Boy Howdy! That's some damn fine Pigdog!


What a Fucking Nightmare
2002-04-28 14:43:52

Art Fux
We had a fine jug band.
-- Tjames Madison


In an apparent attempt to exact sadistic revenge for the decline of the British Empire in the modern age, a pair of English artistes have sworn to create and inflict upon their audience a three-part symphony played entirely through the ring-tones of thirty mobile phones. They're calling it the "New Ring Cycle."

Gah! Just imagine being trapped in an echoing concert hall while people's cellphones ring and ring and ring...for HOURS! There's no telling what people subjected to that kind of torture might do. Their minds will break! There will be murder and rapine in the aisles.

Fortunately, this wretched, inhuman scheme is still in its infancy. The composers admit that they haven't actually written the dreadful piece yet. They're full of disgusting technomarketspeak though, and will apparently go on about their "interactive" symphony at great length. And a BBC reporter decided to cover the whole unholy affair as if it were real news. Among the more ridiculous tidbits of disinformation in the BBC story is the line, "There are no plans for Leonard Slatkin to take part" — which, hilariously, runs as the caption to an accompanying picture of Slatkin.

I would sincerely hope that Leonard Slatkin would stab each and every member of the cellphone symphony to death with his conductor's baton before allowing this repugnant musical travesty to enter the world.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

comments powered by Disqus


C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Sex Crimes of the X-Men
by El Destino

Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
by Negative Nancy

Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument
by Mr. Bad, Crackmonkey

Escape to Spock Mountain!
by Baron Earl


Poindexter Fortran

University of California special collections: now with more Hunter S. Thompson


Baron Earl

Amazing hand-stitched scenes from DUNE


Baron Earl

Contributions to Top Dark Money Spenders


Baron Earl

CES claims dildo is not a robot


Baron Earl

Rep. Steve King wonders how the phrase "white supremacist" became "offensive"


El Destino

Zeitgeist's Legendary 'Tamale Lady' Dies Just Weeks Before Opening Her Long-Awaited Restaurant


Baron Earl

Cliff Burton Day in Castro Valley


El Destino

When Spock met PLATO


El Destino

A musical reminder: Don't Say GIF


El Destino

Devo's one and only Christmas song

More Quickies...