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But then cops REALLY CAME and they SHUT DOWN THE FUTURE so we had to stumble out into the past and look for busses. We gave up and started looking for BATHROOMS.
-- Crackmonkey
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Can you believe it's here again already? It hardly seems
that a year has passed since the BEAUJOLAIS NOUVEAU was
last unleashed on an unwitting world. The shards of glass
have hardly been swept up, the wounds have barely healed,
and the DIABOLICAL WINEMONGERERS of the Beaujolais region
are already going to flood us with bacchanalian vino! Where
is the justice!?
As I have said before, and will
probably say again... Beaujolais Nouveau is on its way. Gaaah! The traditional
third Thursday of November, when the new vintage of Beaujolais wine is released
for the first time, is TOMORROW! 2000-11-16!!! Can you believe it?
As of this writing, it is only about an HOUR until the peasants of the
Beaujolais valley start rolling the barrels of Beaujo out onto the roads and
down the hills to the cities below. This is not made up, folks! Seriously, they
wait until one minute past midnight before releasing the wine. Then it is flown
ALL OVER THE WORLD, to Hong Kong and Lima and Cairo and Zurich, where
wine-slavering oeno-mavens await with clutching paws! Because, as they say, "Le
Beaujolais Nouveau est arrive'"!!!
B.N. is well known for its qualities of TOTAL REMOVAL of INHIBITION, INCREASED
LIBIDO (by many orders of magnitude), INCITEMENT to RIOT and other VIOLENT
DETRIMENTS to CIVILIZATION. As Beaujolais nouveau sweeps the planet in a red
gushing wave of decadence tomorrow, mass hysteria will once again reign! The RED
BITTER GOD is KING! Dionysus strikes the nations of the earth with a Beaujolais
War Turd!
I have so many painful, vivid memories of Beaujolais nights past... Cars
overturned, burning in the street, as naked hooligans smash storefront
windows... Rooster tails of blood and Beaujolais splashed across the walls of
the police station... The mad laughter of once-proud women, rutting like
animals in alleys, Beaujolais Nouveau bubbling out of their noses and mouths
with each wine-soaked moan... Vines curling about the legs of the unwary...
Dunking, sacrifice, cutting, blood, breasts, BEAUJOLAIS!
I cannot but enjoin you, Pigdog reader, to hie yourself to a professional
Beaujolais Nouveau establishment tomorrow night and try the new vintage
yourself. Get some pleasure before the shitstorm arrives. Burn, Beaujolais! Burn
with le feu NOUVEAU!
Check it out yourself
laredo@pigdog.org
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