Build Date: Wed May 21 11:21:15 2025 UTC
I think every motorcycle bar should be just packed with delicate little unescorted girls. And all bars should also serve ham.
-- Mr. Bad
Beaujolais Nouveau! Need I Say More?!
2000-11-15 15:55:02
Can you believe it's here again already? It hardly seems that a year has passed since the BEAUJOLAIS NOUVEAU was last unleashed on an unwitting world. The shards of glass have hardly been swept up, the wounds have barely healed, and the DIABOLICAL WINEMONGERERS of the Beaujolais region are already going to flood us with bacchanalian vino! Where is the justice!?
As I have said before, and will probably say again... Beaujolais Nouveau is on its way. Gaaah! The traditional third Thursday of November, when the new vintage of Beaujolais wine is released for the first time, is TOMORROW! 2000-11-16!!! Can you believe it?
As of this writing, it is only about an HOUR until the peasants of the Beaujolais valley start rolling the barrels of Beaujo out onto the roads and down the hills to the cities below. This is not made up, folks! Seriously, they wait until one minute past midnight before releasing the wine. Then it is flown ALL OVER THE WORLD, to Hong Kong and Lima and Cairo and Zurich, where wine-slavering oeno-mavens await with clutching paws! Because, as they say, "Le Beaujolais Nouveau est arrive'"!!!
B.N. is well known for its qualities of TOTAL REMOVAL of INHIBITION, INCREASED LIBIDO (by many orders of magnitude), INCITEMENT to RIOT and other VIOLENT DETRIMENTS to CIVILIZATION. As Beaujolais nouveau sweeps the planet in a red gushing wave of decadence tomorrow, mass hysteria will once again reign! The RED BITTER GOD is KING! Dionysus strikes the nations of the earth with a Beaujolais War Turd!
I have so many painful, vivid memories of Beaujolais nights past... Cars overturned, burning in the street, as naked hooligans smash storefront windows... Rooster tails of blood and Beaujolais splashed across the walls of the police station... The mad laughter of once-proud women, rutting like animals in alleys, Beaujolais Nouveau bubbling out of their noses and mouths with each wine-soaked moan... Vines curling about the legs of the unwary... Dunking, sacrifice, cutting, blood, breasts, BEAUJOLAIS!
I cannot but enjoin you, Pigdog reader, to hie yourself to a professional Beaujolais Nouveau establishment tomorrow night and try the new vintage yourself. Get some pleasure before the shitstorm arrives. Burn, Beaujolais! Burn with le feu NOUVEAU!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Last week I had eye surgery and it was certainly one of the least enjoyable episodes of my life. Eye Surgeons like their patients to be conscious enough so that they can move their eyes to the proper position during surgery. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)