Confessions of an Amateur Pornographer
Porn Pet Peeves
Last Gasps of the Dying
Becoming XXX
Interview with a Stripper
Jed Sanders, America's Favorite
Literary "Pullout"
The Danny Letters
The Media is the Mess
Ultimate Sex Links
If Life Were Like Porn
The Spawning Pigdog
In the Thick of Things
Random Shit

"The facial adornment was, of course, the infamous "money shot"--the convention upon which the American porn industry relies to provide its audience with convincing evidence that the male participant's booster has, indeed, achieved escape velocity."

IndentThis guy--whom I'll call "Jim", even though his name is actually Jaime--was sensational. Not only did he have the stamina of... well... of a porn star, he turned out to also have the unique ability to count his orgasm down, as if it were a rocket launch and his jizz were the Space Shuttle. That talent let the film cameraman capture every millsecond of Jim decorating the Anglo-Korean girl's face with his sperm in balletic slow motion--all without wasting more than a second of expensive film stock--at 96 frames a second.

5... 4... 3... 2... 1... IndentI got a close-up view of the proceedings, because, after all, I was the lighting director. The facial adornment was, of course, the infamous "money shot"--the convention upon which the American porn industry relies to provide its audience with convincing evidence that the male participant's booster has, indeed, achieved escape velocity. What is less well-understood is that somebody--me, in this case--gets the unenviable task of providing suitably-enhanced lighting for the blessed event.
IndentIf you pay any attention to lighting in movies--and most people don't--you'll notice that, in most films, even when an actor is otherwise in shadow, his or her eyes are always well-enough lit that you can clearly see them. In the industry, that's called eyelighting and the instrument that produces it (usually what we call an "inky spot"--a hand-held incandescent spotlight) is an eye light.
IndentEye lights for eyes. Money lights for money shots.
IndentIn the outdoor scenes, rather than providing light directly, I used an aluminized reflector, hand-warping it to focus sunlight on the action. Since that's hard to do well from any distance, I needed to be close to the frame.
IndentReal close to the frame.
IndentI know for a fact that I'm not eager to become that well-acquainted with any of my other friend's intimate anatomy. As it turned out, Jim has an unusual wang. It's pencil thin, about 8 inches long and has a head the size of a small apple on it. The other guitar player in my band, who dropped by the set on the second day, described it as a "dog dick."
IndentBased on my observation, I'd say that's a pretty good description.
IndentSo Jim managed to justify our producer friend's faith in him and the Anglo-Korean girl demonstrated her unfamiliarity with the mechanics of fellatio and we had our first money shot in the can.
IndentThen it was time to shoot the climax of Under Cherry Moon--a scene where the leading man captures Cherry's affections by chasing her down and assfucking her in the garden. The actor in question was a weighlifter with a good tan and a reasonably- acceptable Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. He'd been in a number of porn movies in the past, but wasn't getting a lot of work at the time. The reason for that became apparent soon enough.
IndentHe couldn't get it up. Once he did get it up, he couldn't keep it up. And he never did manage a money shot the whole three days.
IndentSo, we faked it, of course.
IndentIn the long and medium shots, it was our Arnold clone hunching away at the Anglo- Korean girl's ass, but, when we cut to closeups, it was Jim's schlong in her bunghole. Of course, Jim's pecker is pretty unique and instantly identifiable. He also has a lot less body hair than our muscle boy.
IndentWhat the hell. This was porn, not art.
IndentWell, soon enough we were done with the outdoor stuff and the missing amateur still hadn't arrived. So, with Zack beginning to seriously sweat now, we moved back indoors to shoot the hot tub scenes that featured other players.
IndentThe couple we started with were a pair of obvious speed freaks and equally obviously near the end of a multi-day run. Lank hair, arms and legs like pipestems, hollow chests, blurry green tatoos and dilated pupils on both of them. The girl, an anorexic blond, asked Zack for his reaction to the way she'd shaved her bush into a narrow, vertical strip.
IndentReal sexy.
IndentAnyway, they writhed in simulated passion, both clearly thinking about getting paid and scoring some more crank. After what seemed like hours, (but probably wasn't more than 45 minutes or so,) the guy managed a feebly-drooling ejaculation and they collected their paychecks and vanished.
IndentAnd, lo and behold, the long-lost amateur #1 arrived, boyfriend in tow, just in the proverbial nick of time!
IndentShe was a busty little blond, 19 years old, maybe five-four with a cute face and a just slightly bigger-than-optimum butt. He was a big bruiser, mid-twenties, probably 6-feet-four and 240 pounds, all of it muscle.
IndentZack introduced them around and then immediately started outlining her first scene to her.
IndentIt started with Jim in what was supposed to be a comedy sex scene. She's naked, he's naked and they run into one another at the hot-tub party. She starts smoking his joint and, just as he comes, she spots a better prospect (her boyfriend, although, according to the script they were supposed to be strangers). In a case of lust at first sight, she promptly abandons the helplessly-squirting Jim for a round of deep throat at tubside with her new stud.