I want to kill bugs, sir!


Yellow Journalism Is Alive & Kicking in PA
1999-11-05 13:13:24

Most of the time "ugly" is a state of mind. To surpass that state of mind, you have to encourage the ugly person to reach beyond their ugliness - this is what the liquor is for. If that doesn't work, you'll need to look very hard for the inner beauty of the ugly person - this is what the paper bag is for.
-- MLP


Everyone who participated was in agreement. The cops, the promoters, the audience, and even the people arrested. Everyone, that is, with the exception of Nicole Weisensee or the Philadelphia Daily News. But hey, why should she let the truth get in the way of some creative writing?

Here's what happened: Last weekend, a promoter decided to throw a big satanic warehouse party. The party attracted a lot of low-brows, who in turn acted with slightly less intelligence than monkeys pelting one another with their own feces. Enter onto the scene the cops. A melee involving various explosives, a lead singer screaming "Kill Them", and pipe bombs ensued.

A few minutes later, everything quieted down. Arrests were made,and implements of destruction confiscated. At this point, Nicole Weisensee stumbled onto the scene like a drunken wino that was just given a dose of Angel Dust.

Sensing a story that would play on the unfounded fears of her readers, Ms. Weisensee wrote up her story in a twisted, sensationalistic manner that would make even the Weekly World News blush. You see this wasn't just a satanic Halloween party for Cro-Magnon's, in her mind this was a RAVE. You read right, A RAVE. Now despite the fact that no rave on THE PLANET would have pipe-bombs, semi-automatics, or a live BAND who encourage the frenzied audience to rip the cops to shreds, that didn't get in the way of Nicole. She wants people to believe that these events are filled with sex-crazed people from Mississippi who want to feed kids drugs, have their way with them sexually, kill them, and eat their corpses.

We would like to suggest that Ms. Weisensee immediately resign her position, and freelance her talents of fear-mongering to either The National Enquirer or write scripts for professional wrestling, where she will be far more appreciated.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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