Build Date: Fri Feb 14 11:20:12 2025 UTC
Well, my dad grew up below the poverty line - so I got a lot of stories about walking to school in a blizzard, up hill; both ways - sounds pretty horrible... so I want to avoid having to live in a neighborhood like that.
-- Johnnie Royale
Let Elvis Come Inside Of You
2002-01-21 21:07:22
It's pronounced El-vii, there are 6 of them: Love Me Tender Elvis, GI Joe Elvis, 60's Rockin Elvis, Charro, 70's Come-Back Elvis, and the poor old Over The Edge Died In The Loo Elvis. But now there is another Elvis. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Extreme Elvis. I've only felt this way once before while watching what appeared to be Snuff Films with a cute bartender giving me the eye. It was a combination of wanting to hurl and being turned on at the same time.
Extreme Elvis is more like a Back From The Dead Zombie Sleaze Bag Dirty Old Fat Man Elvis. I saw Extreme Elvis at Dada Fest 2001. I didn't actually catch his act, but I did see him. Mostly around the Outdoor Smoking Lounge. He sang a little for us. He was really hammy but with an overall Elvisness. Apparently he sings really crappy renditions of Elvis tunes while stripping out of his jumpsuit. He kicks off his shoes, urinates into one and drinks it. Then he sort of jiggles around the stage nekkid.
The best thing about Extreme Elvis is this alleged letter from The Graceland Staff:
From: Graceland Staff
Dear Gaylord,
Yours is one of several messages we've recently received about Extreme Elvis. Our licensing/legal people have run across this one in their continuous observation of Elvis-related activity on the Internet. We are copying them on the messages we are getting about this.
Generally speaking, there are some aspects of impersonating Elvis (even doing grossly unflattering parodies) that fall under First Amendment rights of expression. There are also some types of activities related to impersonation that do involve trademark or copyright infringements for which we do have some legal recourse.
And there are lots of "gray areas". The whole subject is very complicated and the world is full of Elvis impersonations and parodies to have to contend with. This is a never-ending challenge. We can't get into any detailed dialogue specifcally about Extreme Elvis at this time other than to say it does have our attention. But, do know that we share your dismay and disgust and that we greatly appreciate your concern. Best wishes, The Graceland Staff
bcc: Extreme Elvis Circulation
I'll give the guy a half a point of Chicken John for the title Love Me Chicken Tenders. But that's IT. Otherwise, I too share in this dismay and disgust and I have GREAT concern for That Which I Hold Sacred And True. Extreme Elvis is purely vulgar and decadent with too much ham and not enough cheese. It is most definitely NOT Elvis. Is that splooge on Extreme Elvis' face? Awwww, MAN! No one needs to see Elvis like that.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup
Went to one of the only really enjoyable outdoor concerts I can remember (maybe I didn't enjoy it enough). The finest in dirty hillbilly music: The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup. For those ignorants, Cross Canadian Ragweed is a horrendous allergan in Texas, and it's also a band. In a great show of humility, CCR was the worst major act in their line up. Fortunately, they have talented friends. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
