Build Date: Sun Feb 15 05:10:19 2026 UTC
Your ideas about the Immaculate Conception are as wrong as your ideas
about gun control.
-- X
Cyberbilly Thanksgiving Traditions
1999-11-24 21:00:39
Gluttony, family infighting, and monumental sloth -- these are all traditional Thanksgiving values that the cyberbillies of Spock Mountain Research Labs hold dear to our hearts. We hope you, too, will share these heartwarming cyberbilly Thanksgiving traditions. Think of it as Martha Stewart gone horribly, horribly wrong.
- Genetically-enhanced Cy-bur-Turkee (TM) with multi-faceted insect eyes, 8 drumsticks/tentacles and a built-in video screen to see if the stuffing's cooked
- Sqrat races
- Watching 8 hours of Hillbilly Robot MegaFootball on the wide-screen hologram TV
- pumpkin-flavored martinis
- Bonghits in the bathroom with your cousins just before dinner
- "Turkey day" MST3K marathon on Comedy Central
- Cranberry-yage sauce
- Keeping warm and cozy by Burning All GIFs
- Bobbing for smart drugs
- Emailing virus-laden "Hapy Thanksgiving!" animations to clueless Windows users
- Toasting marshmallows on the Tesla coil
- Squash lager
- Sam Donaldson's Thanksgiving Sing-A-Long Holiday Banjo album
- Sweet potatoes glazed with molasses and trucker speed
- Ritual vomiting-for-distance onto cloying Norman Rockwell prints
- Listening to Uncle Jake's drunken rambling stories about eating 30 lbs. of raw bear meat on Thanksgiving of '08
- Pilgrims-and-Indians porn
- Mashed Spock-a-tatoes and Hyperwhiskey gravy
- The traditional cyberbilly grace prayer: "Good food/Good meat/Good God/It's MOVING!!! That damn thing's STILL ALIVE! Boys, get my LASER RIFLE, and QUICK!"
- A hangover as big as all outdoors
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
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NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
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The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
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Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
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During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
