Build Date: Fri Apr 4 02:20:45 2025 UTC
Beer is the best part of using a computer.
-- Mr. Bad
Let Elvis Come Inside Of You
2002-01-21 21:07:22
It's pronounced El-vii, there are 6 of them: Love Me Tender Elvis, GI Joe Elvis, 60's Rockin Elvis, Charro, 70's Come-Back Elvis, and the poor old Over The Edge Died In The Loo Elvis. But now there is another Elvis. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Extreme Elvis. I've only felt this way once before while watching what appeared to be Snuff Films with a cute bartender giving me the eye. It was a combination of wanting to hurl and being turned on at the same time.
Extreme Elvis is more like a Back From The Dead Zombie Sleaze Bag Dirty Old Fat Man Elvis. I saw Extreme Elvis at Dada Fest 2001. I didn't actually catch his act, but I did see him. Mostly around the Outdoor Smoking Lounge. He sang a little for us. He was really hammy but with an overall Elvisness. Apparently he sings really crappy renditions of Elvis tunes while stripping out of his jumpsuit. He kicks off his shoes, urinates into one and drinks it. Then he sort of jiggles around the stage nekkid.
The best thing about Extreme Elvis is this alleged letter from The Graceland Staff:
From: Graceland Staff
Dear Gaylord,
Yours is one of several messages we've recently received about Extreme Elvis. Our licensing/legal people have run across this one in their continuous observation of Elvis-related activity on the Internet. We are copying them on the messages we are getting about this.
Generally speaking, there are some aspects of impersonating Elvis (even doing grossly unflattering parodies) that fall under First Amendment rights of expression. There are also some types of activities related to impersonation that do involve trademark or copyright infringements for which we do have some legal recourse.
And there are lots of "gray areas". The whole subject is very complicated and the world is full of Elvis impersonations and parodies to have to contend with. This is a never-ending challenge. We can't get into any detailed dialogue specifcally about Extreme Elvis at this time other than to say it does have our attention. But, do know that we share your dismay and disgust and that we greatly appreciate your concern. Best wishes, The Graceland Staff
bcc: Extreme Elvis Circulation
I'll give the guy a half a point of Chicken John for the title Love Me Chicken Tenders. But that's IT. Otherwise, I too share in this dismay and disgust and I have GREAT concern for That Which I Hold Sacred And True. Extreme Elvis is purely vulgar and decadent with too much ham and not enough cheese. It is most definitely NOT Elvis. Is that splooge on Extreme Elvis' face? Awwww, MAN! No one needs to see Elvis like that.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
