Build Date: Fri Oct 9 20:31:48 2026 UTC
The only way to settle this is with a bear-fight cage match.
-- Donkey Hotey
Click Here To Purchase More Votes At Passport.Com!
2002-04-18 12:36:09
Two terms I've seen recently that have caught my attention: "E-government" and "Identity Theft." It looks like Mark Forman has recently declared that they're considering using Microsoft Passport technology to identify citizens. Why do I find this less than comforting?
Look, I'm totally in favor of increasing the tech level of government. There's no benefit to having antiquated technology in the way things work. E-voting should happen, for instance. Nonetheless, this whole thing has gotten me very frowny.
Why?
Could it be that I don't trust Passport? When I think Passport, the first thing that comes to mind is Hotmail. Hotmail used to be really cool until it got bought by Microsoft. Microsoft moved to transition it to mesh with its Suck-Ass No-Good Technology Protocol, and now the integration is complete. My favorite thing is the recent push to get people to pay for their free email by downgrading service and offering improvements for money. "Our service is bad, so give us money!". I can't wait for my rights to be governed likewise.
Could it be the whole Identity Theft thing? Maybe a secret benefit of the inefficiency of old-school dead-tree-based government is that intentional forgeries get caught more easily. Probably not, though. I mean, you can put together protection from that kind of thing. You can. But Microsoft probably won't.
Could it be that this whole thing is hitting my brain on the same day as I find out that the White House is now restructuring the military to spend more time working on Homeland Security? As my secret shiny hero Nivek Ogre tells us, "The police used to be watching over the people, now they're watching the people." I don't mean to imply that the current regime has an agenda of minimizing the privacy and freedom of the populace, but THE CURRENT REGIME HAS AN AGENDA OF MINIMIZING THE PRIVACY AND FREEDOM OF THE POPULACE.
Oops. I didn't mean to imply that. And, to make it worse, I'm putting buzzwords in quotes. I must be a total fucking dork. Please, for my own sake, kick my ass now.
Could it be that I'm secretly a Luddite, with nightmarish dreams of technology gone awry, like there will be some kind of evil "e-government" virus that will turn into a dinosaur and kill kids or something? No.
I think it's just because I would prefer my "e-government" to be based on grassroots, free software technology. Votezilla. Copylefted e-trial software. Ideally, the Senate and the House would get into a flame war over emacs vs. vi.
Wait, I've gotten onto a tangent, I think.
Did I mention that I'm very "emo"?

T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Canadians Not So Different After All
Nobody wants to be prejudiced. But sometimes you can be biased and not even realize it. I think many Americans are biased in this way against Canadians. I never really stopped to think about it, but I myself used to be this way. I guess I thought that Canadians were "stuck-up" — you know, smarter and better cultured than us. But then I got educated about Canadia. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
My experiment is a failure. Rockstar-and-Robitussin tastes like day-after-Halloween bile. I'm trying to choke down enough to discover the effects, but no matter what those are one thing is certain at the outset: what I have discovered is not a Beverage, but a pale green and angry iced abomination.
You were right: science is not for the weak of will nor stomach. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)