Build Date: Wed Apr 2 23:20:09 2025 UTC
I'm getting out of Concord while the speed addicts on my block are still relatively few.
-- Master Squid
Lucas isn't God
1999-01-11 15:01:00
...declares CNN movie reviewer Paul Tartara in a scathing OP-Ed in which he states that the Star Wars zealots have no right to bitch that now non-deity Lucas is going only make six of the planned nine movies in the series. The article is sure to inflame the wrath of the Faithful Followers of Han and Luke and Leia, already reeling from the news that the series is now half over.
When Noted Pigdog Editor and Star Wars aficionado, Mr. Bad, was asked to comment on Tartara piece after reading it, he was quoted as saying "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH" and "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGH". Later, Mr. Bad was found curled up in a fetal position sucking his thumb in the back corner of the Pigdog Publishing House and Y2K Survival Bunker mumbling "I can't believe it. I just can't believe Threepio and Artoo are gay and that Leia turns into an alcoholic" completely ignoring the fact the Carrie Fisher has done time at the Betty Ford Clinic for Well-heeled Overindulgers and the Threepio and Artoo are really nothing more the smallish actors inside of metal costumes.
Anyway, you can read the piece for yourself and see where Tartara completely oversteps the bounds of journalistic good tastes when he praises movies such as Tucker and then writes "(Threepio and Artoo) reappear briefly in Episode VIII: 'Not Much Happening,' during which Artoo has a torrid affair with a vacuum cleaner played by Delta Burke."
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
