Build Date: Thu Nov 6 23:50:16 2025 UTC
Quit being so NANCY. Next you'll be drinking Amstel Light.
-- Ratsnatcher
Internet News Sources Are Poisonous Candy
2002-02-26 17:59:25
In 1969, the Department of Defense, combined with various educational institutions and Al Gore, who was going by his full name "ARPA" at the time, invented the World Wide Web as a way for Bad People of the Future to scream about beer without risk of Communists stealing their thoughts. Then corporate fu><0rs started invoking weird laws like the DMCA, some kind of copyright thing, and anti-defamation laws to shut it all down, First Amendment Bedamned. And it's been working, until Chilling Effects rolled into town.
All kinds of crazy websites have been shut down because of the dreaded cease and desist letter, and anyone who publishes about corporate or commercial culture dreads the day when the black-clad wolverine-gene-infusion enhanced razor-wielding shocktroops will burrow through their front door and use the DMCA to justify killing everyone who knew about the website.
Those who do not publish anything about corporate or commercial culture will not learn anything from this article, except that they should start right now.
Fan sites get shut down. Real and valid protests against misdeeds get SLAPP'ed. Humorless lawyers beat up wisecracking kids. Giant space-beetles burrow through your brain and eat the wet, writhing meat within.
Um, sorry about the excessive science fiction metaphors here. I'm trying to keep the non-publishing people interested. I'll get to the handy information soon, which is that the reason why all of this can happen is because artists, fans, independent journalists, activists and humorists are suckers.
They lack the legal knowledge to fight back, and they lack the cojones to fight, and they lack the scriznilla to get answers.
Until now! The EFF and a variety of sexy law titans put together supah-fly-funky cool-ass website Chilling Effects. The basic formula is this: if you've been given a cease and desist lawyer, you send it to them. They go through it and tell you what your legal rights are. But it gets cooler! They put it up on their site, which means everyone else can find out about their legal rights too, and, on top of it, find out what FUXORS the FUXORS are being. I only wonder what could be done if the FUXOR declared their "Cease and Desist" letter copyrighted, too, to prevent open discourse on their FUXOR-hood.
I love that word. FUXOR is much funnier than "fucker" or even "motherfucker".
FUXOR FUXOR FUXOR! La la la!
Um, wait. I was talking about something. I asked Robert Anton Wilson about all this the other weekend, and he said that the EFF was cool as shit. Well, he said it in a different way, and talked about the Goddess and deserts a lot, but, uh... um... FUXOR. I forget the rest, so go check this hype shit out. Word.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
