Build Date: Tue Jul 8 07:31:25 2025 UTC
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober.
-- William Butler Yeats
Happy Birthday Bill
1999-12-16 11:59:45
Today marks the birth date of the late great Bill Hicks. Had he lived, he would have been 38. To mark this occasion Hicks' partner-in-crime, Kevin Booth has paid tribute to his fallen friend, with a broadcast of the set that made David Letterman cower in fear.
Shortly before he shuffled off this mortal coil, Bill Hicks did his twelfth appearance on David Letterman's show, with a set that left the audience in tears of laughter, and a better understanding of how the world is. Later that day, Hicks received a call from one of David's flunkies. He explained that when the show moved to CBS, part of the requirement of the transfer was that Dave and his entire staff would have to snip off their balls, and personally feed them to a bunch of rednecks. And while it was Letterman's show, it was Westinghouse's network. After the Starchamber viewed Hick's material, three Mongolian enforcers were dispatched to Dave's office to make sure that their prized neutered corporate lapdog was still loyal.
In the end, Hicks' monologue was cut, and Dave made a few more bucks happily swallowing down three servings of Mongolian Salty White Oyster Surprise. So tune in and hear Bill's banned set, along with his appearance on Howard Stern's radio show. You'll never be able to watch Letterman the same way again (if at all).
Report filed from the desk of Arizona Bay Lifeguard Station 1
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
Another Spocktail brought to you by the selfless beveratologists of Spock Mountain Research Labs. You do the math, we'll do the SCIENCE! (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)