Build Date: Fri Mar 27 10:00:09 2026 UTC
Maximum strength opiates barely dull the buzzsaw katzenjammering in my head...
-- Ratsnatcher
Vampires are killing our homeless people!
1998-11-12 00:55:00
Dear Police, Media: Thanks for telling us that we had an evil vampire slasher stalking the streets of San Francisco, slitting the throats of homeless people, drinking their blood, and painting occult symbols around the crime scene. Are there any OTHER slashers we should know about still out there? Would you bother to tell us?
What really scares me is the fact that really horrible things are going on all the time, and the police and the media don't even bother to report them. There's all sorts of "Jack the Ripper" type killers and stuff, probably roving around in your own neighborhood, but you'll never know, until maybe it's too late...
The media only tells us about these kinds of things when (if?) the police actually catch these freaks. I guess so that the police look good, or not to "panic" us...? I don't know.
One time, a fucking BOMB went off right outside my girlfriend's apartment. It VAPORIZED one of those large metal "fortress" payphones. All that remained were some small metal chunks. The police zoomed in and sealed off the whole street during their investigation. One of the them said that the bomb was likely to have been set off by remote control--perhaps wired to explode when someone called that particular phone!! Think about that the next time you hear a payphone ringing!
I kept looking all week for a story about this bombing to show up in the news somehow--at least in the police sheet--but there was NOTHING! If people are setting big bombs off in Berkeley, I want to know about it!
And if there are vampire slashers walking around killing homeless people all the time I want to know about that too! Apparently, that's exactly what's been happening...

T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
Australian Troops Set for Days of Debauchery to the Tunes of Kylie Minogue
This weekend Australian troops in East Timor will be able to put their feet up and push all the images of mass graves and charred remains from their minds as they relax to the giddy melodies of Kylie Minogue - including exclusive unplugged performances in the militia-ravaged and blood-spattered border towns of Balibo and Suai. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)