Pure and simple as a hammer to the forebrain

     
 

You're Pumping What Up Their Asses?
1999-12-10 11:39:49


Consumers in Action
 
I realize Webvan is going to fold any second, but do you realize they are giving away FREE HAM!?!
-- Quaker State Tapioca Rupture

 

You see these fuckers just about everywhere. Bubbling cauldrons of unchecked happiness and optimism, without a drop of reality in sight. It's enough to make want to push them over the guardrail of an overpass into the path of a speeding semi. But before you risk going to death row (sent there by people who won't understand that this person just had to die) may we suggest using some the products manufactured by Despair instead?

At Despair Inc, you'll find products specifically designed to knock the sunshine out of Patty Positive, and drag her screaming down into your personal hell. Every self-respecting pessimist should have a revolving line of credit here.

Unleash the untapped power of other people's misery!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

jared@pigdog.org


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