Build Date: Fri Feb 7 11:10:18 2025 UTC
Man! I didn't even know they _had_ retarded monkey whorehouses. Cool!
-- Mr. Bad
Shake It, But Don't Break It
2002-03-02 04:18:40
Many kind readers have expressed a curiousity in what, exactly, boomshakalicious means. It is difficult to describe, but I'll try. It is so much more than just a word. It defines a certain Je Ne C'est Quoi or pizazz. It is a feeling, an attitude, a way of life. It's the thing that makes you dance to James Brown.
Boomshakalicious is comprised of three root words: Boom - to blow up, erupt or explode; Shaka - to shake, shimmy or wiggle; and Licious - tasty, flavorful or sumptuous. Boomshakalicious = explosive earth-shattering delicacy.
Very few have actually been able to fully embody boomshakaliciosity. It is a subliminal sense that requires a great deal of perspicacity. It's sexy, yet sophisticated. Bold, yet unassuming. Refined, yet obnoxious. Boomshakalicious is a feeling you get when that Special One you're hot for starts giving you the vibe. It is the sound you hear when a Hottie walks by (boomshaka-boomshaka-boom). It's the physical description in your personal ad when you are neither petite nor muscular. It has the power to attract people even when you ignore them ever so lovingly. It also has the power to frighten people away if you're not careful. It is the delicate balance between grace and obstreperousness.
You know you're boomshakalicious when: no matter how unattractive you feel, your friends continuously expound on your sex appeal without being prompted. You get more come ons at the market wearing sweats and curlers than dressed to the nines at The Next Big Thing. Nobody is surprised that you like porn. Offering someone a cocktail is boomshakalicious. Offering them Orgasm Cream is not. (Boomshakalicious people are not frigid.) Wearing a long sweater with no clothes underneath is. Showing more than an inch of butt crack is not. A trip to Vegas is. A trip to Guantanamo Bay is not. Cher is. Sonny, not.
Famous boomshakalicious people are Marilyn Monroe, Tina Turner and Mae West. Elvis is, of course, boomshakalicious. Even Jimmy Durante had a little boomshak going on. However, John Tesh has no boomshakaliciousness. Any item of clothing that resembles an endangered species or reveals a belly button is boomshakalicious. Uniforms are definitely boomshakalicious, especially doctor, nurse and police uniforms. Izods are not boomshakalicious. Neither is khaki (unless it is in the form of some type of uniform). Plaid is not always boomshakalicious, but kilts and catholic school girl uniforms are.
If it were a film category, it would house such classics as Beach Blanket Bingo, The Swinger and Viva Las Vegas. Boomshakalicious cannot be a music category. For if a certain song makes you FEEL boomshakalicious, then it is, to you at least. However, anything by George Clinton and/or Bootsy Collins is certainly boomshakalicious. Oh, and there's this DJ named Neel N. Kizmiaz - he is supercaliboomshakalicious.
France is boomshakalicious, but Canadia is not.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Datelined "Historic Mariposa," the fateful press release came in like an angry wind, announcing the release of a self-produced album, "Ordinary Hero," by occasional Pigdog contributor Thom Stark, in the language and tone of a Major Event, setting off a brief firestorm around the pigdog mailing list. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
It was Friday night at the Casa de Baron and everything was in place -- a group of friends had assembled, people were setting things on fire in the backyard, and a Ferry Corsten double-live CD was playing on the stereo. Everything was in place to make further scientific advances in beverage research and leisure technology. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
War on Terror produces excess inventory of doomsday ready laptops
The War on Terror has resulted in a rush of new technology useful to the general population. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)