Build Date: Tue Mar 5 14:20:04 2024 UTC

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Would-be Stalkers Beware: Porno Pager is Here

by Tjames Madison

1999-11-11 00:01:14

So some jackass has invented this device that monitors your computer to see if your kid is looking at porno, and then emails or pages you and tells you "YOUR KID IS LOOKING AT PORNO!"

The Cyber Sentinel, to be unveiled next week at COMDEX by Security Software Systems ("We're the SSS! The SS were FAGS!"), not only checks up on Junior and his little excursions to the dark side of the web, but also claims to prevent ruthless attacks from the web's ever-present menace, the Pedophile, the shambling mound of humanity that waits behind every "sexxxitement" banner ad that your little tyke is going to encounter. Cyber Sentinel alerts parents whenever their children exchange phone numbers, addresses or social security numbers - something that most molesters now require, apparently, along with a security deposit for soiled linen.

While most experts agree that Cyber Sentinel will probably make life more difficult for online stalkers, the consensus view worries that America's children are going to have difficulties procuring "dates with hotties" now that Mom and Dad will be notified every time their spawn give out their phone number.

Cyber Sentinel: Making Puberty Even More Terrifying Since 1999!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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