Build Date: Wed Apr 2 08:00:55 2025 UTC
if EVERYONE were insane, i might have more fun.
-- rotten elf
Ass play stops heart attacks
2024-04-03 17:49:00
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass.
The details are covered in the report Instantly Converting Atrial Fibrillation into Sinus Rhythm by a Digital Rectal Exam on a 29-year-Old Male.
The paper states that Vagal maneuvers cause increase in vagal tone, which has been shown to slow many types supraventricular tachycardia, such as atrial fibrillation (AF). However, the conversion of AF to sinus rhythm is usually not associated with vagal manuvers. Thus, AF is classically treated with medication and electrical cardioversion. Here, we present a 29-year-old male with no cardiovascular history and a low atherosclerotic risk profile who developed AF which converted into sinus rhythm immediately after a digital rectal exam. The patient remained asymptomatic after a 3-month follow-up. This implies that the digital rectal exam can be considered as an additional attempt to convert AF to sinus rhythm in AF patients.
To break that down:
"Vagal maneuvers cause increase in vagal tone" -- "vagal maneuvers" means massaging certain areas around the heart and neck.
"has been shown to slow many types supraventricular tachycardia" -- this type of massage can help to slow down a fast or erratic heartbeat.
"such as atrial fibrillation (AF)" -- a type of erratic heartbeat.
"However, the conversion of AF to sinus rhythm is usually not associated with vagal manuvers." -- you usually can't get someone with an erratic heartbeat to return to a normal rhythm just by massaging their neck.
"Thus, AF is classically treated with medication and electrical cardioversion" -- since massage is no good, if someone has an erratic heartbeat we give them drugs or zap them with electricity.
"Here, we present a 29-year-old male with no cardiovascular history and a low atherosclerotic risk profile who developed AF which converted into sinus rhythm" -- we had a 29 year old male patient who had an erratic heartbeat and we fixed it.
"immediately after a digital rectal exam" -- I stuck one of my digits (fingers) up his ass to see what was going on up there. Since he has an irregular heartbeat before I finger-banged him and a normal heartbeat after, finger-banging his ass is what fixed him.
"The patient remained asymptomatic after a 3-month follow-up." -- the patient continued to have a normal heartbeat when he came in for a follow-up visit 3 months later.
"This implies that the digital rectal exam can be considered as an additional attempt to convert AF to sinus rhythm in AF patients." -- If you have a patient with an irregular heartbeat, try sticking a finger up their ass and see what happens.
Dr. Ruan made the discovery while working at the New York Hospital Medical Center of Queens/Weil Cornell Medical College Affiliated Hospital, Department of Internal Medicine in Flushing, NY.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
When you've been up all night sampling other Spocktails and guzzling absinthe, you need a morning pick-me-up with some KICK. Time for a tall glass of Blurry Sharp Meltdown! (More...)
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
