Confessions of an Amateur Pornographer
Porn Pet Peeves
Last Gasps of the Dying
Becoming XXX
Interview with a Stripper
Jed Sanders, America's Favorite
Literary "Pullout"
The Danny Letters
The Media is the Mess
Ultimate Sex Links
If Life Were Like Porn
The Spawning Pigdog
In the Thick of Things
Random Shit

Danny's Week


I'm gonna be 26 years old in several days and consider reaching that age as reaching the end of my youth, so I thought I'd celebrate the last few days of my youth by getting a more-expensive higher-quality blowup sex doll that won't spring a leak in three days like my Your Love Love Doll did a while back. It sprang a leak so fast because I'm a top who prefers to fuck by lying on top of a woman while pressing down hard and slamming my dick in and out at warp speed. Doing so maximizes pussy penetration and the overall fucking of my dick. I sold tons of stuff I had lying around at home, books, clothes, electronics, etc., to bookstores and used clothing stores and pawn shops and so forth, also stole some dough from my dad's wallet, got about $60 total, and went cruising for some good buys on a blowup doll. I would've preferred to just date a real live hooker and fuck her for a while, but didn't cuz it costs too much for a one-time fling that probably would've lasted 20 minutes and cuz there was the possibility of getting a fatal disease like AIDS. Good thing there's no such disease as incredible shrinking dick, or my sex life would be ruined. I cruised all the sex shops around town and discovered that the cheapest blowup doll that could stand lots of weight was a $50 "Chinese Love Doll: Hot Fortune Nookie." It supposedly has "extra thick rubber vinyl" that "holds up to 280 lbs". It seems to be the same material that's used in cheaper blowup dolls that don't make any claims about how much weight they can hold though, and the material isn't even particularly thick. It also has a "vibrating vagina and anus," but the only vibrating thing it has is this small little vibrating plug that's controlled to a speed setter and you choose low or high speed, it's an external thing vs. something built into the blowup doll, and the only thing you can do with it is stick it in one of the doll's sexual holes or in your mouth or up your ass, you don't feel any vibrating when you fuck the vagina or anus or mouth. It has "tits that get hot," but the only reason the tits get hot is cuz you have to fill the tits with hot water through holes in the back, and the hot water gets cold after a while, maybe melting the plastic tits if the water is too hot. Filling the tits up is HELLA hard, and the only way I actually got water in was by using my mom's plant watering container and sticking its pouring tube into the back's holes. I tried just turning tap water on over the holes, hardly any water went into the holes leading to the tits whereas a bunch of water went into the hole that you blow air into, and I had to try to get all the water that went into the air hole out of the doll. If you don't add water, the tits remain kinda flat. The box also said Id get a "lubricated vagina and anus and mouth for exciting slippery fun." Bullshit. Those holes are not lubricated, the only lubrication was three small packets of lube and you had to apply the lube to the doll's holes yourself. The doll's hole's interiors supposedly are made of some material that retains lubricant, but I doubt if the material actually would retain the lubricant for longer than one fuck session cuz the dick rubs the lubricant off and cuz the lubricant dries off. A "repair kit enclosed in case of leak or over- excitement." The kit consists of one small thin circle of peach colored plastic and a tiny unmarked tube of what I assume is like Krazy Glue. So I got it. I thought I got a good deal because all other more expensive blowup dolls, some cost up to $300 each, had the same weight specifications and had the same bonus items like repair kits, and the sex store across the street sold the exact same item for $10 more. The box showed an exotic stereotypical image of what a Chinese chick supposedly looks like. In this case, it was a regular looking chick with small tits, and I didn't go for the image portrayed, but after I opened up the box and looked at its contents the doll seemed pretty cool: the doll itself has no exotic features stereotypically associated with Chinese women, e.g. it has peach colored skin vs. yellow skin, and is fairly attractive although I wish all blowup dolls looked more like real women. That is, that they had hair on the back of the head in addition the front. The hair on the back of the head is portrayed with colored plastic, with black colored plastic for black hair or yellow colored plastic for blonde hair. I was pretty happy until I got home and discovered the aforementioned things; the material seems to be the same as the stuff used in cheaper blowup dolls, the sexual holes don't really vibrate and aren't really lubricated, and the repair kit is a cheap piece of shit that probably cost under 10 cents or 25 cents to produce, along with the fact that the sexual holes are bigger than the ones in my previous Your Love Love Doll. I didn't like the sexual holes' larger size cuz fucking them didn't give me that tight dick-squeezing feeling I love, and need to get hyped up enough to ejaculate. In fact, I fucked the doll for a semi-long time right after I got home and didn't ejaculate at all, then again maybe that's because my balls didn't fully recharge from yesterday's several- hours-long dicksuck and jacking off yet. In sum, I felt disappointed with the purchase, mainly cuz the sexual holes are too large and wide. I also was disappointed with how the tits wouldn't move together so I could jack my dick off between them, but my Your Love Love Doll couldn't do that either so I'm not as disappointed, but am stuck with it, and will have to keep it for a LONG time since I spent so much money on it. I just hope my dad doesn't find the doll like he did with my earlier Your Love Love Doll. Hopefully my dick will grow longer and thicker over time, so it'll fit better into the doll's sexual holes. Oh yeah, the blowup doll's pussy and anus had no flaps covering them when I got the package, and I dunno if it was supposed to but I know for a fact that Doc Johnson blowup sex dolls generally have flaps over the sexual holes, you have to remove the flaps yourself, to make sure that nobody fucked the holes before you did. I hope nobody fucked my doll before I bought it but can't tell for sure.


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