Build Date: Mon May 20 18:00:06 2024 UTC

When we get to legitimate threats of physical violence... you'll know that we are starting phase two.
-- Johnnie Royale

All Stocks ON SALE!

by Miles Standish

2000-04-14 18:29:05

Hey folks, have a stock you've been looking for? Want to get in on the stock market, but don't think you've got what it takes? Well, if you're thinking of getting in on stocks, get in now, because you won't want to miss this limited opportunity for BARGAIN BASEMENT PRICES on all stocks - including coveted HIGH-TECH STOCKS!

The prices are so low, we're practically giving them away!

Is this the start of a big crazy bad depression? Or maybe the end of a big crazy bad boom? Is it inflation? Is the Asian markets' collapse finally bringing us down?

Crap, I actually don't care. If you were saving up stocks to like buy a home or retire or something, you're screwed. You should have like turned all your stock into cash, and then spent it all on booze, women and fancy statuettes, like I did! It's like the allegory of the ant and the grasshopper, except that the ant gets stepped on and the grasshopper moves to Florida!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

T O P   S T O R I E S

Burn them ALL! ALL of THEM!

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G