Build Date: Tue Sep 29 03:21:53 2026 UTC
Everything wants to be Free.
-- Ragboy
Behold the Assman!
Everyone's Favorite! The Assman! Hooray for the Assman!
Pigdog Journal Articles
2024-04-03
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass.
2002-05-02
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them.
2002-04-18
OK, this is the worst Assman ever. There will never be anything worse than this. Consider this category condemned, with extreme prejudice.
2002-02-05
Once again, dredged from the slushpot of discarded Pigdog Journal article categories comes an old favorite made new again: THE ASSMAN AWARD.
1999-11-05
Mahir is looking for that special woman... or two or three or as many he can get. Mahir is a journalist in Turkey. He has a house, a car, an accordian, and a mobile phone. (Telephone number 90 532 31235 50) He wants women to come and visit him. He likes sex.
1999-08-16
It's a fairly well know fact, that professional wrestling styles itself as a social barometer, as a way of staying popular and keeping it's soap opera story lines flowing seamlessly. Example: in the 70's during the Iranian crisis, we had the Iron Sheik. Flash forward to the edge of the millenium. What does pro wrestling have to give us? Mr. Ass, of course!
1999-08-16
Mr. Bad asks, "Can someone be an Assman if they don't call themselves 'Assman'?" Sure, this may not seem an important distinction, any more than calling a Mennonite "Amish," but it's CRUCIAL to the Assmen themselves. And sometimes, you're an Assman and you don't even know it...
1999-07-29
I swear to god, they're just JUMPING RIGHT IN THE BOAT nowadays. Back in the day, when I first started searching the web wide and far for Assmen, they were sort of hard to spot. You had to look between the lines back then, back in, ah, May. But now the wily Assman senses the potential for cheap, pointless celebrity! Something all Assmen crave innately!
1999-07-12
This site is so mean that I paused for a moment as I started to record it into the Pigdog Data Vault here at Spock Mountain Research Labs: should I put this thing up? Should I give this nasty topfuglypeeps@yahoo.com person credibility?
1999-06-16
Examine the plight of the poor Assman. Left to his own devices the Assman will attempt to express himself through whatever means he has access to. In the case of web-faring Assmen, this often means a web page, usually a simple affair telling some facts about the Assman and the kinds of things which interest the Assman.
1999-05-27
I used to think that nobody could possibly call themselves something like "Assman," even in a "Hey looka me everybody -- I gotta lampshade onna my head!" self-deprecating, party animal kind of way. But it's true. LOTS of people want to be the Assman. They probably even live closer to you than you THINK, friend!
Offsite links shared by staff writers
2006-03-14
David John Verrow, 46, was booked into Santa Rita Jail on a laundry list of crimes after he hit two parked cars, dashed from his truck and barricaded himself in his room. Once there, he used an ax to hack his way into an attic crawl space -- only to fall through the ceiling into the arms of the police below.
2002-07-24
Experience the healing benefits of a glacier fresh cool-down spa treatment for that most deserving of body parts - your butt!
2002-06-17
Use your ass wisely.
2002-03-19
'Here at ShitBegone, I know your ass is important.'
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
