Build Date: Wed Sep 30 18:50:35 2026 UTC
It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet.
-- G.W. Bush, Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000
Gonzo ToothBrush Tech
2000-06-16 20:43:10
21st century technology transforms the world of dental hygiene, as unsuspecting users find they've purchased not just an electic toothbrush -- but the InterPlak RTB2.
This crazy-sophisticated piece of dental engineering comes complete with the RTB2 Instruction Manual, a technical document cautioning technology novices not to misuse the power in its circuitry. Heed well its warning about activating the InterPlak RTB2. "[E]specially when children are present, basic safety precautions should be followed."
Humanity's pact with the technical world takes a sinister turn when it cautions about a series of important hypotheticals. Home users are reminded not to reach for the re-charging cord if it's fallen into a tub of water while still plugged in.
In addition....
• Do not use while bathing.• Never use while sleeping or drowsy.
• Close supervision is necessary when this product is used by, on, or near children or invalids.
• Individuals with heart problems should check with their physician prior to using the RTB2, and should always exercise particular care with any oral hygiene device.
Okay, granted, some of the instructions are bureaucratic overkill. The first step, charging the power supply, reminds users to first "Be sure the electrical outlet is functioning." And step three -- "Apply toothpaste...and put brush head in mouth" -- probably is a little obvious. But if you think you've bought an innocent electrical gizmo, you're mistaken. "This equipment generates, uses, and can radiate radio frequency energy and if not installed and used in accordance with instructions, may cause harmful interference to radio communications." MacGyver could use it to jam spy transmissions.
By the way, casual users shouldn't mess with a different brand of battery. "Explosion may occur if other type battery is replaced."
The powerful dynamo also "should not be placed in municipal waste systems." Further down it explains that under various state and local laws, "it is illegal to dispose of this battery into our municipal waste stream. Please call 1-800-8-BATTERY for information."
After perusing the RTB2 manual, it becomes clear that the Feds are riding rough-shod over the rights of Americans who want to keep and bear dental equipment. There's even a full page on how the RTB2 complies with FCC restrictions on electric-powered toothbrushing devices. In this day and age AOL can merge with Time-Warner into a world-dominating monopoly -- but just try marketing an unauthorized toothbrushing device and see how far you get.
At this point you're probably saying "For cripes sakes, its a toothbrush -- not a lifestyle choice." But don't be a Luddite. Try to catch the beat of the new world brush...
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Suru and I were at the local supermarket recently when we found ourselves in the booze isle, surrounded by rum. Banana rum, coconut rum, vanilla rum, unfiltered run, Jamaican rum, rum, rum, and more rum. We bought one of each and started experimenting... (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Extreme pimpin' under pressure ... how to tell a playa from a sucka ... keeping your hoes under control ... tips for mackin' success from Pigdog's own Terrordrone. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
