Build Date: Tue Jan 21 12:50:20 2025 UTC
I don't care to belong to any social organization which would accept me as a member
-- Groucho Marx
DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! SPAM ASSAULT APPROACHING!!
2000-05-08 16:52:05
Fuckinnnnn' A. Jupiter Communication says that there will be 7.3 billion dollars - that's $7,300,000,000.00 dollars spent on email advertising in 2005 in the US.
Since an email cost about 0.000001 cents each to send, that works out to roughly 730,000,000,000,000 emails or 2,517,241 emails per person per year or about 6,896 ads a day for every person in the US. I don't know about you, but I don't want 7,000 emails a day telling me to where buy spam software, how to great rich quick or offering to find me the woman of my dreams - all now sent with no way to actually contact the vendor. Which is something I don't understand. They spend all this time writing the ads - you know the ones... WITH LOTS OF CAPS - just like Mr. Bad writes - and then because soooooo many people hate the spammers guts and make that point exceeding clear to them in reply emails and faxs and shit, the spammers have responded buy making it impossible for you to actually contact them.
Anyway, I don't know about you, but I don't want 7,000 spam emails a day clogging up my mailbox like the arteries of some 500 pound sausage eating central European socialist lackey. Hell, the Pigdog-list is bad enough... the Internet is less then 20 years old and growing geometrically and I already got more unintelligible email then I can handle.
I hate the thought of turning this problem over to the Feds... cause you know whatever solution they come up with will only help the Man and fuck the little guys. I'm thinking that this is the golden age of email - and one that we will at some point look back and fondly remember.
Goddamn Fucking Spammers!!! like Daisy once said. "Aargh! It makes me want to crack skulls!"
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
