Meathenge

     
 

Cyberbilly Thanksgiving Traditions
1999-11-24 21:00:39


Mr. Bad's List
 
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
-- William Butler Yeats

 

Gluttony, family infighting, and monumental sloth -- these are all traditional Thanksgiving values that the cyberbillies of Spock Mountain Research Labs hold dear to our hearts. We hope you, too, will share these heartwarming cyberbilly Thanksgiving traditions. Think of it as Martha Stewart gone horribly, horribly wrong.

  • Genetically-enhanced Cy-bur-Turkee (TM) with multi-faceted insect eyes, 8 drumsticks/tentacles and a built-in video screen to see if the stuffing's cooked
  • Sqrat races
  • Watching 8 hours of Hillbilly Robot MegaFootball on the wide-screen hologram TV
  • pumpkin-flavored martinis
  • Bonghits in the bathroom with your cousins just before dinner
  • "Turkey day" MST3K marathon on Comedy Central
  • Cranberry-yage sauce
  • Keeping warm and cozy by Burning All GIFs
  • Bobbing for smart drugs
  • Emailing virus-laden "Hapy Thanksgiving!" animations to clueless Windows users
  • Toasting marshmallows on the Tesla coil
  • Squash lager
  • Sam Donaldson's Thanksgiving Sing-A-Long Holiday Banjo album
  • Sweet potatoes glazed with molasses and trucker speed
  • Ritual vomiting-for-distance onto cloying Norman Rockwell prints
  • Listening to Uncle Jake's drunken rambling stories about eating 30 lbs. of raw bear meat on Thanksgiving of '08
  • Pilgrims-and-Indians porn
  • Mashed Spock-a-tatoes and Hyperwhiskey gravy
  • The traditional cyberbilly grace prayer: "Good food/Good meat/Good God/It's MOVING!!! That damn thing's STILL ALIVE! Boys, get my LASER RIFLE, and QUICK!"
  • A hangover as big as all outdoors

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

sadist@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

T O P   S T O R I E S

Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
by Thom 'Starky' Stark, Lenny Tuberose, 'Tricky' Rick Moen, Destino

The One Trump Conspiracy That Will Explain Everything
by El Destino

No, Google Isn't Using Grand Theft Auto To Train Self-Driving Cars
by El Destino

Amazon's 'Dash' Button For Doritos Panned By Potheads
by El Destino

10-09

El Destino

Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to "go fuck himself"

07-05

El Destino

Whatever happened to JenniCam's Jennifer Ringley?

05-03

El Destino

Iíve Made Millions Selling Fake Plastic Hillbilly Teeth

05-03

Baron Earl

Fyre Fest Lawsuit

05-03

Baron Earl

US Government uses drones to shoot M&Ms at endangered ferrets

05-03

Baron Earl

When will the abuse of airline passengers stop?

05-03

El Destino

Hillbilly miner turned coder wants to make Kentucky into "Silicon Holler"

03-31

El Destino

86-year-old William Shatner cast in a new romantic comedy: 'Senior Moment'

03-19

El Destino

New ransomware taunts its victims with ASCII art of Spock and Kirk

01-26

Flesh

Alex Jones is Big, Fat, And Drunk in Public.

08-01

El Destino

Amazon's secret: incest in the Kindle ad?

08-01

El Destino

Slut Walk! Sexy feminist protest, or invaders from Mars?

04-25

Daemon Agent

The Quest for the Best Cheap Beer in a Can

04-25

Eugene Leitl

Beverage science at its finest

04-16

El Destino

YouTube punishes copyright offenders with animated pirate cat

04-09

Baron Earl

Poll shows that almost half of Mississippi's Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal

04-07

Baron Earl

Commodore64 redux - now with Linux

04-06

El Destino

George Takei demonstrates why he should be playing Spider-Man

04-01

El Destino

High school students sacrifice chickens to improve their batting average

03-31

Baron Earl

Creating a wall-hangable computer from an Ikea shadow box frame

More Quickies...