Build Date: Sun Jun 7 08:20:05 2026 UTC
Both porn and Mars seems to get you guys all hot and bothered.
-- Johnnie Royale
This Is All Herb Caen's Fault
1999-07-15 00:43:32
What the HELL is wrong with the pinheads who run San Francisco these days?
It's not like anyone in California takes this no-smoking-in-bars law seriously anyway. Last time I was in Los Angeles, for instance, the Cat and Fiddle in Hollywood was PACKED TO THE GILLS with smokers, and the bar even had ashtrays on every table! Har har! Great law!
So now some big-shoulder fancy pantsy San Francisco city attorney comes along and decides to sue a bartender for allowing people to smoke. Did anyone even vote for this law? Did they even put it to a vote? Now some hard-working schmoe is gonna lose his job because someone SMOKED in a BAR.
San Francisco: the city that looks the other way when people start a club where you can buy and sell pot but if somebody smokes in a fucking bar: "KILL him! Pull his ARMS OFF!" San Francisco: the city that hires convicted drunk drivers to drive its busses. San Francisco: the city that made it illegal to give coffee and doughnuts to homeless people. San Francisco: the city that couldn't decide if PUBLIC TOILETS were worth spending money on.
San Francisco: the city that never thinks.
Fuck you, San Francisco. Just for this, I'm NEVER moving back.
T O P S T O R I E S
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
A Treatise Prepared for the Gallup Organization on the Symbolism of the Scarab
Well dahlings, the response to my new tarot column has been quite overwhelming. I got three whole pieces of mail requesting my arcane insight. One asked why blogs suck so much, and one was a completely incomprehensible tale of bears shitting random numbers in the woods — I am fairly certain it was a cryptographic allegory. Howsomever, only ONE of the inquiries was accompanied by a crisp ten-dollar bill, and so it's the Gallup Organization that will this week reap the benefit of my wicked pack of cards. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
