Build Date: Mon Oct 13 17:50:12 2025 UTC
Damn right we live in a dangerous society. Who would want it otherwise?
-- enigma
Rise of the Ratbots!
2002-05-01 16:50:33
Scientists at the State University of New York are preparing ungodly hordes of ratbots to do their masters' evil bidding, according to the BBC.
Although the researchers claim that these remote wireless "device-guided" rats will only be used for so-called "humanitarian" purposes, like sussing out earthquake victims or searching for landmines, I think we all know what sort of horrible pandora's box we're tinkering with when somewhere down the line the rats become as smart as their overseers. Didn't everybody see "Planet of the Apes"? Jesus!
Says here some babble about "whisker implanted electrodes" and "modes of control" and whatnot, but I think I shall choose to see through this awful ruse. Ha ha, very funny scientist man! "Now I shall make a rat that is smart as a man and equip him with a tiny backpack and we'll just have to wait and see if he doesn't go all rebel on all of our asses and end up eating the world like a chocolate covered raisin."
"The commands and rewards were transmitted by radio from a laptop computer to a backpack receiver strapped to each rat." Chortle. Real failsafe technology. What about the special trigger device that will administer fast-working deadly poison to the rat's dinky, evil heart at the first sign of rat unruliness? This article doesn't mention anything like that. Funny that.
Rats are real bad: A full-grown rat (Rattus norvegicus), when desperate, can jump nearly 3 feet horizontally and make a vertical leap of 2 feet, 2 inches. Look at this article, and then tell me how safe you feel now that scientists are turning them into robots.
The scientist in charge of all this does admit that the idea is "sort of creepy," but I label him a Traitor to the Human Race! Let's stop all of this silly rat science immediately and get back to humane concerns, like freezing our own heads.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)
WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
Mr. Bad, Tjames Madison, and various other Pigdoggers of all stripe take on the makers of JERKCITY in a PIGDOG INTERVIEW DEATHMATCH. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
