Build Date: Wed Jan 7 00:20:04 2026 UTC
Coors Light is not a beer... it is crime against humanity.
-- Johnnie Royale
Crazy-Ass German Linux Distribution... with GUITAR
1999-06-14 19:31:00
Hey! I always say that S.u.S.E. is the default weird Linux distribution, because it's got GERMAN CRAZINESS built into every CD. But now I'm not sure: MANDRAKE may be the new way to go!
So, check it: Linux Mandrake, right? RIGHT?! Are you with me on this one? This is THE NEW creepy freakazoid nutty ballbuster Linux distribution. Why?
Because CHECK THIS OUT: they are FRENCH. French Linux! Not since the days of crazy ass Kheops Linux have the French had the guts to put out a Linux distro. They even call it "Linux Mandrake," the French way to say "Mandrake Fucking Linux!" Man, you just gotta LOVE THOSE PEOPLE.
Then, OK, number TWO is that they merged with/absorbed BeroLinux, which was a crazy GERMAN distribution. So that's, like, extra-crazy franco-german experience! Wee haw! Big fat French guys bossin around the German freako programmer d00ds. I love it!
But the best part -- the really kick-ass part -- is that everything is optimized with PGCC for the AMD K6. No shit! Sure, they have Pentium optimizations, too, but who cares? Who uses a piece of shit Pentium anymore? AMD K6 is where it's AT. And Mandrake has it! Oh man!
I guess the other cool thing is that they keep pretty up-to-date with the new software like KDE and Gnome. But that's not as cool as the other stuff. Oh, and there's not really a guitar involved, but that would be a good idea, doncha think? Gotta figure out a way to work in guitars somehow.
Anyways, check out LINUX MANDRAKE at the following URL. Order it and put it on your funky cold AMD K6 computer and then you too can say "Beaujolais, Linux Mandrake!"
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
