Build Date: Tue Jun 9 03:30:05 2026 UTC
I think I need to develop a new character flaw or two.
-- Johnnie Royale
Hire This Bad Kid Now!
1998-12-08 02:32:00
OBJECTIVE: Find a job where the people I work with aren't all against me. Also, I'd like to find a job where the boss doesn't pick on me. I'm thinking of someday being my own boss. I want to make a lot of money. I need some creative space so I can make things. I want to have the extra time to enjoy the things I'm interested in, like partying and seeing some bands....I am very handy with a hammer, but I think my calling is in sales or customer relations. I'm a people person. I spent a week with my step dad in Arizona and he taught me how to weld. I've become very interested lately in pyrotechnics. Maybe a job starting fires would be cool. Hey, I'm flexible. I just need a goddammed job. If I don't get a job soon, I'll be forced to take up that offer that recruiter from the ARMY gave me....
....This is the only picture I could find of me. I love guns. I have almost a hundred. I'm stockpiling them in case the pigs try and take them from me. I'm currently trying to find someone who will trade me something for a Finnish anti-tank gun I found at a flea market last week. I don't have any cash, but I have a Chevy Citation with a sun roof and gold rims I'm perfectly willing to trade him for. I'm hoping it will go through. He told me that my car was worth its weight in steel and he'll call me and I don't have to worry about calling him. It will be cool if it works out. Hey, don't let my parole officer know I have guns. I'd get a violation of parole charge and have to go back to the joint. That's lame. I don't really feel like I have to conform to that rule. They said it was armed robbery. That's bullshit. I was just asking the clerk for some change and my gun dropped out of my shirt....
T O P S T O R I E S
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
What do Computers and Skateboards have in Common?
They both sprang from the mind of John Mauchly that's what. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
