Build Date: Fri Mar 29 15:30:03 2024 UTC
[My vote] is not wasted. I am standing up and saying you can NOT deceive me. Perhaps others will notice and join me.
-- Johnnie Royale
Hire This Bad Kid Now!
1998-12-08 02:32:00
OBJECTIVE: Find a job where the people I work with aren't all against me. Also, I'd like to find a job where the boss doesn't pick on me. I'm thinking of someday being my own boss. I want to make a lot of money. I need some creative space so I can make things. I want to have the extra time to enjoy the things I'm interested in, like partying and seeing some bands....I am very handy with a hammer, but I think my calling is in sales or customer relations. I'm a people person. I spent a week with my step dad in Arizona and he taught me how to weld. I've become very interested lately in pyrotechnics. Maybe a job starting fires would be cool. Hey, I'm flexible. I just need a goddammed job. If I don't get a job soon, I'll be forced to take up that offer that recruiter from the ARMY gave me....
....This is the only picture I could find of me. I love guns. I have almost a hundred. I'm stockpiling them in case the pigs try and take them from me. I'm currently trying to find someone who will trade me something for a Finnish anti-tank gun I found at a flea market last week. I don't have any cash, but I have a Chevy Citation with a sun roof and gold rims I'm perfectly willing to trade him for. I'm hoping it will go through. He told me that my car was worth its weight in steel and he'll call me and I don't have to worry about calling him. It will be cool if it works out. Hey, don't let my parole officer know I have guns. I'd get a violation of parole charge and have to go back to the joint. That's lame. I don't really feel like I have to conform to that rule. They said it was armed robbery. That's bullshit. I was just asking the clerk for some change and my gun dropped out of my shirt....
T O P S T O R I E S
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
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Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
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Health and Human Services officials spend a year on pot
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If you've ever wondered what actual bullshit looks like, just check the back side of Lee Meyers' decommissioned police cruiser. Lee chopped the top of the passenger side of the car off so he could take his full-grown Watusi bull, named Howdy Doody, for joy rides around his home town of Neligh, Nebraska. Since the car doesn't have bathroom facilities Howdy Doody just craps all over the back and side of the car whenever he feels the need to let one go. (More...)
Self-righteous assholes block highway to Burning Man
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
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Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
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Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)