Build Date: Fri Jul 4 03:50:58 2025 UTC
Fun FIRST. Cultural statements second.
-- Thom 'Starky' Stark
Crazed Otters Terrorize Mankind
2001-05-17 18:11:49
Otters! The latest in a string of bizarre and unexplained attacks rocks humankind. From Florida to Romania, one word is striking terror in the hearts of humans everywhere. Otters! Otters!
Dateline: Romania. An innocent fisherman in a sleepy hamlet hauls in a fish. The otters attack. The crafty mammal sneaks up on its prey, then sinks its otter teeth into his fleshy Romanian buttocks. Though the catch represented the biggest fish the fisherman had ever seen, the otter sprang its aquatic companion from the human captor, in an apparent them-versus-us show of solidarity.
It's a troubling development, conjuring nightmarish images: armies of otters rampaging through our wildlands, like some horrible campfire ghost story come true. It resonates on a primitive level, a surreal and haunting message about the inherent futility of man's aspirations. You hope, you dream, you plan for the future -- and then an otter bites you in the ass. You're realizing your pathetic small-town glory of lifting the largest fish you've even seen in your life from the local lake -- and then an otter bites you in the ass.
Pigdog's ongoing reporting of animal rampages has uncovered the disturbing pattern. (Otters!) From squirrels to skunks, seals to sqrats, the crazed animal uprisings in an undeclared guerilla war may now be signalling an escalation. " Crazed otter drowns fluffy dog" was only the beginning.
It all buttresses something Pigdog's editors concluded long ago. "The dirty little secret of the Animal Kingdom is that ALL ANIMALS HATE US.
"Even the cute ones. So watch your back!"
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Our man Daemon Agent checks out the heavy heavy sounds of crazy space surf rockers Man or Astroman?. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
