Build Date: Sun Jul 12 03:10:09 2026 UTC
All Bad People of the Future had shitty lives as Miserable People of the Past.
-- Johnnie Royale
Click Here To Purchase More Votes At Passport.Com!
2002-04-18 12:36:09
Two terms I've seen recently that have caught my attention: "E-government" and "Identity Theft." It looks like Mark Forman has recently declared that they're considering using Microsoft Passport technology to identify citizens. Why do I find this less than comforting?
Look, I'm totally in favor of increasing the tech level of government. There's no benefit to having antiquated technology in the way things work. E-voting should happen, for instance. Nonetheless, this whole thing has gotten me very frowny.
Why?
Could it be that I don't trust Passport? When I think Passport, the first thing that comes to mind is Hotmail. Hotmail used to be really cool until it got bought by Microsoft. Microsoft moved to transition it to mesh with its Suck-Ass No-Good Technology Protocol, and now the integration is complete. My favorite thing is the recent push to get people to pay for their free email by downgrading service and offering improvements for money. "Our service is bad, so give us money!". I can't wait for my rights to be governed likewise.
Could it be the whole Identity Theft thing? Maybe a secret benefit of the inefficiency of old-school dead-tree-based government is that intentional forgeries get caught more easily. Probably not, though. I mean, you can put together protection from that kind of thing. You can. But Microsoft probably won't.
Could it be that this whole thing is hitting my brain on the same day as I find out that the White House is now restructuring the military to spend more time working on Homeland Security? As my secret shiny hero Nivek Ogre tells us, "The police used to be watching over the people, now they're watching the people." I don't mean to imply that the current regime has an agenda of minimizing the privacy and freedom of the populace, but THE CURRENT REGIME HAS AN AGENDA OF MINIMIZING THE PRIVACY AND FREEDOM OF THE POPULACE.
Oops. I didn't mean to imply that. And, to make it worse, I'm putting buzzwords in quotes. I must be a total fucking dork. Please, for my own sake, kick my ass now.
Could it be that I'm secretly a Luddite, with nightmarish dreams of technology gone awry, like there will be some kind of evil "e-government" virus that will turn into a dinosaur and kill kids or something? No.
I think it's just because I would prefer my "e-government" to be based on grassroots, free software technology. Votezilla. Copylefted e-trial software. Ideally, the Senate and the House would get into a flame war over emacs vs. vi.
Wait, I've gotten onto a tangent, I think.
Did I mention that I'm very "emo"?

T O P S T O R I E S
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)