Build Date: Sat Feb 7 13:40:08 2026 UTC
Nature is a lazy Mother.
-- Anonymous
I Use A Word That Don't Mean Nothing, Like "Loopid"
2000-03-31 15:44:29
Hey hey hey! It's almost April 1, which means only one thing in this big crazy town: The Saint Stupid's Parade! Beaujolais for crazy stupid people!
Here's the dealy-do: there's this big crazy pseudo-church in San Francisco called "The First Church of the Last Laugh," run by this total WACKBALL called "Bishop Joey" (get it?). They don't do much of anything during most of the year, but on April First they have a gigantic spontaneous parade of FREAKS and WEIRDOS walking through the streets of San Francisco and acting like complete DORKS.
The Saint Stupid's Day Parade (as it's called) has been going on for some small integral number of years. The whole thing is a celebration of HUMAN STUPIDITY in all its multifarious and ingenious forms. Not just FUN and GOOFY stupidity, because there's plenty of that, but also VENAL and EVIL stupidity, BLOCKISH and DULL stupidity, VAPID and CLANDESTINE stupidity, etc. etc.
So anyways there's this giganto-parade of human stupidity, with loud and boorish actions as well as music and nudity and freakishness. You have to realize that the FCLL is mostly made up of the kind of people who are attracted to joke religions in the first place. I mean, these folks are complete QUEERBALLS the other 364.251 days of the year, so you can imagine what they look like when they actually try to give it a go and look EXTRA-FREAKY for this one special holiday.
I highly recommend that if you're in God's Favorite City on Saturday 4/1, you go to the Big Pointy Building and celebrate your own and everyone else's totally wigged out insane shithouse-crazy life. According to the FCLL, you're a part of the Human Parade of Stupidity whether you attend or not, whether you walk down the street or stand on the sidewalk gawking. So if you're going to be stupid, why not do it the fun way? Go put on your FREAK FLAG clothes, stick a couple of chopsticks in your ears, paint a big PANDA BEAR on your beer belly and tromp down the avenue with the rest of the dipsticks. Beaujolais for the Stupid Parade!
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
Extreme pimpin' under pressure ... how to tell a playa from a sucka ... keeping your hoes under control ... tips for mackin' success from Pigdog's own Terrordrone. (More...)
Canadians Not So Different After All
Nobody wants to be prejudiced. But sometimes you can be biased and not even realize it. I think many Americans are biased in this way against Canadians. I never really stopped to think about it, but I myself used to be this way. I guess I thought that Canadians were "stuck-up" — you know, smarter and better cultured than us. But then I got educated about Canadia. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
