Build Date: Fri May 9 10:00:18 2025 UTC
In this field I am a little short on ignorance, but I've got a surplus of apathy.
-- The Compulsive Splicer
Great News for Fag-bashers!
2001-06-15 18:59:18
Boy, Congress thinks of everything! They added this great section to the recent big-socks education reform bill that protects against discrimination. Specifically, they protect fagbashers from discrimination! Yay! This way, you can have your own anti-homosexual group and be guaranteed your rights!
Okay, the cool thing about how Congress works is that tons of shit gets tacked on to bills. This is known in politics as "being a sneaky lying motherfucker who deserves to be curbstomped". An example of this is the amendment Jesse Helms just put into an education reform bill, which automatically strips federal funding from any school that denies any youth group access based on their views of sexual orientation.
It's specifically designed for the Boy Scouts, of course. Here's the deal about the Boy Scouts:
I was a Boy Scout, and I'm very happy I was. I went to camp, learned a lot of things, learned politics and survival and swimming, did social things, and it was all good. I grew a lot from it. I think most people who were in the Boy Scouts had similar experiences.
But the Boy Scouts are also a major pillar of the tacky Disneyland-looking structure that is the Church of Latter Day Saints. The LDS church is really big on Boy Scouts - it's very scary how intensive they are about it. The LDS, they're not so big on smoking pole, and they have a lot of clout in the Boy Scouts. So they push the Boy Scouts into banning homosexuality. I assert that, except for the Mormon troops, no one really enforced or cared about the homosexuality thing. In fact, there was a lot of protest and anger when Fawn Featherstone, head fucker of Mormon Boy Scouts (and high muckety muck among the LDS and the BSA), tried to lay his fagbashing crap on the kids. They shifted uncomfortably, they wanted to walk out, and they sure didn't believe him.
But Jesse Helms is just as much of a tarantula-headed nogoodnik, and is intent on combatting "the organized lesbians and homosexuals in this country of ours." Obsess much, Jesse? I hate to tell you this, but North Carolina's upside-down pink research triangle ain't exactly going to back you on this.
Um, am I rambling? I'm almost done, honest.
So, a lot of schools are not okay with the Boy Scouts' policy of discrimination against gays. The BSA can't change it, because the Mormons have them by the purse-strings. Instead, they put pressure on Congress to save them. Congress does this is in the most blind fashion possible.
And now there's a really dumb law, coming soon to a theatre near you.
So, I know that a good number of our readers are still in high school. Guys, here's what I'd like you to do. Go to your clubs group thing and start a club.
Call it the "Short-sighted Government Guaranteed No-Gays" club. The purpose of the club should be, specifically, to ban homosexuals. Threaten your school district that they'll lose funding if they don't allow the club! And let them use the classrooms! And, uh, let you jump up and down on the tables! And make them buy you pizza!
Then start being real assholes about it. Demand to put up signs in the quad that say "We Like To Discriminate Against Gays And You Can't Stop Us" and, while you're at it, "Punx Not Dead" and "Fuck the Police". And if they take down the sign, sue the fuck out of them!
And tell your vice-principal that Pigdog sent you!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
If you broke into Pigdog's top sekrit headquarters, spying on their mysterious mix of weird science and old-skool geekiness, you'd overhear this conversation: (More...)