viewed from my hard drive.

As a consolation to the reader, I offer the program I wrote about MTV VJ Kennedy.

God,I miss her.......