Build Date: Sat Apr 20 12:30:05 2024 UTC
Point? What point? Who's got the point? Taco BOING!
-- Tjames Madison
When Animal Breeding Goes Horribly Wrong
2000-01-17 16:47:57
What's a poor rural hick to do for entertainment, now that cow tipping has gone out of style? May we suggest Goat Yelling?
Among the species known as Capra Hircus, there is a rare and quite bizarre genus known as The Tennessee Fainting Goat. The Fainting Goat is a high-strung beast. When it is startled, it will stiffen up and fall over giving the appearance of fainting or dying.
The goats, which are a recognized breed, are afflicted with the condition known as Myatonia. Because of this blatant violation of the fight or flight natural law, the goats were used primarily to protect herds of sheep (when a predator would move in for the kill, the startled goat would keel over, providing the attacker a buffet, while the sheep ran to safety). These days, the goats are used to amuse small children and members of college fraternities.
I am told that in Northeast Montana, there is a farm that raises an entire herd of these poor animals for the specific purpose of letting Canadian demon people from Alberta scream at them for a monetary ammount. I predict that very soon, this breed will also be well known for being the only animal aside from humans that suffers from heart attacks.
T O P S T O R I E S
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes! (More...)