Build Date: Sun Sep 20 13:34:55 2026 UTC
Never tell me what you hate.
-- Johnnie Royale
Monkey Business
Apes, apes and more apes... from the little ones to the great ones.
Pigdog Journal Articles
2006-02-17
... tell everyone about the upcoming pillow fight. It also helps to show up with a pillow and not to hit people without pillows. Much simpler rules than the movie version with the similar name, and a lot more fun.
2004-08-09
Koko the signing gorilla made history this week, when she underwent dental surgery for a self-diagnosed toothache.
2002-04-05
In what has become apparently an annual ritual, a pack of ultra fundamentalist Monkeys, incapable of accepting Mankind's rise as the dominate species on the planet, has attacked a girls school in India, in an apparent attempt to thwart the education process with the ultimate goal of toppling our civilization.
2002-02-16
In a move that has baffled most major Wall Street and Defense analysts, Tjames has apparently invaded Europe, establishing a presence and even planting a flag. The analysts have all been stunned into silence and collectively provided no comments, while off the record "claiming" to have never heard of America's favorite usenet personality.
1999-07-09
I've often felt that any idiot can make money on net stocks these days. As it turns out, most lower primates can do so as well.
1999-06-29
Gotta love PBS and its Nature program about mandrills. Fascinating to decode, too! "Delve into the mystery behind this animal's unique coloring..." (= Blue butt.) "Not much is known about how mandrills behave in the wild..." (= Toss feces.)
1999-06-15
A new study conducted by researchers at Johns Hopkins University spells out some bad news for monkeys who are into techno music and all-night raves.
1999-06-08
Those Goddamned Mandrills are at it again! And this time they've got a WEB SITE!
1999-05-12
These dumbasses have not only been waiting in line to see Star Wars - Episode One - The Phantom Menace (Sheesh, could George have made that any longer?) for over a month and they still got nearly a week to go. All to watch a two hour movie that will play all fucking summer long. And they got gonads to put their silliness all online for the world to see.
1999-03-05
Perhaps there is nothing more ego-deflating in the world for an actor than having to do a movie with a monkey. I find it particularly pleasurable that even at the height of the mania about the 20-something TV show "Friends," the best that co-star Matt LeBlanc could get out of Hollywood was "Ed," a movie about a monkey that plays baseball. Haw haw haw!
1999-03-01
In other non-news today, Intel has made a desperate lunge at the young and hip in order to sell more of their SHITTY NEW CHIPS. Their ploy? A new animated television commercial featuring a red-assed mandrill made out of socks. HA! Like _that's_ gonna work.
1998-12-20
There's an old saying that says, "If you can't get them to laugh with a monkey, then, man, you should get out of the business." With that in mind, we offer you the latest in Web scams: the FREE MONKEY Web site.
1998-11-25
A 77 year old client for the Darwin Awards sleep-walked his way into a swamp filled with alligators waking up face to face with a 3 footer and surrounded by a dozen more of the big lizards. He was able to fight them off with his cane (which he apparently needs for sleep-walking) until help arrived and avoided becoming gator bait.
1998-11-24
That's right, infidelity is common in the wild with supposedly monogamous mammals fucking every chance they get. Damn, these animals act just like us humans and you can just about see them hanging out at the local "meat" market just waiting to bang some bitch and then heading home to the wife and 2.5 kids. With all of this "Monkey Business" going on, can it be long before the Moral Majority seeks to legislate the behavior of all "great" apes?
Offsite links shared by staff writers
2011-03-12
2011-03-11
2003-03-13
Is that 8 BILLION DOLLARS WORTH OF BONDS in your pocket or are you just happy to see the Swiss border guards? Don Johnson's pricey ride.
2001-02-10
2001-01-02
"Revolting, yet somehow mesmerizing!" This page has the best animated psychedelic mandrill butt on the Web -- BAR NONE.
2000-12-08
2000-11-06
1999-07-12
1999-07-12
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
Juggler Vain attempts to wrestle with the issues around the KPFA shutdown; Big-time wrestling ensues. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
On a hot spring night after dinner and before the night's serious drinking begins, a Romulan Highball really hits the spot. (More...)
Owner of 6 Medical Marijuana Dispensaries Arrested
Reefer madness or a government fabrication? (More...)
