Build Date: Sun Mar 1 07:50:08 2026 UTC
i just threw all my schitzo medication in the garbage where it belongs.
-- rotten elf
Gravity and Beverages... The Universal equation
2001-11-24 13:14:27
Few can deny the wonder it would be, to kick back on a comfortable chair upon the Moon, to cast gaze over the Earth, rising in the Morning sun.
But within this dream we share, there is a problem...
Gravity ...A discoverey by Sir Issac Newton, published in his "Principia" of 1687; The problem is Gravity! (Or rather a lack thereof).
But why would this law, which holds us fast to our Mother Earth, be the source of any problem in our dream? After all... Man has conquered local Space. Time and again, in fact, we have broken the shackles which tie us to this Planet, and ventured forth to that shining disc in the sky called 'Luna'. So why then doth the laymen need fear?
...Beer...
Without Gravity, you can't have Beer! [*1*]
Thats right... Gravity has been, until recently, the forgotten part of the equation...
( Water + Barley + Hops + Yeast + Carbon Dioxide (+Gravity) = Beer )
"Carbonation cannot take place without Gravity!?" I hear you gasp!
Well, fear not intrepid Spacefreaks because help is at hand!
Our Friends at NASA have gone to the trouble of discovering a method not only of keeping and consuming Beer in Space, but even to *brew* it!
Yes friends, with the use of the "Fluid Processing Apparatus" utilised by Kirsten Sterrett, recently graduated from the University of Colorado, in her experiments on board an Industry Sponsored Space Shuttle, you too can brew Beer in the vast, black, weightless void that is Space!
In fact, it is actually more efficient to ferment your Beer in Space! So now, with this knowledge, we can finally look up and truly dream...
We can dream a complete dream... A full dream! A dream with Stars, Planets, comfortable chairs, morning light and yes... a beautiful cold glass of tasty Space Beer!
In Space, noone can hear you get pissed!

T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)