Pop Singer to Lead NATO Peace Talks in Balkans
1999-06-04 12:07:43

Crazy But True
God damn it, this is Pigdog... proud home of Literalist Fuckhead Pills - (now made with Angst BTW) - so we take everything very seriously and without humor - you shithead you. Now go away.
-- Johnnie Royale


In a shocking move, but one bound to be popular with youngsters all over the world, NATO high command has decided to place world famous pop entertainer Michael Jackson in charge of peace talks with Serbian officials aimed at ending strife in that region.

Obviously this is a calculated move by NATO officials to gain popularity for their flagging cause, though you have to wonder about the wisdom of such an action. Jacko's record sales are, let's face it, not what they used to be. His popularity has taken a huge downturn since all those little boys turned up with their tales of Jackson's fetish for playing "Naked Movie Star" and other weird games. At first glance this seems like a desperate move by NATO to do something - anything - to add a little star power to their unpopular war against Milosevic, sort of like that one year on Saturday Night Live when Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey Jr. joined the cast.

On the other hand, Jacko still retains an immense popularity in third- and second- world nations. And the Serbians just love him, by all accounts. One well-placed source said, "The Serbs wear their wide-collar disco suits and drive around in smuggled Ford Torinos and blast 'Billie Jean' out of their blackmarket circa 1989 Blaupunkt car stereos." The thinking in NATO must be, "If we can't just sit down and reason with Milosevic, maybe we can put a little boogie into his butt." And Jackson, clearly, is the right man in the right place for the right job.

So we wait with baited breath, crossing our fingers that our very own Michael Jackson can bring an "Off the Wall" conclusion to a "Bad" and "Dangerous" conflict. Ow!

One sour note: check out the photo of Jacko in the link below. Man, he is looking older and older, and now he really does look COMPLETELY white!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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