Slashdot.org

     
 

Crazed Otters Terrorize Mankind
2001-05-17 18:11:49


Animal Rampage
 
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
-- Kaiser Wilhelm

 

Otters! The latest in a string of bizarre and unexplained attacks rocks humankind. From Florida to Romania, one word is striking terror in the hearts of humans everywhere. Otters! Otters!

Dateline: Romania. An innocent fisherman in a sleepy hamlet hauls in a fish. The otters attack. The crafty mammal sneaks up on its prey, then sinks its otter teeth into his fleshy Romanian buttocks. Though the catch represented the biggest fish the fisherman had ever seen, the otter sprang its aquatic companion from the human captor, in an apparent them-versus-us show of solidarity.

It's a troubling development, conjuring nightmarish images: armies of otters rampaging through our wildlands, like some horrible campfire ghost story come true. It resonates on a primitive level, a surreal and haunting message about the inherent futility of man's aspirations. You hope, you dream, you plan for the future -- and then an otter bites you in the ass. You're realizing your pathetic small-town glory of lifting the largest fish you've even seen in your life from the local lake -- and then an otter bites you in the ass.

Pigdog's ongoing reporting of animal rampages has uncovered the disturbing pattern. (Otters!) From squirrels to skunks, seals to sqrats, the crazed animal uprisings in an undeclared guerilla war may now be signalling an escalation. " Crazed otter drowns fluffy dog" was only the beginning.

It all buttresses something Pigdog's editors concluded long ago. "The dirty little secret of the Animal Kingdom is that ALL ANIMALS HATE US.

"Even the cute ones. So watch your back!"

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

yungstud@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
by Mr. Bad

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

Escape to Spock Mountain!
by Baron Earl

Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
by Thom 'Starky' Stark, Lenny Tuberose, 'Tricky' Rick Moen, Destino

05-17

Master Squid

Man killed by crossbow in Germany led 'medieval cult'

05-17

El Destino

Crazy bitcoin-trading "seasteader" forced to run by the Thai government

03-30

Flesh

Alex Jones Admits To Being Psychotic.

03-30

Flesh

Alex Jones Throws Temper Tantrum After Being Laughed At.

03-30

Flesh

So what's the time? It's time to get ill! Alex Jones Smokes Some Kind. Gets Really Paranoid

03-23

El Destino

The Las Vegas Strip now has robot bartenders

03-06

Poindexter Fortran

University of California special collections: now with more Hunter S. Thompson

02-15

Baron Earl

Amazing hand-stitched scenes from DUNE

01-17

Baron Earl

Contributions to Top Dark Money Spenders

01-11

Baron Earl

CES claims dildo is not a robot

More Quickies...