Build Date: Tue Apr 16 11:00:08 2024 UTC

I DON'T. Buy the tomatoes with. The stems. On them. They don't. Degrade. They go. Down the sink. And into the WATER. Then. They get lodged in the throats of little. OTTERS.
-- Christopher Walken

Jeff Bezos' penis rocket locks onto target

by Baron Earl

2021-09-05 00:48:33

The Airlander 10 aka "the flying bum", a hybrid helium airship built by Hybrid Air Vehicles in central England, will no longer schedule test flights when Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin Penis Rocket is shooting off.

The Airlander 10 is a hybrid airship which achieves lift via both aerostatic and aerodynamic forces. Unlike most airship designs it does not have a circular cross-section, instead using a lifting body design based on a giant smooth, shapely ass.

The lovely posterior shape is designed to contribute aerodynamic lift while the airship is moving forward. The shape generates up to half of the airship's lift in the same way that the wings on a conventional fixed-wing aircraft generate lift.

Unfortunately, the design also makes it a prime target for giant flying penises. Due to the risk involved, test flights have been suspended.

Buoyancy is also provided by helium contained within the plump, shapely skin of the vehicle. 60-80% of the aircraft's weight is supported by lighter-than-air helium, which lifts and separates the port and starboard cheeks.

The crew pilots the flying derriere from the taint control room just beneath "the plug", a giant square-shaped stopper that keeps helium from escaping.

"If the plug slipped out, or got pushed out by too much gas pressure, that could be catastrophic," said an engineer who wished to remain anonymous. "All of the helium would come rushing out, the skin would start to sag, and you might not get enough lift to stay up."

"It would also be incredibly loud, as if Rodney Dangerfield stepped on the world's largest duck."

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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