Build Date: Thu Oct 9 07:10:13 2025 UTC
Gentle Reader, The Word will leap on you with leopard man iron claws, it will cut off fingers and toes like an opportunist land crab, it will coil round your thighs like a bushmaster and inject a shot glass of rancid ectoplasm.
-- WSB
Click Here To Purchase More Votes At Passport.Com!
2002-04-18 12:36:09
Two terms I've seen recently that have caught my attention: "E-government" and "Identity Theft." It looks like Mark Forman has recently declared that they're considering using Microsoft Passport technology to identify citizens. Why do I find this less than comforting?
Look, I'm totally in favor of increasing the tech level of government. There's no benefit to having antiquated technology in the way things work. E-voting should happen, for instance. Nonetheless, this whole thing has gotten me very frowny.
Why?
Could it be that I don't trust Passport? When I think Passport, the first thing that comes to mind is Hotmail. Hotmail used to be really cool until it got bought by Microsoft. Microsoft moved to transition it to mesh with its Suck-Ass No-Good Technology Protocol, and now the integration is complete. My favorite thing is the recent push to get people to pay for their free email by downgrading service and offering improvements for money. "Our service is bad, so give us money!". I can't wait for my rights to be governed likewise.
Could it be the whole Identity Theft thing? Maybe a secret benefit of the inefficiency of old-school dead-tree-based government is that intentional forgeries get caught more easily. Probably not, though. I mean, you can put together protection from that kind of thing. You can. But Microsoft probably won't.
Could it be that this whole thing is hitting my brain on the same day as I find out that the White House is now restructuring the military to spend more time working on Homeland Security? As my secret shiny hero Nivek Ogre tells us, "The police used to be watching over the people, now they're watching the people." I don't mean to imply that the current regime has an agenda of minimizing the privacy and freedom of the populace, but THE CURRENT REGIME HAS AN AGENDA OF MINIMIZING THE PRIVACY AND FREEDOM OF THE POPULACE.
Oops. I didn't mean to imply that. And, to make it worse, I'm putting buzzwords in quotes. I must be a total fucking dork. Please, for my own sake, kick my ass now.
Could it be that I'm secretly a Luddite, with nightmarish dreams of technology gone awry, like there will be some kind of evil "e-government" virus that will turn into a dinosaur and kill kids or something? No.
I think it's just because I would prefer my "e-government" to be based on grassroots, free software technology. Votezilla. Copylefted e-trial software. Ideally, the Senate and the House would get into a flame war over emacs vs. vi.
Wait, I've gotten onto a tangent, I think.
Did I mention that I'm very "emo"?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
Mr. Bad, Tjames Madison, and various other Pigdoggers of all stripe take on the makers of JERKCITY in a PIGDOG INTERVIEW DEATHMATCH. (More...)
What do Computers and Skateboards have in Common?
They both sprang from the mind of John Mauchly that's what. (More...)
Canadia Revealed: A Brief Guide to a Large Country
Recently Pigdog has received many letters from readers who are apparently puzzled and upset by our regular coverage of the mysterious nation north of our border, Canadia. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
