Build Date: Sat Feb 15 07:00:23 2025 UTC
No one wants to eat after the faeries have slobbered all over the cookies.
I do not avoid faeries, Mandrake, but I do deny them my vital essence.
-- The Compulsive Splicer
Canadian Government Whores
2002-03-21 01:42:41
Canadia claims a separate, oh-so-unique Canadian culture. Then they flop for the RIAA, their legs in the air...
Canadia's a funny country, not funny weird like Floridia, but more funny feckless, like "huh" (or, as they pronounce it, "eh"). It's like a vast expanded chunk of Scotland / Scandanavia plunked down between the US and the Arctic, most of the people huddled close to the US border with nearly 85% of exports to and about 72% of imports from the US (as they admit here; they're almost the United States, except with Nationalized Health Care (translated as "Wait... for years"), a bewildering patience with their minority rabble of French-speaking separatists (Canadia should have driven them all onto small, slow boats headed back to France, I'll say), an equally unfathomable attachment to The Queen of England (what has she done for them lately, anyway?), a history of pacifism (amnesty for Vietnam War draft refugees, that was nice of them), a penchant for quirky politicians, only one funny website, porous US borders that are child's play for Russian mafia and fundamentist Islamic terrorists, and a majority of governmental idiots. Their latest government idiocy is a craven capitulation to RIAA Music Weasels in the form of proposed new Taxes on CD media and player devices, as dictated by the RIAA through their Canadian front proxy "The Canadian Private Copying Collective" (like it's some kind of commune, or something - yeah). This new Canadian law will at least triple the price of every blank CD-R media disk sold within Canadia, and it will also at least double the price of every writable CD media-player sold throughout Canadia.
Despite Canadia's ties to the US, if they want to exercise some independence from the US media monopolies, this would be just the time to acquire some kind of real backbone and just say No! to US media conglomerates' thuggish attempts at oppression of their sovereign country rights to decide for themselves what's Fair Use. Canadia has it's choice to decide.
One might hope Canadia's politicians manage to do the right thing, just this once. Otherwise, they might just as well do the other thing, and apply for US statehoods. After all - it's not like they'll have to adjust about sucking up to the RIAA.
Dunkin' Idaho regrets having had to thrash his ancestral home like this (his grandparents were all Canadians, bless their souls), but right is right, media companies' oppression is wrong, and clueless political idiots must be exposed.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Body and Soul, a night of fucking in San Francisco
For the benefit of Pigdog readers, I took it upon myself to explore the deep frontiers of human behavior and attend a saucy festival of the flesh. This was no ordinary fete of carnal delights, dearie. (More...)
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. (More...)
Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)