Build Date: Thu Sep 25 09:30:07 2025 UTC
This is Pigdog, so the door is always open... whatever the hell that means.
-- Johnnie Royale
BEAUJOLAIS NOUVEAU, my friend!
1999-11-17 01:56:38
It's that time of year again, my delicieux friend! Yes indeed! The BEAUJOLAIS NOUVEAU is upon us! For the last time this CENTURY! And I must say, BEAUJOLAIS to that!!
If you don't know, now you know: Beaujolais is the delicious and particularly CHEAP wine produced by the BEAUJOLAIS prefecture of la belle France. Every year, the new (= bitter, highly alcoholic, cruel and painful) wine of this year's vintage is kept as a TOP HIGH GOVERNMENTAL SECRET at the most ELEVATED ECHELONS of the nation of France! That is, until the THIRD THURSDAY of NOVEMBRE, when the BEAUJOLAIS NOUVEAU is released upon the world like a BACCHANALIAN SHITSTORM!
Seriously, the Frogs make a big fucking deal about RESTRICTING ACCESS to the Beaujolais nouveau to their most LOYAL OPERATIVES on a strictly NEED-TO-KNOW basis before the 3rd Thu. Freaky d00ds in berets and striped frog shirts walk around with mirrorshades and briefcases of Beaujolais nouveau HANDCUFFED to their wrists to prevent the secret from falling into unfriendly hands. Those who violate the CODE of SILENCE are EXECUTED with EXTREME PREJUDICE. Serious! I saw it in "Hate"! It's a real bad scene all the way around!
But, when the Beaujolais nouveau is unleashed, UNHOLY WINESLOBBERING of BIBLICAL PROPORTION ensues! It has to be seen to be believed! On this Thursday, November 18th, all around the world, like a OENOLOGICAL TIMEBOMB, the CLOSELY GUARDED CASES of Beaujolais nouveau will be SPRUNG like Siegfried and Roy's WHITE TIGERS upon an unsuspecting populace! Women will SWOON with winey fevers, and men will SNORT and DIG like TRUFFLE PIGS in the wine bars of the GLOBE!
Mobs will take to the streets, splashing Beaujolais nouveau upon their naked skin and heaving breasts! Children will weep in corners as their once-civilized parents RUT like NAKED BEASTS under Beaujolais's cruel spell! In decadent candlelit secret chambers, the elite will bathe in GLASS BATHTUBS of the acidy red FLUID! Fire and Wine are KING! The world awaits the BEAUJOLAIS NOUVEAU to FREE the SICK and RAVENOUS ANIMAL within!
This Thursday, PLUNGE into your lower nature and enjoy the Beaujolais nouveau with us! Pigdog will be SLOPPING like HOGS at TROUGHS of BEAUJOLAIS in our nearest mixology lab. Thence we will SPREAD LIKE A DISEASE through the streets of the City, STABBING passersby and forcing JEROBOAMS of WINE down their raw and bleeding throats! Come with us! The time is nigh! BURN, Beaujolais! Burn with le feu NOUVEAU!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes! (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)