Build Date: Tue Sep 29 16:12:45 2026 UTC
It's sort of like Moore's law or something -- every new alpha-geek Linux distribution will have a logo that's twice as lame as the logo for the last alpha-geek distribution.
-- El Snatcher
I Use A Word That Don't Mean Nothing, Like "Loopid"
2000-03-31 15:44:29
Hey hey hey! It's almost April 1, which means only one thing in this big crazy town: The Saint Stupid's Parade! Beaujolais for crazy stupid people!
Here's the dealy-do: there's this big crazy pseudo-church in San Francisco called "The First Church of the Last Laugh," run by this total WACKBALL called "Bishop Joey" (get it?). They don't do much of anything during most of the year, but on April First they have a gigantic spontaneous parade of FREAKS and WEIRDOS walking through the streets of San Francisco and acting like complete DORKS.
The Saint Stupid's Day Parade (as it's called) has been going on for some small integral number of years. The whole thing is a celebration of HUMAN STUPIDITY in all its multifarious and ingenious forms. Not just FUN and GOOFY stupidity, because there's plenty of that, but also VENAL and EVIL stupidity, BLOCKISH and DULL stupidity, VAPID and CLANDESTINE stupidity, etc. etc.
So anyways there's this giganto-parade of human stupidity, with loud and boorish actions as well as music and nudity and freakishness. You have to realize that the FCLL is mostly made up of the kind of people who are attracted to joke religions in the first place. I mean, these folks are complete QUEERBALLS the other 364.251 days of the year, so you can imagine what they look like when they actually try to give it a go and look EXTRA-FREAKY for this one special holiday.
I highly recommend that if you're in God's Favorite City on Saturday 4/1, you go to the Big Pointy Building and celebrate your own and everyone else's totally wigged out insane shithouse-crazy life. According to the FCLL, you're a part of the Human Parade of Stupidity whether you attend or not, whether you walk down the street or stand on the sidewalk gawking. So if you're going to be stupid, why not do it the fun way? Go put on your FREAK FLAG clothes, stick a couple of chopsticks in your ears, paint a big PANDA BEAR on your beer belly and tromp down the avenue with the rest of the dipsticks. Beaujolais for the Stupid Parade!
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
