Build Date: Sat Feb 15 17:30:48 2025 UTC
Mississippi should teach their high school kids not to get in cars piloted by huge, sweaty, satan-worshipping freaks on mescaline.
-- Ratsnatcher
Third Annual Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest!!!!!!
2000-12-11 16:15:37
That's right, folks! It's back again, better than before, like Rocky VI or some shit. The Third Annual Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest! You can practically smell the Christmas Magic!
Man, it's like chestnuts roasting on an open fire around here at Pigdog Central. We're getting our little submission elves all in line, hanging our stockings by the water heater, and making ready to take your fabulous entries in this once-again fabulous contest.
The Pigdog Journal Annual Christmas Essay Contest has become a HOLIDAY TRADITION on the Innurnet -- even more than the science spam about Santa Claus kersploding at the speed of light! People young and old, big and small, learn valuable lessons for the whole family about the true meaning of Christmas EVERY YEAR, here at Pigdog Journal, Christmas Ground Zero! We're like one-stop shopping for HOLIDAY GOOD CHEER. We're your X-MAS FUCKING SUPERSTORE, open 24 hours for the holiday season.
Anyhoo, here's the deal: We are now accepting submissions for the new essay contest. This year should be EXPECIALLY EXCITING, since two-time winner and Christmas Essay Contest powerhouse LENNY TUBEROSE will be submitting another fine piece of work. You can check out Lenny's Christmas fancies on the Pigdog Journal Sappy Christmas Shit category page. Beaujolais!
All right, here's the SUPER-OFFICAL RULES, audited by world-famous accounting firm DELOITTE AND TOUCHE for accuracy and fairness!
The winner will get the following SHOWCASE of FABULOUS PRIZES:
That's all there is to it, folks! Fame, success, and warm-hearted holiday wishes can be yours -- they're only a dream away. Enter the Third Annual Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest and make the holidays a family time of sharing and caring.
T O P S T O R I E S
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
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Report from Spiritual Machines
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The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)